Favorite Funnies

[CourtneyLee]

What scenes and situations have made you laugh? The earliest I can remember is when Orinakin had Bade try on a dress, but my favorite one so far is when Desin, Anosanim, Vade, and Rini are planning the sex party they throw after Orinakin and Bade's wedding. Vade is trying to explain what a Bride's Lament is. I love how the Anorians, with their liberated sexual views, try to wrap their minds around the concept:

“It’s sort of an old tradition.  It started before we allowed people of the same sex to marry each other, so it’s designed for the husband to have his own party, alone.  But I think that Bade and Orinakin would want to do theirs together.”  That pretty much entirely contradicted the concept of the Bride’s Lament, but Vade thought that at least if they were at the same party, together, fewer rumors would abound about scandalous behavior.

            The point of the Bride’s Lament was, of course, scandalous behavior.  But the Anorians didn’t seem to get that, and Vade wasn’t comfortable with explaining it.

            “What sort of party does the wife have?” Anosanim asked excitedly.

            Vade wasn’t sure, exactly.  He only knew from stray comments here and there.  “She gets together with her friends, and they give her things for her new home.  Linens, and food.  Toys for her baby.”

            “Women only get married when they’re already pregnant?  Have they typically already had a child?” Desin asked.

            “No.”  Vade replied quickly, horrified at the thought of them getting the wrong idea.  “No, no, it’s just traditional for people to give baby gifts to a new couple.  We kind of assume that they want a baby, and will begin right away to try to have one.”

            “But so soon?” Anosanim asked.  “How could a new couple be ready?  Don’t they need time to settle into their marriage?”

            Settle in?  “They’ll have nine months for that.”

            Anosanim didn’t look satisfied.  Desin asked, “Just baby gifts?  Doesn’t the wife have sexual entertainment at her party?”

            “No!”  What a terrible idea!  “Respectable women wouldn’t tolerate such a thing.”

            “Respectable women don’t have sex?” Anosanim asked.  “Or don’t like to look at it?”

            “Neither.”  Vade’s reply was firm.  How could that be a contested point?

            “But there are women at the Bride’s Lament,” Desin said.

            Well, yes.  “Not respectable ones.  They’re only there as the sexual entertainment.”

            “But respectable men have sex?” Anosanim asked.

            What a question.  “All men have sex.”

            “If men have sex but women don’t, then the men have sex with each other?”  Anosanim seemed to be trying to work through it.

            Desin’s eyes were narrowing.  “Or with the disreputable women.”  He looked like he didn’t think any of this was a good idea.

            Anosanim sounded baffled.  “But why is it disreputable when women do it, if it’s fine for men?”

            “Women are better than that.”  Vade couldn’t believe how confused Anosanim and Desin were, over such basic knowledge.  “They’re above such base urges.”

            Desin snorted, grinning.  “Not the women I know, and Ilanosa bless them for it.”

            “Anikira often pursues Kudorin, and initiates their encounters.”  Anosanim was still puzzling it out.  “She’d be considered disreputable?”

            “Or masculine, I suppose,” Desin said.

            “No wonder the bride’s lamenting,” Anosanim said.  “She isn’t allowed to have sex, and isn’t supposed to like it when she does.”

I love it whenever the various sexual values clash. I think it was one of the most fun themes in The Purple Book, Bade (and Vade) discovering a new way of thinking and being when it comes to sex. They'd been so sheltered from the rest of the world and watching them blossom, at the beginning and in recent chapters, is great fun.

What moments have made you laugh?
 

[LilacMajesty]

I think I laughed the hardest when they make Orinakin discuss Bade at a Satacon.  That is just priceless.

[Mountie]

I had a reall good chuckle today a Vades expense.  When Rini shrunk his penis for not believing in the divine blessings ofthe Anorian Gods at the festival of the Seven Siblings.    Poor Remin, having to "fix" the problem.

And I agree with you both, those are really good chuckles too.

[Shanghi]

Oh those made me laugh. :lol:

[CourtneyLee]

This scene always makes me chuckle:

Sitting up, Kudorin leaned forward, his hand braced on Remin’s armrest, voice intense.  “Don’t you want to go down on him every time he speaks?”

