Off-balance

K-pop info and glossary
 
Shinee
Debut: 2008, SM Entertainment
Fan club: Shawol
Name Real name Birth date Role
Onew Lee Jinki December 14, 1989 leader, lead vocal
Jonghyun Kim Jonghyun April 8, 1990 main vocal
Key Kim Kibum September 23, 1991 lead rapper
Minho Choi Minho December 9, 1991 main rapper
Taemin Lee Taemin July 18, 1993 maknae, dancer

I write about men having sex with other men.  You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction.  This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.


            “You’re such a brat!”

            “Aish!  I hate you!”

            The front door slammed shut.

            The bedroom door slammed shut.

            In the kitchen, Onew sighed, handing Minho a bowl.  “This is going to be an awful week.”



            Squirming, Key kicked at Jonghyun’s ankle.  “Why are you squishing me?  Get off of me.”

            “Where do you want me to go?” Jonghyun asked, pressed between Onew and Key on the tiny couch.  “Where can I go?  I don’t have any room, either.”

            “Ya,” Minho said from behind them, squeezing Key’s shoulder.  “Shut up for a while.”

            “Why should I shut up?” Key asked.  “He’s the one taking up all of the space in the world.”

            “I like chicken,” Onew said suddenly.

            Immediately alert, Jonghyun relaxed his posture, smiling at Onew and then quickly glancing around.  Sometimes the completely random things Onew said were meaningless, and sometimes they were a warning to shut up and behave.  Ah, the interviewer was headed toward them.  “You like chicken?” he asked, resting his hand on Key’s thigh like everything was normal.

            “Why do you like chicken, hyung?” Taemin asked, playing along, while Key leaned in, resting an arm on Jonghyun’s shoulder, digging his elbow in hard.  In return, Jonghyun dug his nails into Key’s thigh.

            “I - - oh, hello,” Onew said to the interviewer, as if noticing her for the first time.  They greeted her, and as she checked her notes for a moment, Key leaned in wonderfully, intimately, horribly close and whispered into Jonghyun’s ear.  “Touch me again and I will cut it off.”

            Jonghyun smiled at him brightly and put a hand on his thigh again, squeezing just the way he liked it.  “Should we tell the story about the last time you fell off of the stage?”

            “What?” the interviewer asked brightly.  “Did you?”

            “That’s boring,” Key said.  “That’s not fun, everyone does that.  Let’s tell about the time you split your pants, hyung.  No one’s heard that one yet.”

            Jonghyun smiled, fingers digging in sharply.  “I don’t want to have to kill you.”

            Key laughed, shoving Jonghyun’s hand aside and crossing his legs, leaning toward the reporter.  “It was in front of a big crowd last month at a festival…”



            Ordinarily, Key would have spent the long drive talking to Jonghyun.  But that asshole wasn’t worth his time.  He tried talking to Minho, but Minho wanted to sleep.  Bored, Key listened to music and stared out of the window.

            He hated fighting with Jonghyun.  He hated being so hurt and angry and resentful.  He hated wondering if something would go wrong and they wouldn’t make up this time.  That thought always terrified him, and when he was scared he got stupid, so instead of trying to resolve things and be a better boyfriend he just shoved Jonghyun away even harder.  Like it would hurt less if he drove Jonghyun away before Jonghyun ditched him.

            They always fought over stupid crap, anyway.  Shit that never mattered in the first place.  Okay, maybe this time he had been flirting with that guy, and maybe he had let things go too far, and maybe he should’ve ended it sooner.  He could admit that.  Or he would admit it, later, when he was ready to make up.  But it wasn’t like they’d actually done anything.  It wasn’t like he’d ever cheated on Jonghyun.  It was just that he and Jonghyun had different ideas about what “cheating” meant.  They always had, and they always quarreled about it, and he always tried to curb his behavior.  But a little flirting didn’t mean anything, and he liked the attention.  Why didn’t Jonghyun know how harmless it was?  Why didn’t Jonghyun trust him?

            When the van stopped, he was stepping out when Jonghyun turned around right in front of him and put a hand on his chest.  Annoyed, he pushed the hand away, but it came back, gripping the front of his shirt and tugging him out of the van, too close to Jonghyun’s body.  “Ya,” Jonghyun said, and he rolled his eyes, looking over Jonghyun’s shoulder.  The sight of the fans waiting in front of the broad, outdoor stage softened his irritation.  He wanted to forget about this fight and enjoy his fans.  It would be good to spend time with them.

            “Kibum,” Jonghyun said, while Onew talked to their manager.  “Don’t be a brat.”

            He slapped Jonghun’s hand away again.  “Don’t call me that.”

            “You know how it is.  The fans notice everything.  Don’t upset Shawol.”

