Last Night

K-pop info and glossary
Debut: 2008, SM Entertainment
Fan club: Shawol
Name Real name Birth date Role
Onew Lee Jinki December 14, 1989 leader, lead vocal
Jonghyun Kim Jonghyun April 8, 1990 main vocal
Key Kim Kibum September 23, 1991 lead rapper
Minho Choi Minho December 9, 1991 main rapper
Taemin Lee Taemin July 18, 1993 maknae, dancer
I write about men having sex with other men.  You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction.  This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.

            “Jonghyun hyung.  Jonghyun hyung.”  Minho’s voice.  “Get up.”

            “Tomorrow,” Jonghyun mumbled.  He’d get up tomorrow.  Irritated by the hand shaking his shoulder, he turned his face away.  Hunh, whatever was under his cheek wasn’t a pillow.  It was a person?  A shoulder?  Must be Key.

            “Aish!  Hyung, really, get up.  We already let you sleep in.”

            Funny, that sounded like Key.  As Jonghyun shifted, dragging the covers over his head, he was surprised to feel naked skin against his body.  Bare legs, bare torso, bare arms.  Key was naked?  He was naked?  But Key was the one talking to him, not the one in bed with him.  Ugh, he was too tired to deal with this.  “Go,” he said, snuggling in and trying to go back to sleep.

            “Unhh…  Oh…”  A very familiar voice sighed.  Onew’s voice, resisting, denying that morning was possible.  It came from so close that it sounded like Onew was the one in bed with him, but that couldn’t be right.  Why would he and Onew-

            bare skin under his hands - - Onew smiling at him, blushing - - Onew’s eyes closing in pleasure

            -be naked in bed together?

            Onew stumbling, pulling him down along the couch.  The smooth, shiny head of Onew’s cock so slick against his lips.  The thick, long slide of Onew’s erection burning into him.

            Oh, god!

            Scrambling upward and flailing backward, Jonghyun slid right off of the edge of the bed, landing with a thud on the floor.  Heedless, he stared in wide-eyed shock.

            “Awake?” Minho asked dryly.

            Heart pounding, Jonghyun nodded wordlessly.

            Still asleep, Onew rolled over.  He was naked.  His thick, shaggy hair was tousled.  There were thin scratches across the backs of his thighs.

            Moaning in joyous desperation, Jonghyun clutched at the backs of Onew’s thighs.  Every deep, sure thrust felt so good, his body couldn’t seem to contain the white-gold pleasure building and rising and exploding through him.  Tilting his head back, he wailed in ecstasy, his nails digging in…

            “Oh god.”  Jonghyun couldn’t look away.  Couldn’t stop remembering.

            “Had fun last night?” Key asked.  He sounded like he wanted to laugh.

            He threaded his fingers through Onew’s hair and Onew smiled at him, looking so affectionate, so happy, that he smiled back.  “Should we?” Onew asked, like just the idea of it was titillating, and excitement fluttered in Jonghyun’s stomach because no, they shouldn’t, but didn’t that make it even more fun?

            “Yeah.”  Jonghyun sounded as breathless as he felt.  Rubbing his hand over his mouth, he wondered what life was going to be like now that he’d had sex with Onew.

            He hadn’t meant to have sex with Onew.  Hadn’t planned to, ever.  Yeah, he was attracted to Onew, but every time his hormones had started urging him onward he’d squashed them down with common sense.  Having sex with any of the members brought a ton of risk because they were locked in an interdependent relationship they couldn’t get away from.  If the sex turned out to be a bad idea and messed up their dynamic, they couldn’t just part ways and move on.

            He and Key got off together sometimes, but they were both okay with enjoying sex and staying friends and not taking it very seriously.  When he picked up girlfriends or Key picked up boyfriends, there was no resentment or jealousy.  They had sex sometimes and quarreled sometimes and flirted all of the time, and they loved each other deeply, but the romance only went so far.  They were better off as friends, and they knew it.

            He’d never gotten as far with Taemin or Minho.  They both claimed that they dealt with him so much in every other aspect of life, they’d rather not have to deal with his sexual demands, too.  They were fun to make out with, though, and the few times he’d gotten Taemin off in his hand made good memories.

            He’d made it a point to stay away from Onew sexually.  Maybe because Onew was their leader, and older, Jonghyun took their relationship more seriously.  Maybe the imbalance of power unnerved him; he was very aware that he preferred to have a slight edge in his sexual dynamics.  Maybe because Onew was such a decent guy, it seemed sort of lousy to toy with him sexually.  Maybe because Jonghyun liked to keep sex with the members fun and teasing, and he wasn’t sure that he could do that with Onew, so it was better not to try it at all.