            “I would’ve preferred to spend the entirety of our meeting on my knees, yes.”

            “Oh.”  With a heartfelt, suffering moan, Kudorin lay back again, hand dropping.  “The sound of his voice hurts me.  It hurts me, not to be able to touch him.  It hurts me, that he doesn’t know how much I love him.  He’s so handsome, did you see how handsome he is?  His hands look like they’d feel amazing on my body.  I can’t wait to feel him pull me to him.”

            “Well worth fantasizing about,” Remin murmured, sitting back in his chair.

            Rolling onto his side on Remin’s desk, Kudorin met Remin’s eyes.  “How big do you think his erection is?”

            “When I’m not imagining the soft, white-blond down dusting his balls?” Remin asked.  “I imagine it’s a highly pleasurable size.  Long, certainly.”

            Biting his lip with an aching sound of want, Kudorin sank down to his back.  “He was made for me.  So his dick was made for me.  I don’t want it to be enormous, I don’t care what size it is, I just want it to be large enough that when he looks down and sees me sucking him off, he has something good to watch.”

            Watching black petals drift lazily to the floor, Remin sighed.  “I used to give amazing head.”

            “I can’t think about Xio Voe’s lips against my dickhead without wanting to come,” Kudorin confessed.  “It’s agony, wanting him and not being able to have him.”

            Remin met Kudorin’s eyes.  “You have my sympathy.”

[CourtneyLee]

Oh, Desin, you  have the greatest way of dealing with things.

Defeated, Desin groaned.  After years of hearing about Ritek stealing his friends’ partners, Desin was going to watch Ritek climb into bed with his younger brother.  If that wasn’t watching Ritek win the whole game, Desin didn’t know what was.  “I’m going to have to fuck his sisters,” Desin realized.  All of them.  And maybe some of his cousins.  “Is Sosu Parike married?”

[Mountie]

Oh I still howl over that one CL.  Desin is so protective of his younger brothers, heck all his brothers.    He is the best brother.  Can you see him with his daughters and sons???

And Kudorin and Remins conversation was sooo funny.  I am sure that Xoe Voe would love to see Kudorin there kneeling, the idea of Remin wanting to be there too

[CourtneyLee]

 

Whoa.  They gave Kudorin a moment to simmer.  As the last corner of the carpet turned black, Orinakin said, “This all comes down to power.  Xio Voe’s attracted to power, and no one has more of it than Kudorin.”

            “But if it literally arouses him, isn’t that a little weird?” Rini asked.  “People who want money don’t usually masturbate into a purse full of coins, do they?”

            “There was that man who jacked off with a fistful of necklaces, cut himself, and needed stitches on his penis,” Remin said.  “But that was an isolated incident.”

            “Oh, gods above,” Anosanim said.  “Even I don’t love jewelry that much.”

Remin smiled.  “I love a huge dick on a submissive bottom.”

            Priest.  Royal high priest.  The royal high priest said things like that, about huge dicks and submissive bottoms and his own preferences, without shame.  With the kind of smile that made Bade wish that he, himself, were a submissive bottom with a huge dick, just so Remin would look at him like that.

            “You’re all way too into size,” Talin said.

            “I have to agree,” Orinakin said.  “Sex-”

            “Wait, wait,” Rini said.  “I just want to check, is anyone in the room interested in hearing ‘you’re all way too into size’ from Orinakin?”

            “I’m interested in hearing anything that Orinakin has to say,” Kudorin said, rising as the table solidified again.

            “What’s wrong with my opinion?” Orinakin asked.

            “The man who cooks with the finest of fresh ingredients should not begrudge the dissatisfaction of those who eat scraps,” Remin said.

            What?  What did that mean?  Scraps?  Orinakin was beautifully endowed, yes, but so were all of his brothers, so-

            “Let’s just say,” Selorin said, briefly meeting Bade’s eyes, “that you didn’t find your husband in Lorbain.”

            Bade’s cheeks burned as he realized what they meant.  How had this subject come up, anyway?  And how had they gotten around to discussing him?  Life had been simpler when he’d lived in the castle, where no one but Vade knew what his dick looked like hard.  The number of people who’d glimpsed his erection here was humiliating.