            Ugh.  Turning away, he fixed his hair, buying time.  Jonghyun was right, but it frustrated him that Jonghyun thought that he needed to be told, like he was some young hoobae who had to be reminded.  Like he’d ever do anything to upset Shawol.  He didn’t want the fans to worry; he knew how to put a good face on for them.  Half-turning, giving Jonghyun a bright, completely fake smile over his shoulder, he said, “Don’t worry, hyung.  I won’t let your fans know what a suspicious, hateful jerk you are.”

            “Ya!”  Jonghyun yanked him backward; he fell against Jonghyun’s chest, a fist in the small of his back.  “Apologize now, Kim Kibum.”

            Straightening, he pulled away, turning to glare into Jonghyun’s wide, angry eyes.  “I’ll apologize after you.”



            They performed well, then relaxed and talked to the fans for a bit.  Sitting on the front of the stage, Jonghyun put his arm around Key, and Key leaned into him, laughing at whatever Taemin was saying.  It was so familiar and natural a moment that it was disorienting; it made Jonghyun feel as if everything were normal again, as if they’d never fought at all.  They were so good together, this was the way things had always been; this was the way things always should be.

            They teased each other and flirted a little.  Jonghyun tried to make it seem natural, but their balance felt off; it seemed as if everything was either too forced and obvious or too cutting and biting.  He hated fighting with any of the members, but fighting with Key was the worst, because he always trusted that the other members would get over it.  Key didn’t always get over things.  Key held grudges, and the idea that Key wouldn’t forgive him this time, that Key would decide that he wasn’t worth it, always scared him.

            When they bowed, Key pulled him in, making a heart with him.  Laughing, he waved to the fans.  As they walked offstage, still waving, he took Key’s hand.

            As soon as they were out of sight, Key yanked away so sharply that his bracelet scratched Jonghyun’s wrist.  “Ow!” Jonghyun said, surprised.  Key just stalked away without looking back.



            Taemin put his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall, smiling into the camera.  To his left, Jonghyun leaned against his shoulder; to his right, Key bent forward as the photographer snapped more photos.

            “You look ridiculous,” Key muttered under his breath.  The music in the studio was so loud, Taemin could barely hear the photographer’s half-shouted directions, but after years of whispering to each other in crowded rooms and in front of cameras, he and the other members could catch each other’s voices at any volume.

            “At least my hair isn’t a national disgrace,” Jonghyun said under his breath.

            Taemin turned to one side, tilting his head.  He’d just ignore them.  He’d ignore them and they’d shut up.

            “Stop trying to widen your eyes.  You’re embarrassing yourself,” Key said.

            “Embarrassing?” Jonghyun asked.  “Like those necklaces?  Is that a student’s art project or just something you picked out of the trash?”

            Taemin leaned against Key, pouting a little.  The photographer would be finished soon, right?  Hadn’t they taken enough shots now?       

            “Is that shirt supposed to be a joke?” Key asked, dropping one shoulder and leaning in.

            “Wear your pants tighter, Key.  Maybe there’s still someone left who hasn’t seen your balls.”

            Taemin tried to look pleasant and approachable and sexy, even though annoyed, fed up, and murderous felt a lot more natural at the moment.

            “You want to talk about balls?” Key asked.

            “No,” Taemin said under his breath, running his hand through his hair and cocking one knee.

            “About how much you miss mine?” Jonghyun asked.

            “No, you vain jackass.” Key said.

            “Vain?  Me?  I’m vain?” Jonghyun asked.  Taemin stepped on his foot to get him to shut up.  It didn’t work.  “How many hours did you spend in front of the mirror yesterday?”

            “The photographer’s assistant asked for my number,” Key said.

            Jonghyun didn’t reply.

            Despite the pounding of the music, the studio suddenly seemed unnaturally quiet.  Trying to turn normally, Taemin looked at Jonghyun.  The tight-lipped smile on Jonghyun’s face looked so pathetic and determined that Taemin wanted to hug him.  Damn it, why were these stupid hyungs fighting like this?  “You’re not going to give it to him,” Taemin said to Key.

            “It’s my number,” Key said.  “I can do whatever I want with it.”

            “Success!” the photographer called.  “All right, thank you!  You worked hard!”

            Jonghyun broke away from the wall like it was about to come crashing down on him.  “Thank you, you worked hard, you worked hard,” he said, and then he was gone.



            “Get your hand out of my face.”  Key’s expression probably looked like a smile to the fans, who were yards away, but his tone was venomous.

            “You ruined my entire outfit and I have to go around looking like this,” Jonghyun said.  “I’ll put my hand wherever I damn well like it.”

            Onew waved to the fans.  Such terrific, happy, supportive fans of such stupid, annoying, petty members.

            “I didn’t do it on purpose,” Key snapped for the thirty-fifth time.

            “You didn’t spill your drink on purpose,” Jonghyun said.  “You didn’t flirt on purpose.  You didn’t kiss on purpose.  You didn’t give out your number on purpose, either, did you?”