            And then.  Last night.

            “Oh…  Oh…”  Onew moaned, a throaty sound of pleasure and faint surprise, his weight pressing Jonghyun down against the cushions, his long, intoxicating kisses making Jonghyun wish they’d done this years ago.  “More…”

            “Are we going to hang around all day?” Key asked, and kicked at Onew’s mattress.  “Hyung!  Get up!”

            Minho rolled his eyes at Key and leaned down, shaking Onew’s shoulder.  Naked shoulder; Onew was naked.  He didn’t usually sleep naked, and suddenly he looked incredibly bare, Jonghyun’s gaze burning across endless planes of smooth, taut skin.  His hips were turned to angle his ass toward Jonghyun, his arms up around his head, his shaggy hair tumbled over his face.  His firm, naked back should have been banally familiar; didn’t Jonghyun see it every unremarkable day?  But it looked exotic this morning.  Potently masculine.  Onew’s whole body, dance-honed musculature, satiny skin, looked sensuous.  Sexually inviting.

            Jonghyun remembered stroking his back last night.  Running both hands from Onew’s shoulders-

            -down to the small of Onew’s back, then catching his fingers in the hem of Onew’s T-shirt and dragging it upward, sliding his palms over the smoothness of Onew’s skin, nails skimming Onew’s spine.  The way Onew was kissing him was turning him on, giving him that good, anticipatory thrill, that, “mmm, yes, this is going to be fantastic,” feeling.  He rubbed his hands up Onew’s ribcage and breathed, “Ahh, hyung,” right into Onew’s mouth.  The sound of it disoriented him slightly and for an instant, he wondered what he was doing - - was this a mistake - - he’d never done anything with a hyung before, never with an older guy, this was Onew, what the hell was he thinking - - and then he heard a sudden cracking sound.  Breaking away from his mouth, Onew twisted around to look back, so he looked, too, tilting his head over the side of the couch, and he saw Key’s bottle of hair gel on the floor, already starting to leak a little.  Onew turned to him, smiling, laughing, with a flushed, guilty look.  “I kicked it.”  Jonghyun laughed, because it was just like Onew’s feet to find the most breakable thing in the room.  “Should we get it?” Onew asked, still laughing a little, hard-on still stiff against Jonghyun’s stomach, and Jonghyun smiled back at him, feeling good again, comfortable again, because this was Onew, as familiar to him as his own voice.  “No,” he said, and he tugged at Onew’s shirt, and Onew flashed him a delighted grin and lifted up a little, letting him pull it off.

            “Get up,” Minho was saying.  Onew grunted, first curling his legs in and then stretching them out, rolling onto his stomach.  “Hyung.”  Minho took hold of his wrists and pulled until he sat up with a miserable groan.

            “Augh.”  Onew curled his legs in again, lowering his head and rubbing at his face.  “Euuyah.”  Shoving his hair out of his eyes, he squinted at Key and Minho.

            Key pointed in Jonghyun’s direction.

            Still squinting, looking confused, Onew obediently followed the line of Key’s finger.  He peered at Jonghyun, and then his eyes widened in astonishment.

            Oh, god.  What was Onew going to say?

            “Shower,” Jonghyun said, and bolted.

            Onew was never at his best in the mornings.  It was a simple medical, biological, physiological fact that his brain and his body didn’t coordinate until he’d been awake for a few hours.  Or so he’d always tried to explain to his teachers.

            That particular morning, they were already running late, so he had to rush.  He was not good at rushing when he’d just awakened.  It tended to lead to bruising, or at least an unpleasant shaving experience.

            Their first schedule of the day was going to be an interview, so he had to get his brain alert enough to answer questions intelligently and be entertaining and present himself as a capable leader and high-quality professional.

            He really, really needed to focus on waking up and preparing for the day and getting his shit in order.

            It really, really did not help that all he could think about was how intensely, fantastically magnificent it had felt to come inside Kim Jonghyun.

            Shit, last night had been amazing.  There was sex, and then there was good sex, and then there was whatever the hell happened when Jonghyun kissed him.  Damn.  He felt giddy and horny and foolishly triumphant just thinking about it.  “Whoo!” he cheered, throwing his fist in the air.

            “Is that what you’re wearing?” Key asked.  “Do you think that’s okay?”

            Refusing to allow Key to dent his good mood, he went to change.

            He’d wanted Jonghyun for so long that it had become a part of his overall daily experience.  Generally, he was always tired and always hungry and always hot for Jonghyun and always on the lookout for fans and always counting the days until his next day off.  That was how his life went.  He accepted it.