            “It would be humiliating,” Orinakin corrected him, “if none of them had liked it.  So far, you’ve been very popular.”

            While Bade practiced dying of embarrassment, Selorin flashed Bade a flirtatious smile and Anikira burst into helpless laughter.

[CourtneyLee]

There are many reasons I adore Anikira. This line of narrative comes from her POV while Kudorin is telling her and Remin about Xio Voe's first proposal. It's a simple sentence, but totally perfect and utterly true at that point in time:

For the smartest person alive, Xio Voe was really fucking stupid.

Maybe it's the inclusion of profanity that makes it so great. I love that she's so pissed at Xio Voe that she drops the f-bomb, even if it's just in her own mind.

[CourtneyLee]

Oh, I'd almost forgotten about this. Vade got Xio Voe into the Royal Archives by letting the guards think he's Bade, Rini and Anosanim decide to let him think they think he's Bade, Anosanim and Xio Voe just left, and Rini's flirting with Vade as if he's Bade.

Rini made a soft kind of noise, like a happy sort of a sexy laugh but with anticipation threaded all through it, and wriggled closer, hands rubbing the back of his neck, stroking his hair, silver eyes bright with interest, lips pink and parted and perfect.  “What would Orinakin say?”

            “Don’t worry about it,” Vade whispered, hardly knowing what he was saying, transfixed by the idea that he might be able to kiss Rini again.  Beautiful, sexy, off-limits Rini.

            “I do,” Rini leaned even closer, slowly licking his lips, tantalizing Vade with his divinely smooth skin and his sweetly pouted lips and his faintly sweet, faintly masculine scent, “love the way you kiss.”

            Oh, yes, it was-

            “I can’t believe you’d do this!” Rini exclaimed, laughing, pushing him away.  “Vade!  You’re terrible!  How can you try to fool people like that?”

            Red with shame, nauseous with mortification, feeling caught and exposed and sick, Vade backed away.  They’d known the whole time!  It had been a trick, and he’d fallen for it.  Why was he such an idiot?

            “You can fool people for fun, but you can’t go around kissing people when they think you’re someone else,” Rini scolded, pulling the scarf from around Vade’s neck with a whisper of silk.  “And you should know that Bade would never say ‘don’t worry about it.’”  Hopping down from the table, Rini took his hand, pulling him around towards the door.  “Now come on, let’s go.  Kudorin’s not going to let you get in trouble, and we’ve all promised each other that we won’t tell Selorin that you’re running around breaking laws.”

            “I told you,” Orinakin opened the door, because what Vade really needed at that moment was several more witnesses to his shame, “they’re right in here.”

            Entering with Orinakin, Bade smacked Vade’s shoulder.  “You helped a Jacacean break into restricted Anorian archives?”

            It hadn’t been like that!  It had, well, maybe it had been, okay, a little, in a way, if - - but it hadn’t really been like that!  “I was just-”

            “You didn’t have to come the whole way here,” Rini said.  “Anosanim left with Heir Voe, and since Anosanim’s actually authorized,” a nudge in Vade’s side, “it’s completely acceptable for Heir Voe to walk out with a stack of books.  I hope he brings them back, though.  Anosanim’s going to feel like shit if he doesn’t.”

            “I just wanted, as long as Heir Voe’s presence here hinges on me being with him, to be here,” Bade said.

            “Does anyone not know about this?” Vade demanded.

            “Selorin,” everyone said.

            “And Desin,” Rini added.

            “No, Kudorin was telling him when we left,” Orinakin said.

            “I’m glad you came,” Rini said to Bade, handing Vade his scarf, “because I was just thinking about you,” and, without so much as hesitating, without even glancing in Orinakin’s direction, he put his hands on Bade’s shoulders and, leaning in, kissed Bade right on the mouth, lips parting, body melting right against Bade’s chest.

            With a surprised sound, Bade cupped Rini’s elbows, kissing him back, kissing him, shit!  What in the name of all that was holy was happening?!  Bade was getting Vade’s kiss!  That slow, deep, wet kiss was his!  Why did Bade get everything?!  In front of Orinakin!

            Orinakin’s arm curved around his waist.  “For what it’s worth, I think that you make a very convincing Bade.  You look just like him.”