            The PD was coming.  “I want a new favorite color,” Onew said loudly.  “Shouldn’t I choose a new favorite color?”

            “Choose neon pearl lime,” Minho said.

            “Neon what?” Taemin asked, laughing.  “You should choose pearl aqua, hyung.”

            Jonghyun’s muscular arm coiled tightly around Key’s neck; he smiled, pulling Key so close his nose almost brushed Key’s ear.  “My favorite color’s pink,” Jonghyun said.  “Soft, rosy pink.”

            Key closed his eyes, licking his lips.  He looked so pained and miserable and distressed that Onew wanted to help him, but what was wrong?  Why was he so upset?

            The PD was with them, talking to Minho.  “Pink,” Jonghyun repeated, right against Key’s ear.  “Like the inside of a rose.  I like to dab my paintbrush right into it.  Right.  Into.  It.”

            Suddenly comprehending, Onew yanked Jonghyun away.  “Ya!”

            “Oh, did you get it, hyung?” Taemin asked, brushing Key aside and standing between Jonghyun and Key with Onew, separating them further.  “I thought that it was going to sting you!” he told Jonghyun.

            “I think it flew away,” Onew said.  Such a quick-thinking kid.  “You’re such a good maknae,” he said, cupping Taemin’s face in both hands.  “Don’t ever grow up to be like your hyungs.”

            “Hello, Shinee members,” Minho said.  “Ready?”

            Onew smiled at the PD, then turned to Key, brushing Key’s hair out of his eyes.  “Are you okay?”  That was a stupid question.  Key looked like he was going to cry and then stab someone.  Or maybe stab first.  “Maybe you should fix your make-up.”  That would give Key a chance to go away and cry.  It wasn’t really a good moment for stabbing, but crying they might have time for.

            “No.”  Key sniffed and flashed Onew a brave smile, putting on his camera-ready expression.  “Let’s start.”

            Onew hugged him.  “This is my favorite member,” he told the PD.

            “I thought I was your favorite,” Minho and Taemin said.  Immediately, they turned to each other.  “Ya!”



            Key was terrific the entire time they were in front of the fans and cameras.  As soon as they were back in the van, though, he stopped looking at Jonghyun entirely, and Jonghyun didn’t blame him.  They had two more schedules that day, and the more normal and friendly and flirtatious Key was to him in front of everyone else, the worse Jonghyun felt.

            When they finally made it back to the dorm, Jonghyun followed Key into the bedroom.  “I’m sorry-”

            “Don’t speak to me,” Key said, and walked past him out of the room.

            He deserved that.  “I’m sorry,” Jonghyun repeated, following Key into the kitchen.  “I shouldn’t have said that.  About color.”

            “It’s fine,” Key said, opening the refrigerator.  “I like being humiliated in front of other people in a professional setting.  I like it when you taunt me with the threat of revealing details of my private sex life in front of my colleagues and superiors and fans.  It’s absolutely fucking perfect.  Please, do it again.”

            Oh, god.  When he put it like that, it sounded horrific.  “Shit, Key.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean it like that.  I shouldn’t have said it, but I didn’t mean it like that.”  Key closed the refrigerator door and walked away.  Jonghyun followed, not wanting to be alone with this awful feeling.  “I’m sorry.  I won’t talk like that again.  I won’t say it again.”  Key walked into the bedroom.  “Do you hate me?” Jonghyun asked, wincing.

            “Yes,” Key said, and closed the door in his face.



            Jonghyun was quiet for two days straight.  Weirdly quiet.  It was kind of nice; Minho had never enjoyed so many peaceful hours in a row.  Jonghyun spent a lot of time looking worried and guilty and solicitous, but Minho didn’t feel sorry for him.  He’d been a complete ass and he deserved whatever he got for it.

            Then again, Minho didn’t feel very sorry for Key, either.  How many times was Key going to pick up other guys right in front of Jonghyun before he realized that maybe he should stop it?  How many times was he going to drag the argument out instead of apologizing?

            Jonghyun being quiet was an interesting change, but after two days of it, Minho wished that he’d go back to being chatty and flirtatious.  And that Key would go back to being opinionated and snarky.  And that they’d kiss and make up - - or make up and screw - - so that he could be embarrassed by how greasy and obvious his members were, and not by how petty and stupid they were.



            When they got out of the van, they could see - - and hear, definitely hear - - the fans on the other side of the fence.  Onew waved, and Taemin walked over to the fence with Minho.  Onew was about to go over there, too, when he noticed Key looping both arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders from behind and whispering something into Jonghyun’s ear.  Jonghyun’s smile became very tense, but he waved at the fans.  Trying to look natural, Onew approached and put a hand on Key’s back.  “You’re not saying anything you’re going to regret, are you?”