            Jonghyun didn’t want him.  Wasn’t interested.  He accepted that, too.

            Apparently he’d been wrong about that, though.  At least, it had sure seemed so last night, when Jonghyun had been kissing him and grinding up against him and whispering, “So hard, you’re making me so hard.”

            He wondered if they could do it again.  Maybe that very night.  Maybe tomorrow night, too.  Maybe every night, ever.

            “Hyung,” Minho said.  “We’re late.”

            Late.  Late for - - god, the interview!  Ah, they hadn’t even gone to the salon yet!  “Hurry, hurry!” Onew said, grabbing his phone and shoving Minho toward the door, snatching up Taemin along the way.  “Kids!  Members!  Everybody out!”

            Jonghyun felt like last night was all over his face.  The attention of the stylists made him nervous, made him feel paranoid.  Couldn’t they see everything?  The redness of his lips, swollen from Onew’s long, steamy kisses?  The lingering traces of Onew’s pre-cum on his chin?  The mild scrape of Onew’s stubble?  The glow of satiation?  Wasn’t it all visible?  When he closed his eyes, he could still feel-

            -Onew’s fingers tracing along the curve of his jaw.  Closing his eyes, he mouthed the head of Onew’s erection, sucking lightly before letting go with a wet pop.  Licking the crown, he shivered with pleasure as Onew’s fingers slid into his hair.  “Ah, ehhh, a little more,” Onew moaned, and the pleading ache in Onew’s voice turned him on so much that he moaned, too, cupping himself through his pants.  Wrapping his lips around the head, he slid down the shaft, then back up, bobbing his head, exulting in the lengthy glide of Onew’s cock as it filled his mouth, humming with pleasure.  “Why is your mouth like this?” Onew asked with a sort of bewildered desperation.  “Oh, oh, why…”

            “Ah, finished,” the stylist said.

            Eyes popping open, Jonghyun could hardly remember who she was or why she was talking to him.  “You’ve worked hard,” he finally said, managing to maintain an almost natural smile, trying to come up with an excuse to stay in the chair until his hard-on went away.

            Onew wanted to talk to Jonghyun, but first he had to talk to the interviewer.  He felt so great that he answered every question with enthusiasm.  Maybe he was too cheerful and happy; Taemin kept laughing, and Key kept interrupting him and re-explaining everything.  Jonghyun barely said anything, which was so unusual Onew wondered what was wrong.

            Was it last night?  As far as Onew was concerned, the only thing wrong about last night was that it had ended.  His only complaint about his day so far was that he hadn’t had sex with Jonghyun yet.  Did Jonghyun feel the same way?


            Had Onew been right to begin with?  Maybe Jonghyun really didn’t want him after all.  Maybe Jonghyun regretted having sex with him.  Regretted encouraging him.  Regretted altering their relationship.  It had been a big step, a big change.  A magnificent change, in his own mind, but maybe not in Jonghyun’s.

            Suddenly, the interview wasn’t fun anymore.  Onew finished it, and thanked everyone, but his heart felt like lead.  As their manager hustled them out, already intent on their next schedule, Onew hooked his hand through Jonghyun’s elbow.  “You-”

            “It’s a busy day,” Jonghyun said abruptly, facing straight ahead as they walked.  “Shouldn’t we focus on working hard, and save other conversations for later?”

            Ouch.  Stung, Onew tried to be reasonable, strove to be fair.  Jonghyun was right.  Something this personal was a distraction.  They should be professional.  “Yes.”

            Jonghyun twisted his arm free of Onew’s grip and hurried ahead to walk beside Key.

            Onew had fallen down a flight of stairs last year.

            This hurt more.

            Jonghyun tried to keep his mind clear so that he could pay attention and focus on the photographer’s instructions, but questions, doubts, and worries kept crowding his thoughts.

            What had Onew been about to say to him?  “You’re a terrific lay.”  “You were awful last night.”  “You should go down on me more often.”  “You want to be my boyfriend?”  “You should forget about last night.  Let’s pretend it never happened.”

            Maybe Onew had been about to say something entirely different, on another topic entirely.  Something about the interview, and how he’d completely tanked it by forgetting how to open-

            -his mouth, his tongue snaking around the base of Onew’s cock.  “Aahhh,” Onew moaned, fingers stroking down the side of his face.  “Ahh, oehh…”  With a deliberately wet sound, he slurped Onew’s balls into his mouth.  “Ooh, ah, ah…”  Cradling them on his tongue, he sucked gently, playing with them, letting one slip between his lips only to suck it back in.  “Why, why,” Onew was moaning, thumb rubbing over his cheek.

