Sleep Talking

K-pop info and glossary
Teen Top
Debut: 2010, Top Media (first group to debut under Top Media, a company started by Andy from Shinhwa)
Fan club: Angel
Name Real name Birth date Role
C.A.P Bang Minsoo November 4, 1992 leader, rapper
Chunji Lee Chanhee October 5, 1993 lead singer, visual
L.Joe Lee Byunghun November 23, 1993 rapper
Niel Ahn Daniel August 16, 1994 main vocal
Ricky Yoo Changhyun February 27, 1995 visual, fake maknae
Changjo Choi Jonghyun November 16, 1995 maknae, dancer
I write about men having sex with other men.  You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction.  This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.

            It felt good, so good, it was incredible.  Close, close, he was so close to coming, “Yes, yes, please, maknae, please, do it, auuhh…”  His cock ached, his body ached, he needed it, so good, so close.

            Crouched down between his thighs, Changjo was looking up at him.  “Hyung.  What do you want?”

            “You, I…  I want you, I want…”  Frustrated, desperate, he licked his lips, squirming, the need burning between his thighs making him whimper.  “Now, now, maknae, suck me, please.”

            “What about my cock?” Changjo asked.  “Can I fuck you?”

            Fuck him?  Shuddering, L.Joe spread his thighs, feeling feverishly hot.  “Yes,” he moaned, choking on his own lust.  “Yes, maknae, fuck me, I need it.”  Ah, so hard, his cock was so hard, he just wanted to come, why wouldn’t Changjo let him come?

            “Get up, get up, everybody, get up!”

            Disoriented, L.Joe opened his eyes a crack, moaning.  As he realized what was happening - - Niel was in the doorway, yelling at them to get up - - instinct kicked in and he rolled onto his stomach, trying to hide the way his erection tented his shorts.  After hurling a pillow in Niel’s direction and landing a decent hit, he groaned, squeezed his eyes shut, fought the urge to hump the bed, ran his hand through his hair, and opened his eyes again.

            He was really, really tired of waking up with a hard-on every morning.

            He was really, really embarrassed that he dreamt about the maknae so goddamned often.

            “Awake?” Changjo asked, sitting up in the other bed.

            Grunting, he rubbed his eyes.  “Go have breakfast.”  He needed a moment alone to get off and figure out what the hell was wrong with him.

            It was one thing to be hot for Changjo.  He was horny, they were together twenty-four hours a day seven days a week, Changjo had a fantastic body, his hormones had to handle it somehow.  It was the fact that he couldn’t get over it that bothered him.  Now that his libido had been turned on, it couldn’t be turned off.  He dreamt about Changjo almost every night, now.  Okay, so he was horny, but wasn’t this a bit much?

            He’d considered, over and over again, the possibility that if he actually had sex with Changjo, he might feel better.  But that would mean opening himself up for embarrassment and rejection and humiliation and all kinds of horrible things.  Given the choice between obsessive sex dreams and unbalancing Teen Top, he’d rather just wake up hard every morning.

            Yes, yes, yes.  Moaning, L.Joe licked Changjo’s nipple, sucked it, sucked it hard.  Stretched out beneath him on the bed, Changjo groaned.  Hearing Changjo’s low sounds of pleasure turned him on, and he licked downward, kissing a hungry path down Changjo’s gorgeous body, sliding his hands over those firm, muscular thighs.

            Changjo was naked now, and his erection stood up tall and arrogant.  The sight of it, so handsome and so hard, made L.Joe’s mouth water.  His hand was in L.Joe’s hair, tugging, pushing, guiding, and L.Joe moaned, obeying, hot with lust, aching with need, eager to get Changjo off.