            “No.”  Key patted Jonghyun’s chest.  “I’m just telling my best hyung here that I have a date.  The photographer’s assistant called me this morning and we’re going to meet at a gallery tomorrow night.”

            “This isn’t funny,” Onew said.

            “It isn’t a joke,” Key snapped.  Then he waved at the fans.  “He’s really experienced.  I asked, to make sure.  There’s nothing worse than dealing with some ‘trust me, I’m bi’ straight guy who’s never been with a man before.  Ugh, I hate breaking those in.  They never.  Know.  What.  The fuck.  They’re doing,” he said, slapping Jonghyun’s chest with each word.  “He’s really tall, too.  That’ll be great.  I’m so tired of,” he kneed the back of Jonghyun’s thigh, “little guys.”

            “Ya!”  Jonghyun broke away from Key’s hold, pivoting.

            Key caught his hands, holding on, smiling with grim determination.  “Don’t you embarrass me in front of Shawol, Kim Jonghyun.”

            “What are you saying about me?” Jonghyun demanded.  “About us?”

            “There is no us,” Key snapped, turning his back to the fans.  “There’s Shinee and there’s me, and when I’m not working, you have nothing to do with me.”

            “Stop it,” Onew said sharply.  “I don’t want to hear you talk like this.  This is going too far.  I don’t care if you’re joking or not, you’re not seeing that guy.”

            “Excuse me?” Key asked, raising his eyebrows.  Facing the fans, Jonghyun wore a plastered-on smile.

            “We’re having an extra practice tomorrow night,” Onew decided.  “And then you’re going straight back to the dorm to rest.  No free time.  And give me your phone.”

            “What?!”  Key’s mouth dropped open.

            “Give me your phone,” Onew repeated, holding out his hand.  “You’re distracted and upset and emotional.  No texts, no calls, no dates until you improve.  If your work life is so separate from your personal life, get your work life together and you can have your phone back.”

            “None of this has ever affected my stage performance,” Key snapped.

            “What about now?” Onew asked.  “Are you standing over here fucking with Jonghyun, or are you standing over there taking care of Shawol?”  While Key stared at him in outrage, he repeated, “Give me your phone.”

            Key slapped his phone into Onew’s hand.  “What about him?”

            “I’m just some co-worker, right?” Jonghyun asked.  “Why do you care?”

            Snatching his hands away, Key walked over to the fence.

            Shoving his hands into his pockets, Jonghyun hunched his shoulders, turning his back to the fence.  He was having trouble composing his expression; he blinked a few times and stared past Onew’s shoulder.

            “He doesn’t mean it,” Onew said, feeling helpless and not knowing what else to say.

            Jonghyun’s laugh was empty.  “Doesn’t mean what?”



            “Just walk and wave,” Onew said as they walked through the airport.  “Just walk and wave.”

            “I can’t wait to get there,” Key said.  “Everyone there’s so friendly.  I can’t wait to make new friends.”

            “Shut up,” Minho said, smiling, waving at fans.

            “It’s been so long since I made a really good friend,” Key said.  “Not a clueless, selfish hyung who thinks that attacking things like he’s sucking through a straw is a good method.”

            “Shut up,” Minho said behind his smile.

            “A good friend?” Jonghyun asked.  “A good friend, not a nasty dongsaeng who criticizes everything I do and makes me feel like nothing’s ever good enough?”

            “Shut up, shut up, shut up,” Minho said.

            “Is someone talking?” Key asked.  “Is someone talking?  I can’t hear, sorry.  I’ve gone deaf from always having that Kim Jonghyun screaming and wailing and warbling when he does that horrible screeching he calls ‘singing.’”

            “Shut up or I will kick you in the back of your neck,” Minho said.

            “Let’s see,” Jonghyun said.  “I can’t sing, I’m terrible in bed, I’m short, I’m ugly, I’m boring, I can’t dance, my clothes are ugly, I’m embarrassing, you wish you’d never met me, you wish you’d never wasted your time on me, and my cock is too small.  Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

            “Please don’t say that word in public,” Onew said.

            “Don’t say it at all,” Key said.  “It’s not like you know what to do with it.  Yours or anyone else’s.”

            “Shut up or I will trip you right here in front of everyone,” Minho said.

            “Is everyone great the very first time?” Taemin asked.  “Isn’t that a mean thing to criticize someone for?”

            “I was awful my first time,” Onew said.  “I hope I’m better now.  I think I’m better now.”

            “I thought I knew exactly what I was doing,” Minho said.  “I’m so embarrassed now, looking back on it.”

            “It’s okay to fumble the first time,” Key said.  “It’s too bad that some people never improve.”

            “Key hyung,” Taemin said.

            “What?” Key asked.

            “Please shut up.”



            “Here’s your key,” Onew said, passing one to each member in the hotel hallway.  “We’re up early tomorrow.  Stay in your room and go to sleep.  Don’t leave the room, don’t leave the hotel.  If these doors open, you’re the team maknae for a month.”