            “-to your left,” the photographer said.  “Taemin, chin up.  Good, good.  Onew, put your hand-”

            -on Jonghyun’s thigh, sliding upward, parting his knees.  Relaxing back along the couch, he pulled Onew closer, between his thighs, smiling at Onew’s beaming expression.  “You can’t be so happy already,” Jonghyun chided, touching Onew’s cheerful lips.  “You should look like this after you come, not before.”

            “But you look like this all of the time,” Onew said, skimming his hand over Jonghyun’s erection.

            Gasping at the fleeting, teasing caress, Jonghyun arched his back.  Needing more, he rubbed himself, groaning in pleasure.  “Look how?”

            “Handsome,” Onew said.  “Sexy.”  Onew’s gaze swept over him, his naked body, his slowly pumping hand.  Lingered on his face.  “Perfect.”

            He couldn’t look perfect.  He knew that he didn’t.  No one did.  That was the point of perfection, that it was an ideal, and ideals were the kinds of goals people strove for but never attained.

            He tried to tell himself that it had been a useless thing to say.  But when he thought of the way Onew had looked at him, the shameless adoration in Onew’s expression, he couldn’t help but feel, all over again, a wild, hopeful flutter in his heart.

            As the photographer talked to Taemin, Onew snuck another glance at Jonghyun.  He got a twisted up yearning, lusting, admiring, affectionate, nauseous, loving, pleading, happy, hurt feeling every time he looked at Jonghyun, but he couldn’t stop doing it.  Aagh, Jonghyun was so good-looking, Onew couldn’t stand looking at him but craved the sight of him.

            He loved seeing Jonghyun like this, all styled up, hair spiky, eyes heavily lined, lips dramatically pouty and shiny with gloss.  Every inch an idol.  So confident, powerful, rich with star power and raw sexuality.

            He loved seeing Jonghyun other ways, too.  Every way.  Fresh, clean, scrubbed, misleadingly wholesome.  Tired and grubby from too much practice and not enough rest.  Laughing, squirming, cheek smeared with birthday cake frosting.  Soaking wet, hair dripping, clothes plastered to his body from the rain.  Damp with sweat, smiling, sated, curled up in Onew’s bed.

            He hadn’t fantasized much about having Jonghyun in his bed.  It had seemed pointless to hurt himself with dreams of what could never be.  Unrequited whatever-this-was - - lust, or maybe love, or possibly some desperate fever in his soul; it varied from day to day - - wasn’t fun or sexy, it was just painful, and there was no point in dwelling on it.

            But then, last night, he’d actually had Jonghyun right there in his bed.  Not just to sleep or talk, but for sex.  And it had seemed…hmm.  How to describe it?  It had seemed new and wonderful and sort of otherworldly.  At the same time, it had felt very familiar.  It had felt good and comfortable and right.  Jonghyun had been warm and silky and firm against him, a sensual pleasure.  Their bodies had twined together companionably, intimately, as if they’d been lovers all of this time.

            He wondered if he’d said, “I love you,” last night.  He’d said a lot of things, and some of them had been embarrassing.  He’d talked about his feelings and Jonghyun’s body and how incredible it had felt to - - augh, he’d said too much!  But had he made a confession?

            No.  He couldn’t have.  Sex was one thing - - so much more.  He didn’t want Jonghyun to know how he felt.  It would be awkward between them.  Burdensome.

            Last night, he’d hoped.  Let himself believe.  But in the grim glare of daylight, his fantasies were as shameful as they were impossible.

            Why did he have to be so greedy?  Why couldn’t he be content with Jonghyun’s friendship?  Why wasn’t it enough that Jonghyun loved him as a hyung, as a leader, as a member?  Why did he have to wish so foolishly, so uselessly, for more?

            Over lunch, Jonghyun kept his head down.  Talked to the kids.  Didn’t so much as glance in Onew’s direction.  He didn’t want to risk any more eye contact than he had to.  He didn’t know what Onew wanted to say to him or what Onew was thinking.  He didn’t know what he, himself, was thinking or what he wanted to say.  Did he want to say that last night had been great?  Did he want to recommend that they do it again sometime?  Did he want to suggest that they keep things strictly nonsexual in the future?  Did he want to say-

            “Hyung,” he whispered.

            Onew gazed at him dreamily with a sleepy, heavy-lidded expression.  He was sure that Onew was awake - - the way Onew was stroking his face made that clear - - but he was also sure that Onew wasn’t listening.

            He prodded Onew’s shin with his toes.  “Hyung.”

            “Thank you.”  Onew’s voice was quiet.