            Licking the long, hard shaft, L.Joe whimpered with pleasure, his own cock swollen with need.  When he mouthed the plump roundness of Changjo’s pink balls, Changjo moaned, “Hyung, yes, uuhhh, harder,” and he sucked, feeling an answering throbbing in his own erection.  He wanted to keep his face buried there between Changjo’s thighs, but Changjo’s hand was pulling him upward.  The shiny redness of Changjo’s cockhead looked ripe for his mouth, and he moaned, “Yes, yes, maknae, I want it,” as Changjo guided it between his lips.  Groaning with happiness, he sucked it into his mouth, closing his eyes in bliss as the ring of his lips slid down the shaft.

            He sucked Changjo’s cock forever, it seemed.  His head bobbing, he loved the hardness of Changjo’s erection, loved the long, satiny ride up and down the shaft, loved letting his tongue play over the slick head.  He felt like he couldn’t get enough, and the harder he sucked, the more he wanted it.  His own cock was ferociously hard, and he was so desperate for relief that he became more aggressive in sucking Changjo’s cock, feeling like maybe if he got Changjo off he’d finally be able to come.

            Then Changjo was kissing him, rolling on top of him, kneeing his thighs apart.  Groaning, “Yes, yes, maknae.  Now, now, fuck me, give it to me, I want it,” he ran his hands through Changjo’s hair, down Changjo’s back, gripping Changjo’s ass and trying to drag Changjo closer between his legs.  He felt Changjo’s cock against him, the blunt head nudging him open-

            “L.Joe!  L.Joe!  Ya!  Lee Byunghun!”

            With a snort, L.Joe woke up, eyes blinking open.  Pushing himself up on his elbows, he sat up halfway, staring around the room.  Squinting, orienting himself, he recognized their hotel room, recognized Chunji in the other bed.  Chunji was giving him an incredulous look, and he yanked the covers over his hard-on, embarrassed, self-conscious.  “What?”  Scrubbing his hand over his face, he shook his hair out of his eyes.  Chunji just kept staring at him with that amused, disbelieving look.  “What?!”

            Laughing, Chunji glanced down at his lap and then back up to his face.  “What are you doing over there?”

            “Sleeping!”  Bringing his knees up, he bunched the covers more protectively around his hard-on.  “Why did you wake me up?”

            Chunji pressed his hand over his chest and moaned.  “‘Oh, maknae, oh, do me, yes, fuck me, maknae, maknae, oh!’”

            Horrified, L.Joe hurled his pillow at Chunji.  “Stop!  Don’t!”

            “You’re so noisy!  Moaning and begging!  Aren’t you embarrassed?”

            “I didn’t!  I’m not!  I don’t!”  Oh, god!  The members had always said that he talked in his sleep, but he hadn’t thought that it was anything like that!  “I was sleeping, it doesn’t mean anything!”

            “It means that you want Changjo to fuck you,” Chunji said, staring at him in fascination.  “Are you and the maknae doing it?”

            “No!  It’s not like that!”  The last thing he needed was for Chunji to mention this to Changjo!  “They’re just dreams.  It’s nothing!”

            “Dreams?  This happened before?  You dream like this often?”

            Oh, shit.  Sinking against the pillows, L.Joe curled up on his side, rubbing his hands over his face.  “Sometimes,” he mumbled, and then it all came out.  Embarrassing as it was, it was a relief to tell someone.  Chunji laughed at him, but Chunji also listened, and he was glad to be able to confide in one of the members.  Maybe Chunji would have some answers; maybe he could finally stop having desperate, needy sex with Changjo every time he closed his eyes.

            Sitting beside him in his bed, Chunji said, “He must know about it already.  You sleep in the same room every night.  He has to have heard you before.”

            Uneasy, L.Joe tried to pretend that was impossible.  “I don’t talk in my sleep that much.  Maybe I haven’t said anything.  Maybe he hasn’t heard it.  Maybe I didn’t say his name.  Maybe he thinks I mean Ricky.”

            “How long have you been dreaming about him?”

            Um.  L.Joe brushed his hair out of his eyes.  Gave Chunji an embarrassed, wincing look.  Licked his lips and looked away.  “Months.”

            “Months?”  Chunji was laughing.  “He knows!  He knows everything!”

            “He hasn’t said anything!”