            Taemin looked hopeful.

            Key checked his key, then grabbed Jonghyun’s.  “Ya!”

            “I don’t want to hear it,” Onew said.  “Get in your room and lock the door.  No one wants to see you until morning.”

            “Good night,” Minho said, pushing Taemin into their room.

            Key stared at Jonghyun in disbelieving fury.

            “Hyung.”  Jonghyun held out his key to Onew.  “What are you trying to do to me?”

            “Get in your room,” Onew repeated.

            “I’m not staying in the same room with him,” Key said, crossing his arms over his chest.

            Onew gave him a flat, unimpressed look.  “No?”



            As the door shut behind them, Key turned, kicking it.  “Damn it!”

            Jonghyun dropped his bag onto the second bed and ran his hands through his hair.  “You-”

            “Don’t speak to me.”  Key stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door.

            Jonghyun flopped across his bed, hands behind his head.  This was going to be hell.



            Key planned to stay in the bathroom for as long as he could.  It was better than sitting out there with Jonghyun.

            He killed time arranging things on the bathroom sink.  He wondered what Jonghyun was doing.  He organized his suitcase.  He wondered what Jonghyun was thinking about.  He took a long shower.  He berated himself for thinking about the many, many times he’d showered with Jonghyun.  He dried his hair.  He silently cursed Jonghyun’s name.  He cleaned up the bathroom.  Oh, god, he missed Jonghyun.

            It was so difficult, trying to maintain this level of anger.  It was so painful and frustrating, staying estranged and angry this long.  He didn’t want to fight, he wanted to get back together.  But Jonghyun had said some really mean crap, and he’d wanted to punish Jonghyun for it.  And he’d gone too far and said things he shouldn’t have said, and now he didn’t know how to take them back.  He was worried that he’d pushed too hard and now if he did apologize, Jonghyun wouldn’t take him back.  Damn it damn it damn it, why had he said those things?

            He couldn’t just hang out in the bathroom naked forever, so he put on his striped boxer-briefs.  If things had been going well, he might walk around in just that, letting Jonghyun look, letting Jonghyun like it, enjoying being admired.  But things weren’t going well and he felt self-conscious, so he put on a T-shirt, too.

            Alone in the bathroom, he felt lonely and pitiful and horny.  He wished that he could call someone for a pep talk, but Onew had his stupid phone.  For as long as he and Jonghyun had been together, his personal policy had been, “I don’t need to jack off.  That’s what I have a boyfriend for.”  He stroked himself some while they were making out or having sex, but never to completion; that was Jonghyun’s job.

            Jonghyun had the highest sex drive of anyone Key had ever been with, plus they lived together, so Key’s body was accustomed to regular - - constant - - sexual activity.  He and Jonghyun had been fighting for over a week, now, and the sexual deprivation was getting to him.

            He wondered how Jonghyun was dealing with it.  By masturbating, probably.  He wondered how long it would be before Jonghyun became horny enough to need more.  He wondered if Jonghyun would apologize to him, then, to make up. Or if Jonghyun would go and find someone else.

            That idea unsettled him so much that he hurried out of the bathroom, afraid to find the hotel room empty, afraid that Jonghyun had gone out and - - but no.  No, thank god, Jonghyun was right there, still in the room, live and tangible, asleep on top of the bed.

            Annoyed with himself for getting so panicked, irritated that he was jealous enough to freak out over the idea of Jonghyun with someone else, he told himself not to draw parallels.  Maybe he hated the thought of Jonghyun with another person, but that didn’t make it okay for Jonghyun to get jealous when he was flirting with other guys.  He’d deliberately led the guy on, enjoying himself, flashing all of his best looks.  There had been a railing between them and he’d used it like a prop, arching his back and leaning over it, pouting his lips and pressing against it, rubbing it with his hands, sliding the circle of his fingers up and down, up and down.  The guy had been hot for him, and he’d loved the attention, but he hadn’t intended to do anything.  Just talk for a while and enjoy being wanted.  Didn’t Jonghyun know how much he thrived on that?

            Jonghyun did know.  It was what they did with each other, all day, every day.  Flirting.  Teasing.  Looking, wanting, knowing.  They couldn’t do what they needed to do or say what they needed to say in public, so they did everything but that.  They said everything leading to that.  Nothing turned Key on more than that extended foreplay of the way Jonghyun wanted him all day long.

            Key frowned.  Was that why Jonghyun got so jealous?  Was that why Key’s flirting with other guys bothered him so much?  But it was different with other guys!  Flirting with Jonghyun and flirting with other guys would be like dancing with Jonghyun versus dancing with other guys or having sex with Jonghyun versus having sex with other guys or - - or - - or anything, anything at all.  It was always so much better with Jonghyun than with anyone else.  All of it.  That was why Key loved him so much and wanted him so much and had stayed with him for so long and kept coming back to him and panicked at the thought of losing him.  Because nothing had ever, ever been this good, and he knew that nothing else could.