            Jonghyun didn’t understand.  “For what?”  He smiled, running the backs of his fingers down to Onew’s navel.  “Shouldn’t I thank you?”

            Instead of replying, Onew kissed him.  A long, slow kiss that stirred up all of the sexual, romantic, erotic feelings he’d ever had.  Cupping his face, Onew gazed into his eyes again, looking into him intently.  “I won’t forget,” Onew said.

            Rubbing his thumb over his lips, Jonghyun swallowed.  Last night, he’d felt so good, drunk on amazing sex and steamy kisses and Onew’s smiles, that he hadn’t paid enough attention to what Onew had meant, maybe.  Onew said quirky and irrelevant things often enough that sometimes he sort of disregarded them.  He’d taken it as sort of a pleasant “we created a good moment here” statement.

            But Onew’s expression had been solemn.  And the words had sounded serious.  Overly dramatic, really.  Wasn’t that the kind of thing Onew might say if they were about to be parted forever?  If that had been their last night together before one of them went into the military or moved to London or died of a rare tropical disease, it might have made sense.  Why say “I won’t forget” so solemnly when there was no reason Onew would forget?  They were going to see each other every day for years to come, weren’t they?  He wasn’t really worried that Onew would forget about it.

            It was kind of like Onew had assumed it would never happen again.

            Not that Onew didn’t want it to happen again.  More like Onew thought that Jonghyun wouldn’t want it to happen again.

            “I won’t forget.”  Like they’d shared something special.  That was kind of embarrassing, but it was nice, too.  Kind of romantic and flattering.

            Or.  “I won’t forget.”  Wasn’t it a little…?  It seemed like the sort of thing people said when someone went out of his way to help them.  Like sincere gratitude for a massive favor.  Jonghyun had been doing Onew a favor?  What?  Baffled, Jonghyun stared at Onew.

            Onew was smiling at Taemin, nodding.  He looked so friendly and normal that Jonghyun was relieved.  It was just Onew.  Not some great seducer, not some inscrutable stranger.  Just familiar Onew.

            There was no way that Onew had been thanking Jonghyun for pity sex.  That didn’t make sense any way Jonghyun looked at it.  Onew couldn’t throw a rock without hitting someone who’d screw him if he asked.  He wasn’t so desperate to get laid that he’d be grateful to Jonghyun for it.

            Onew looked over at him, smiled, blushed, and looked away-

            -ducking his head in embarrassment.  “Shouldn’t you ask Key instead?”

            Jonghyun smiled.  It was kind of adorable how flustered Onew seemed.  Cupping Onew’s chin in his hand, he coaxed Onew’s head back up and dipped his own head down until their eyes met.  “What if I ask you?”

            Onew’s eyes darted around.  His cheeks were red but he smiled as he asked, “Is it okay if I say yes?”

            Chuckling, Jonghyun brushed his thumb across the corner of Onew’s lips.  He didn’t want the flirtation to go too far - - he’d stop in a moment - - but it was nice, teasing like this.  “Should we negotiate first?  Positions?  Safe words?”

            Onew’s eyebrows went up.  “Tomato.”

            “Tomato?” Jonghyun repeated.

            Onew nodded, smiling.  “Safe word.  Tomato.”

            Laughing, Jonghyun dropped his hand to Onew’s knee.  “Okay.  Tomato.”

            Onew tossed his head to flip his hair out of his eyes.  “I thought you only liked one position.”

            Now Jonghyun was the one who felt flustered.  “I like a lot of things.”

            Onew’s smile was amused, knowing.  “Does Key know that?”

            “Ya!”  He squeezed Onew’s thigh, laughing.  “Don’t I have any privacy?  Is everything in the open?  How do you know so much?”

            “Ah.”  Onew glanced around the living room.

            Wait, how did Onew know so much?  “Did you watch?  Did Key tell you?”

            “He.  Mentioned.  Some things.”  Onew coughed and looked at the air above Jonghyun’s head.  “Practice went well, didn’t it?”

            “You and Key talk about me?”  Jonghyun couldn’t imagine why.  It was kind of flattering, though.  “What does he say?”

            Groaning, Onew leaned sideways, slumping against the back of the couch.  His hair fell across his eyes and he blew at it ineffectually.  “You always top him and it’s so much work to get you to give head that he doesn’t even bother asking anymore.”

            “That little shit.”  Jonghyun brushed Onew’s bangs out of his face.  “I’d go down on him more often if he weren’t so damned fussy about it.  He’s so demanding.”

            “You don’t do it for Minho or Taemin, either.”

            He laughed in astonishment.  “What?  Why do you know?  Are you taking polls?  Do you give them questionnaires?”