            “You sure have!”

            While Chunji chortled gleefully, L.Joe thought about punching him.

            L.Joe watched Changjo closely, but nothing seemed different.  Changjo was just the same as always, silly and private and playfully aggressive and self-assured.  And handsome, and sexy, and gorgeous, and, god, the way he smiled when he thought that he was getting away with something sneaky made L.Joe want to kiss his happy mouth.

            It seemed like Changjo wasn’t any different from before.  Didn’t treat him any differently.  Didn’t avoid him, didn’t seem disgusted; didn’t flirt with him, didn’t seem to hint or hold anything over his head.  All of this time, L.Joe had been preoccupied with his own behavior, worried about giving himself away, not wanting to seem too obvious, trying desperately to pretend that his attraction to Changjo was just some hormonal dream thing and not genuine desire.  He hadn’t paid as much attention to Changjo’s behavior, because Changjo was always so normal.

            Maybe Changjo really didn’t know.  Maybe Changjo had heard but not understood.

            The next morning, Chunji told him that he’d been talking in his sleep again.  Calling out for Changjo again, begging Changjo to suck his cock.  “The night before last, you said ‘maknae’ and ‘Changjo.’  Last night, you said ‘maknae’ and ‘Jonghyun.’  He has to know you mean him.”

            Wincing, L.Joe tried to deny it.  “Maybe he thinks that I mean a different maknae.”

            “Like Ricky?”

            “And a different Jonghyun.”

            “Okay,” Chunji said doubtfully.

            “And,” he knew that it wasn’t going to work even as he said it, “a different…Changjo?”

            Chunji snorted.  “Are you begging Shinhwa sunbaenim’s fans to get you off?”

            Groaning, L.Joe draped himself across his bed and felt doomed.  “I’m going to tape my mouth shut.”


            L.Joe couldn’t figure out if Changjo knew or not.  The person Changjo was acting weird around, all of a sudden, was Chunji.  L.Joe couldn’t figure that out and decided that it had to be unrelated.

            He wished that he could catch Changjo hearing or not hearing him talk in his sleep, but since he had to be asleep for that to work, it was an impossible idea.  Or so he thought, until he mentioned it to Chunji, who told him to videotape himself.

            Having video proof of himself begging Changjo to fuck him seemed like an incredibly bad idea, but he and Chunji agreed to delete the video immediately and then destroy the memory card just to be safe.  Their first night back in Seoul, while Changjo showered, they set up the video camera, tucking it between T-shirts and under one of L.Joe’s hats, pointed right at his bed.

            Changjo came back into the room in a towel while they were disagreeing over what L.Joe should do if Changjo knew.  L.Joe tried not to seem guilty, and then he tried to pretend not to care that Changjo was practically naked in front of him, since Changjo was half-naked and entirely naked in front of him all of the time, but the muscular maturity of Changjo’s body was irresistible and Chunji was shooting him knowing looks and he blushed, biting at his lip, looking away, pretending to find the wall really interesting.

            “What’s going on?” Changjo asked.

            “Nothing,” Chunji said carelessly, pinching L.Joe’s thigh.

            Hey!  L.Joe pinched him back.  He laughed and pushed at L.Joe’s hand.

            “What are you doing in here?” Changjo asked.  “Don’t you have your own room?”

            Chunji gave Changjo an “excuse me” look and gave L.Joe a “what’s his problem?” look.  “Do you have something to say to me?”

            Changjo got his stubborn look, the one that meant that it was going to be impossible to get anything out of him, the one that made L.Joe want to hug him and stroke the hard line of his jaw until he relaxed.  “No.”

            “Whatever’s bothering you, get over it,” Chunji advised.  “I’m not putting up with this tomorrow.”

            Changjo gave him a contemptuous look and didn’t say anything.

            Rolling his eyes, Chunji squeezed L.Joe’s thigh.  “See you in the morning.”

            “Good night,” L.Joe said.