            Jonghyun looked tired but so, so handsome.  Key turned off the main lights, leaving on just a lamp between the beds.  When he took off Jonghyun’s socks, Jonghyun didn’t even stir.  He sat beside Jonghyun and chewed on his lower lip and wondered what to say.

            He had to start with, “I’m sorry.”  But he didn’t know if that would be enough to bring Jonghyun back to him.  And every time he thought about Jonghyun not coming back to him, scared little butterflies flew wildly around his stomach.

            He lay down beside Jonghyun.  On his side, he could watch Jonghyun’s face.  They never slept with this much space between them.  They’d shared little twin beds for so long that they could fall asleep in all sorts of crammed-together configurations.  When they’d first started having sex, they’d separated to their own beds to go to sleep, but after a while they’d stopped bothering.  When they were in the same bed already, it made morning sex that much more convenient, anyway.

            It was kind of hard to believe that Jonghyun had bought any of that bullshit he’d been serving all week about how bad their sex life was.  They’d had so much sex that he joked about looking back on these years of his life as “that time I lived as Kim Jonghyun’s pleasure slave and occasionally hung out onstage with this performing club called Shinee.”  Jonghyun couldn’t possibly accept any of his insults as real, not after - - ugh, Jonghyun had seen him in some really embarrassing situations.  They hadn’t been embarrassing at the time, they’d been fun and sexy and hot and sometimes kind of naughty, and remembering them was an incredible turn-on.  But ugh, he really had made a spectacle of himself a few times.  How could Jonghyun see him like that and then ever doubt how much he’d loved it?

            As sexual memories flooded him, heat washed through him, too, and he squirmed uncomfortably, cupping his hard-on between his legs.  He wished that Jonghyun would wake up and fuck him.  Or wake up and apologize and confess to loving him and beg him to get back together.  Or at least let him get a mouthful of that hard, silky, luscious cock.

            Licking his lips, he slid his hand across Jonghyun’s abs, pulling up Jonghyun’s shirt.  “Hyung.”  He rubbed the heel of his hand from left to right and then dragged his fingernails from right to left, just the way Jonghyun liked it.  He’d never known any of his other partners so well.  “Jonghyun hyung.”

            Frowning in sleepy confusion, Jonghyun looked at him.

            Sliding his hand down, he opened Jonghyun’s fly.  “Don’t you think we’ve been too hard on the other members?  We’ve upset them long enough.  Let’s get along for their sake.”

            “What are you doing?”  Confusion was turning to anger.

            “I’m trying to make up,” Key said, slipping his fingers inside Jonghyun’s fly, caressing the soft cotton of Jonghyun’s underpants and-

            “Don’t.”  Jonghyun twisted away, sitting up and pushing Key’s hand aside.  “What are you doing?  What are you thinking?”

            Shit.  Was he really going to have to say it?  Jonghyun looked hurt and angry, and it was making him feel weird and scared and hollow inside.  “I’m sorry, okay?  I’m sorry.  I said things I didn’t mean.  Can I take them back?”

            “Everything that you said!  You talk like you hate me!  If you think so little of me-”

            “I don’t!  I just told you that I didn’t mean it.  I was angry, I wanted to piss you off.  You said some nasty shit, too,” Key reminded him.  “Pink?  You talked about pink in front of everybody!”

            “I’m sorry!”  Jonghyun rubbed the side of his own neck, looking distressed.  “I’m sorry about that.  I tried to apologize but you wouldn’t talk to me.”

            “You can’t say things like that in public!”

            “I won’t!  I won’t, I won’t,” Jonghyun said hastily, sincerely.  “I wasn’t thinking right.  I won’t do it again.”

            Key nodded, believing him.  “Let’s accept our apologies and make up.”  Key offered a hand.

            “Everything you said.  Disappears?” Jonghyun asked.

            “I didn’t mean any of it.  I just told you that.  You can’t hold it against me.”

            “You really hurt me,” Jonghyun said.  “You embarrassed me.  I don’t have any confidence when you talk about me like that.”

            Key hated feeling so guilty.  “I’m sorry!  How many times do you want me to apologize?  Let’s stop talking about it and make up.”  His hand on Jonghyun’s thigh, he leaned in for a kiss.

            A hand against his chest, pushing him back, stopped him.  “Why?” Jonghyun asked, wide-eyed, surprised-looking.  “What is this?”

            “We’re making up,” Key insisted.

            “You hate everything about the way I touch you.”

            “I just said I didn’t mean that!”

            “You sounded like you meant it!”

            “Are you stupid?” Key demanded.  “How much time have I spent begging for your cock, sucking your cock, riding your cock, and crawling between your thighs asking for more?  You’re going to take a few angry words over that?”