            Onew ducked his head a little but looked up at Jonghyun from beneath his lashes.  “I was curious.”

            “About what?”  Jonghyun squeezed his thigh.  “About sex?  Didn’t anyone ever educate you?”

            He lightly pushed Jonghyun’s face away.  “I know that!”  He was still blushing, but he held Jonghyun’s gaze.  “I wanted to know what it was like.  With you.”

            Not what it was like between him and the other members.  Not what it was like, generally, within the team.  Just him, only him, Jonghyun.

            Whoo.  Jonghyun exhaled, scrubbing both hands through his hair.  Had he misunderstood everything?  Had he missed something so important?  Was Onew…?  Did Onew feel…?

            “Okay?” Minho asked.  “Having a breakdown?”

            Jonghyun stared at the side of Onew’s head as Onew focused on eating like his plate would run away if he didn’t pin it in place with his gaze.  “Yes.  Yes.  I am.”

            Nodding at the PD, Onew tucked his hair behind his ear.  He told himself not to look.  Trained his gaze on the PD and ordered himself not to look.  Smiled at her joke and commanded himself not to look.

            For an instant, he shot a quick look to his left.  Immediately, Jonghyun met his gaze.  Trying not to blush, trying to control his expression, he jerked his gaze back to the PD and remembered to breathe.

            Why did Jonghyun keep staring at him?  It seemed like Jonghyun’s eyes were bigger and bigger every time he glanced over.  It was starting to freak him out.  What was there to stare at?  What was Jonghyun thinking?

            Ordinarily, he’d assume that he had something on his face, that his hair was doing something weird, or that Jonghyun wanted to communicate an important point about their schedule.  But today, everything seemed connected to Last Night.  Every time their eyes met, Onew was scalded with memories of Last Night.  Every time he heard the sound of Jonghyun’s voice, he shivered with memories of Last Night, and the way Jonghyun had moaned for him, and the way Jonghyun had whispered in his ear.  Now Jonghyun was staring at him, and he was convinced that it had something to do with Last Night.

            Maybe Jonghyun was thinking, “Wow, what a great hyung, that was some terrific sex.”

            But Jonghyun’s expression was a lot more like, “What the fuck did I do last night, and why did I do it with him?!”

            Onew wished he could go back to this morning and crawl back into bed and stay there.  Everything had been so much better before he’d awakened.

            While Taemin stretched, Jonghyun bounced on his toes, nervous energy crackling through him.  He really needed to talk to Onew.  He’d been flustered and disoriented and second-guessing everything all day.  He should’ve talked to Onew right away, immediately, before they’d even left the dorm.

            Or maybe he should’ve cleared everything up last night, before he’d let his libido override his common sense.  Onew had never done more than kiss the other members, and suddenly Onew had been ready to do all of that with him?  Hadn’t that been a sign that something was going on?  Why hadn’t he slowed down and asked more questions?

            Slowing down and asking questions would have meant admitting that he was in over his head.  Would have meant evaluating what they were doing.  He’d wanted the momentum to carry them forward.  He’d wanted a forbidden taste of what he’d so long denied himself.  He’d wanted Onew, and he’d had a sudden opportunity, a flimsy excuse, and he’d jumped at it.  He’d known that it would be an agonizing, treacherous fall down, and he’d leapt anyway, because he’d known that that first, wild rush of exhilaration would feel incredible.

            Had it been worth it?  Could it ever be worth it, if things were never right between him and Onew again?

            Ugh!  He felt like he was overreacting to every little thought in his head, but his emotions were careening all over the place and his hormones were still caught up in memories of last night and he really, really had to talk to Onew.

            The door to the practice room opened, and Onew walked in, gaze skipping right past Jonghyun to tour the room.  “Key-”

            “We have to talk,” Jonghyun said.

            Onew gave him a calm look.  “Shouldn’t we focus on working hard, and save other conversations for later?”  Walking past him, Onew addressed Key again.

            Jaw dropping, Jonghyun stared after Onew in disbelief.  Was he imagining things, or hadn’t he said that to Onew earlier?  Was Onew quoting him back at himself?  Mocking him?  “Ya!”

            The kids looked at him, Taemin and Minho’s expressions concerned, Key’s scolding.  Onew just kept talking like he’d never spoken.

            “Ya.  Pay attention to me.”  He ran his hand through Onew’s hair again, tugging.  “I’m up here.”

            “You’re down here, too.”  Onew’s mouth was leaving wet, sucking kisses over his hipbone.  “There’s so much of you down here.”

            His laughter was breathless, pleasure humming through him as Onew’s hand cupped his balls.  “You like it?”

            “Why is your hair down here so curly and soft?” Onew asked.  “Mine gets all stupid-looking.”

            “Stupid-looking!”  Jonghyun laughed.  “It isn’t!  What kind of bedroom talk is this?”

            “It isn’t?”  Onew peered down at himself, running his fingers through his pubic hair, then shrugged.  As his head came back up, he smiled broadly at Jonghyun.  “What should we talk about?”

            Jonghyun wiggled his eyebrows, crooking a finger.  “How much you want to fuck me.”

            “So much,” Onew said, immediately moving in.  “So, so, so much, and then even more than that.  How much can I say?”

            Laughing, Jonghyun kissed him, guiding his body closer, left knee pushing up between his thighs, right foot slipping off of the couch to the floor.  “Mmm, hyung.”  Jonghyun smiled up at him, still flushed and turned on from his kiss, from the contact of their bodies, by the anticipation of what they were about to do, by the pleasure of what they’d already done.  Teasing, Jonghyun slid his hand to Onew’s nape, rubbing his thumb up into the softness of Onew’s hair.  “Are you sure that you want it?  Are you sure?”

            “Yes,” Onew moaned, kissing him, sliding a hand between his thighs again.  “Yes, yes.  I need.”

            Needed what?

            Needed sex?

            Or needed Jonghyun?

            Onew didn’t want to go back to the dorm.  He didn’t want to hear Jonghyun explain how wrong last night had been and how it could never happen again.  He didn’t want to stand there and face that couch where he’d finally - - where they’d - - oh, he couldn’t, he couldn’t stand the thought of it.

            Their manager parked the van, and the other members got out.  Onew wanted to sink down in his seat and cover his face with his hands and hibernate until his pain and humiliation went away, but the fans could see him and Taemin was tugging at his arm.  “Onew hyung.  Come on.  Come inside.”

            As soon as they walked into the dorm, Key asked, “Did I show you the thing?” and Minho said, “Show me,” and Taemin hurried after them into the bedroom, closing the door.

            Onew took off his shoes slowly.  Straightened them tidily side-by-side.  Tucked his hair behind his ear and stared down at his socks.  Wiggled his toes.

            “Are you trying to kill me?” Jonghyun asked.

            “Did the interview go well?” Onew asked, striding toward the kitchen.  He didn’t get far before Jonghyun caught his elbow.  He tried to charge forward, but Jonghyun dragged him back, swinging him around.

            “I don’t care about the interview.”  Jonghyun pushed him and he landed with a light bounce on the sofa.  The sofa.  Where they’d…  He started to surge back up, but Jonghyun was on top of him, straddling him, bearing him back down.  Jonghyun’s gaze was intense, and he remembered what Jonghyun’s lips felt like against his own lips - - kissing his skin - - wrapping around his cock - - and he squeezed his eyes shut and he felt Jonghyun’s forehead against his, heard Jonghyun panting in soft, quick breaths.  “What is it?”  Jonghyun’s voice was quiet but demanding.  “I don’t understand.  Was it wrong?”

            Onew was breathing in counterpoint, in when Jonghyun breathed out, out when Jonghyun breathed in.  He shook his head; Jonghyun was so close that their noses brushed.  “It felt so right.”

            Jonghyun’s grip relaxed on his upper arms.  He hadn’t realized that Jonghyun was pinning him so tightly.  “It was good?”

            With a disbelieving expression, Onew stared at him in uncomprehending silence.  How could he ask?  Hadn’t he felt - - but no, Onew reminded himself, the thought accompanied by an abrupt plummeting sensation.  Of course Jonghyun hadn’t felt anything like that.  Jonghyun wasn’t in love.  It had been just another night at the dorm.  Sex with a different member from usual, to see what it was like.  And now that Jonghyun had crossed Onew off of his list, it would be back to Key, back to women, and there would be another girlfriend in a week or so, and Onew was going to go back to loving Jonghyun the way a slowly drowning man loved air.  He’d have enough to survive, at least for a while, but never enough.  Never enough.  And then, someday, there would be nothing but memories.

            He had this memory, anyway.  He had Last Night.  Jonghyun had given him that.  And he wouldn’t let Jonghyun’s regrets steal it from him.

            Straightening his shoulders, he stared firmly into Jonghyun’s gorgeous, dark eyes.  “Let’s not discuss it.  We don’t have to make excuses and apologies to each other, do we?  We’re old enough to understand what we did.”

            Jonghyun looked perplexed, confusion drawing his eyebrows together.  “Why would I apologize?  Should I apologize?”