            “You said I didn’t know what I was doing and my cock was too small!”

            “Oh, come on.  Everyone who’s ever been pissed off at their boyfriend has said that!”  Was he going to have to embarrass himself?  “You’re the best lover I’ve ever had, I’ve told you that a thousand times.  Your cock is the sexiest damned one I’ve ever seen.  I’ve told you that, too.  If you listen to the mean, stupid things I say, why don’t you listen to the good things, too?”

            “You sounded like you meant it!”

            “I’m in love with you!  Don’t I sound like I mean that, too?”  Key fell back across the bed, pulling Jonghyun on top of him.  “Accept my apology and make love to me.”

            Jonghyun hesitated, then started to pull away.  “You’ve made me self-conscious.”

            Augh, now he felt guilty and awful, and he hated feeling bad about himself.  “Don’t go so far away,” he muttered, drawing Jonghyun back in.  “You haven’t touched me all week and I hate it.  Normally you’re all over me.”

            “Aish, so awkward,” Jonghyun said, fidgeting against him, hands near him but not on him.

            “It shouldn’t be!  How have we lived for years?  You spend more time cuddling on me than you do dancing around onstage.”  He rolled onto his side, shoving Jonghyun into position against him.  “Now call me pet names like you always do.”

            Jonghyun smiled, caressing the side of his face, gazing into his eyes with the fondness and affection he’d craved.  “Look at you.  This is how my Kim Key tells me he loves me.  Frowning at me and looking irritated and blushing, annoyed with me but asking for more.  You’re so funny, our sexy key.”

            This was so much more like it.  Relieved, Key draped an arm around Jonghyun’s waist, snuggling up against Jonghyun’s firm, muscular body.  “More.”

            “Ah, jagiya.”  Jonghyun sighed, forehead to forehead, petting Key’s neck.  “I’ve missed you, my jagiya.  We can’t fight like this anymore.”

            Closing his eyes, Key wished that Jonghyun would kiss him.  “I’m sorry, hyung.  I hate myself for hurting you.  I won’t talk that way again.”

            “I love you,” Jonghyun murmured.  “Please don’t cheat on me.”

            “I won’t,” Key said, his eyes opening.  “I swear it, I won’t,” he promised, holding on more tightly.  “I’ll never cheat on you.  I’ll be more careful in my flirting.  I’ll save only the best for you.”

            Jonghyun’s kiss was a soft press of lips that relaxed everything in Key’s body.  “What were you reaching for earlier?” Jonghyun whispered, kissing his cheek and gazing into his eyes.

            Oh.  That.  Blushing, Key licked his lips and tried to look cool.  “Something.”

            Jonghyun grinned the flirtatious, mischievous grin that meant he was in a playful mood.  God, that look always turned Key on.  “Something?  What something?”  He ran his hand down Key’s back and kissed Key again, lightly, teasingly.  “Was it something you wanted?  Something you liked?”

            “So embarrassing,” Key said, squirming against him uncomfortably and loving the intimacy, the friction, the feel of his body so close.  “Yes, it’s something I need.  Can I have it?”

            Jonghyun was breathing against the side of his neck in the way that Jonghyun knew always made his spine melt.  “You need it?” Jonghyun asked, knuckles sliding lightly along his jaw.  “Take it.”

            Augh, he’d needed Jonghyun’s cock for days.  Wedging his hand between their bodies, he pushed Jonghyun’s underwear out of his way, curling his fingers around the stiffening shaft of Jonghyun’s cock.  Immediately, Jonghyun’s hips rocked forward, and Jonghyun made a gorgeous, moaning, purring, “Ooorrrooowwrrmm,” noise against his neck.  The familiar, sensual sound of it turned Key on so much that he groaned, too, and stole Jonghyun’s lips in a long, needy kiss.  “You’re going to fuck me?” he asked, as Jonghyun pushed up his shirt and stroked his skin.  Mmm, that felt good.  He arched into it, moaning, and Jonghyun started opening his fly, cupping him, kissing his mouth, his neck, his mouth again as he whimpered and ground against Jonghyun’s hand.  “Fuck me, fuck me,” he panted, squeezing Jonghyun’s cock.

            Jonghyun’s tongue traced the curve of his ear until he shivered.  Jonghyun’s soft, breathy voice was seductively musical.  “Beg me for it.”  As the words registered, the hand between his legs rubbed his balls in a way that sent need sizzling up his thighs.

            “No,” he moaned.  It turned him on just to be asked to beg for it, and it embarrassed him that Jonghyun knew it, that Jonghyun could feel the hardness of his pulsing cock.  “Don’t make me,” he whispered, so aroused and so ashamed that he felt hot, a fever racing through his veins.  He needed it enough to beg for it, and they both knew it; wasn’t that enough, without the words?