            No!  What?  “Why are you still trying to talk about it?  Can’t we just forget it happened?”

            “Forget?”  Jonghyun jerked back as if affronted.  His expression was one of such genuine hurt - - of betrayal - - that Onew caught him around the waist, wanting to reassure him.  “You said that you’d never forget!  ‘I won’t forget.’  You told me.  What’s this?  Now you want to forget?  Was it so bad?  Does it mean so little, now?  Is that what you always say?  Were you using some worn-out, greasy line on me?”

            “Why do you always use so many words?” Onew demanded.  “I meant it!  It was important to me!  I don’t want you ruining it with a lot of talk about how you’re finished with me and it won’t happen again.  I understand!  I won’t expect it!  Just let me have this!  Can’t I even have this?!”

            “Finished why?” Jonghyun demanded.  “Why won’t it happen again?  Wasn’t it important to me, too?”

            What?  Onew stared at Jonghyun, not quite comprehending.  His arms tightened, drawing Jonghyun closer to his body.  “Jonghyun-ah?”  Had he misunderstood?  “You don’t regret?”

            Jonghyun rubbed his hands over his own thighs.  “I don’t regret anything.”  His expression flickered to one of chagrin.  “This morning, I was embarrassed.  I thought that I’d shown you too much.”

            “Too much?”

            “Wasn’t it a little…”

            Fascinated, Onew leaned forward.  “Are you blushing?”

            “No!”  Laughing, Jonghyun touched his own cheek as if to feel its warmth.  “Maybe.”

            Ah, he was so beautiful.  Maybe because he’d said that he didn’t have regrets; maybe because they were on the couch again, the couch from Last Night: Onew put a hand on the back of his neck, drawing him in, kissing him.  As their mouths met, he made a warm, gratified sound that sang through Onew’s veins.  The sweet pleasures of his mouth were such an erotic thrill, Onew moaned, hand sliding into his hair to keep him right there.

            Jonghyun’s hands were sliding under Onew’s shirt, stroking his sides, dipping just beneath his waistband.  As Jonghyun pressed closer, hips nudging forward, he felt the answering stiffness of Jonghyun’s arousal against his own hard-on, and he groaned, his body aching all the more but some deep pain in his heart finding relief.

            Twisting, Jonghyun slid away from his lap, pulling him along.  Pursuing Jonghyun’s kiss, unwilling to release Jonghyun’s mouth, he pushed Jonghyun down against the cushions, stretching overtop.  With an approving murmur, Jonghyun ground up against him, tugging up his shirt.  Fire racing through him at the electrifying sensation of friction, at this immediate proof that Jonghyun wanted it - - wanted him - - Onew moaned.

            Breaking his heart, Jonghyun broke the kiss, breathing against his cheek.  Eyes almost closed, Jonghyun reached up, brushing Onew’s hair out of their faces with fingers Onew wanted to kiss.

            Was this it?  Was this the moment Jonghyun would take it all away from him again?

            Jonghyun licked his lips and met Onew’s eyes.  “It isn’t like this.  With the other members.”

            Onew didn’t know how he was supposed to take that.  “It isn’t like this with anyone.”

            He saw, felt Jonghyun relax at that.  Arms curling around his shoulders, Jonghyun smiled at him, an indulgent, flirtatious smile that had his pulse racing.  “Should we have sex?”

            “Yes,” he said immediately.  “A lot.  Let’s have a lot of it.”

            “You like it with me?” Jonghyun asked.  “You want it?”

            “Yes.  Yes, I like, I want.”  He kissed Jonghyun’s cheek, Jonghyun’s ear, the corner of Jonghyun’s jaw.  “Now, let’s do it now,” he suggested, running a hand up under Jonghyun’s shirt.  Damn, he loved the smooth satin of Jonghyun’s skin, the delineation of corded muscle.

            “Mmm.”  Jonghyun’s eyes were half-closed, his smile full of sensual pleasure.  “You want sex?  Or you want me?”

            “You,” Onew said without hesitation.  There was no question, no contest.  “You, you,” he promised, kissing Jonghyun’s sexy mouth.

            Jonghyun’s response to that was a melodious purr, his knee spreading Onew’s thighs.  “Your bed, tonight?”

            No.  He wanted to fuck Jonghyun on this couch again, to prove that it hadn’t been a lone occurrence, to cement the reality that Last Night wasn’t a one-time thing.  Brushing the pad of his thumb across Jonghyun’s soft lips, he smiled.  “Bed tomorrow night.”

            Jonghyun smiled up at him, eyes sparkling.  “Tomorrow night.”

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Copyright August 4, 2013
by Matthew Haldeman-Time