            “My jagiya.”  Jonghyun’s hand tugged down his underwear just enough to let the room’s air cool his flushed skin.  “Do you need time to think about it?”

            “No,” he moaned, dragging his nails across the small of Jonghyun’s back.  “Hyung.”  He shuddered at the pleasure racing through him as Jonghyun kissed his mouth.  He didn’t want to beg.  He didn’t want to admit how badly he wanted it.  It was so much easier when Jonghyun was aggressive and he could let Jonghyun’s momentum carry them forward.  But he’d been cruel to his hyung, and Jonghyun deserved to hear it, just this once.  “I love it when you touch me like this,” he confessed, sparks of ecstasy skittering across his skin as Jonghyun pushed his underwear down a little more and caressed the lines of his pelvis.  Cupping Jonghyun’s jaw in both hands, he stole long, sweet kisses while Jonghyun’s fingers stroked behind his balls in a way that made his pulse jump.  “Mmm, hyung, please.  Jonghyun hyung,” he moaned, fisting his hand in Jonghyun’s shirt.  “Why are you wearing so many clothes?!  Why aren’t you fucking me?!  Jonghyun hyung, please, I want to feel your sexy, hard cock stretching me open.”  Yes, ah, the wet, sucking heat of Jonghyun’s mouth on his neck was making his back arch.  “I love how well you fuck me, no one’s ever done it like you.”

            “My greedy Kibum,” Jonghyun whispered, pushing his underwear down, Jonghyun’s bare hand palming the curve of his ass.  “It’s always the best between us.”

            “The best, ohhoh, hyung, aahhhmm, yes,” Key said, moaning in pleasure as Jonghyun ground against him.  “It’s never so good with anyone else, please, hyung, fuck me however you want me.”  Trying to rock up against the hot length of Jonghyun’s erection, Key panted against the side of Jonghyun’s neck.  “I don’t care how you want it, I just have to feel you so deep and hard inside me.”

            “I love you so, so much,” Jonghyun said, kissing him until he wanted to drown in the sensual passion of Jonghyun’s mouth and the erotic music of Jonghyun’s moans.  “My beautiful Kim Key.”



            Minho sighed as Jonghyun took the camera from his hand.

            “Yes, we’re shooting the photos for our calendar today,” Jonghyun told the camera, taking a seat beside Key on the couch.

            Key leaned in against Jonghyun’s shoulder, giving the camera a little wave, then immediately began to fix his hair.

            “Taemin’s going first,” Jonghyun explained.  “He took three hours-”

            “One and a half,” Key said, smoothing his bangs.

            “-with the stylist.  Two hours,” Jonghyun told Key.

            “One hour, forty-five minutes,” Key said.

            Jonghyun nodded.  “Our beautiful Key-”

            “Handsome,” Key said, finally finished with his hair.

            “Our handsome Key,” Jonghyun corrected himself, “will be September.  What’s your concept for September?”

            “Mmm.”  Key looked thoughtful while Jonghyun adjusted his necklaces for him.  “My concept is freshness.”

            Jonghyun laughed, gazing at Key’s face.  “What?  Why freshness?”

            Crossing his legs, Key leaned in closer, adjusting the camera’s angle.  “My birthday’s in September.  It’s a month for celebrating, right?  We should all become better people on our birthdays.  Fresher people.  New start.”

            “What kind of person are you going to be?” Onew asked, squatting behind the couch and resting his chin on Jonghyun’s head.

            “Ah!  Ah, hyung,” Jonghyun said, laughing.

            “I don’t know,” Key said.  “Don’t I have time to think about it?”

            “Ah, our leader,” Jonghyun said, adjusting the shot to include Onew better.  “Very handsome.  What are you wearing?”

            Onew looked down at himself, then smiled at the camera.  “Clothes.”

            “I like this,” Key said, touching Jonghyun’s black-and-pink shirt, his fingers brushing right over Jonghyun’s nipple.  Behind the camera, Minho rolled his eyes while Jonghyun laughed.  “It’s nice.  Hyung looks good in pink.”

            “Yes?” Jonghyun asked, looking flattered.  “You like it?”

            “Pink is a very good color for you,” Key said.

            “I like pink,” Jonghyun said, smiling at Key as if the camera weren’t right there.

            “Pink like candy,” Key said, smiling right back.

            Looking flirtatious and entranced, Jonghyun licked his lips.  “Pink is delicious.”

            “I like pearl aqua,” Onew said.  “That’s my favorite color.”

            “Mmm, mine, too,” Key said, fixing his hair again with a bland expression.

            “Shawol fighting!” Jonghyun told the camera, waving.  “I love you!”

            As Key left his bangs alone long enough to make a heart with Jonghyun, Minho smiled.  It was good to have things back to normal.



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Copyright July 29, 2013
by Matthew Haldeman-Time