            When Chunji was gone, Changjo dropped his towel.  Inhaling, L.Joe deliberately looked anywhere else - - the wall, the floor, the water bottle that had rolled into the corner.  “You like rooming with Chunji?”

            What?  “Sure,” L.Joe said, not looking, not looking, not looking, fuck, looking, fuck, he wanted to lick the lines of Changjo’s pelvis and cup Changjo’s soft cock in his hand and - - shuddering, he made himself look away again.

            “More than rooming with me?”

            What?  He felt like he was too distracted to make sense of this conversation.  Distracted by Changjo’s flexible, muscular body.  He wished that Changjo would crawl on top of him, wished that Changjo would kiss him, wished that he could get up and walk over and kneel down in front of Changjo and turn Changjo on, get Changjo off.  Rubbing his hand over his mouth, he said, “More?  No, I don’t like it more.”


            What was this about?  “Why, you don’t like rooming with Ricky?”

            “He’s okay.”  Changjo was finally pulling on his underwear.  “He’s too bossy.”

            L.Joe laughed.  “I’m not bossy?”

            “It’s different.”  Changjo pushed the door shut and put his hand on the light switch.  “Going to bed?”

            “Yeah.”  L.Joe pulled the duvet up over himself while Changjo turned off the lights.  He played with his phone for a while; he was eager to get to sleep, but thinking about the video camera had him too keyed up.  Eventually, he set his phone aside and settled in, closing his eyes.

            He might end up with the most boring home movie in the world: two guys asleep in the dark.

            L.Joe wakened with a savagely aching erection.  While Niel said annoying things about how they had to wake up and get ready, and how much trouble they’d be in if they were late, he rolled onto his stomach, biting back a whimper as his hips drove crudely against the mattress.  Fuck, he needed to get off.

            Sitting up in the other bed, Changjo was rubbing his eyes.  “Ugh.”  Climbing out of bed, he stroked his hand over his chest.  “Awake?”

            L.Joe tore his gaze from Changjo’s pecs, grimacing and burying his face in his pillow.  “Go have breakfast.”

            As soon as Changjo was out of the room, L.Joe shoved his hand down the front of his shorts.  Coming with a few rough strokes, he groaned, pleasure flooding him.  Grateful for the sense of relief, he closed his eyes and sighed.  If this went on any longer, it wouldn’t matter if anyone heard him talk in his sleep or not; he’d end up giving himself away by staring at the maknae and jerking off while he was awake.

            Wiping his hand on his sheet, he got up.  He was checking the camera when Chunji came in with a conspiratorial look and asked, “Does he know?”

            “I don’t know.”  Sitting on his bed, he started the video while Chunji sat beside him.

            The recording was boring at first - - okay, naked Changjo dropping the towel wasn’t boring, but it wasn’t new - - so L.Joe fast-forwarded.  The screen showed his bed and Changjo’s.  There was no movement, aside from one of them occasionally rolling over.  Periodically, he stopped the video to listen, but all he got was silence.

            Then he heard his own voice.  Faint, slurred: “Yeah, come on.  Yeah, like that.  Off, off, take it off.”

            Hot with embarrassment, he fast-forwarded some more.  Suddenly, there was movement.

            “What’s he doing?” Chunji asked.

            “I don’t know.”  Nervous, curious, L.Joe rewound the video and pushed “play.”  The camera’s viewing screen wasn’t that big, but he definitely recognized Changjo getting out of bed.

            Getting out of bed and walking over to his bed.

            Crouching down beside his bed.

            “Suck it, maknae, suck it,” he mumbled onscreen.

            Crossing his arms on the edge of the bed, Changjo leaned toward him and whispered, “Hyung.  L.Joe hyung.”

            “Mmm…  Oh…  Your mouth,” he moaned.

            “Whose mouth?” Changjo whispered, attentively gazing at his face.

            “Yours, oh, maknae, Changjo, yours, your mouth.  S-s-s-suck it, yes, like that, ah!”

            “Oh my god,” Chunji whispered.

            Horrified, fascinated, L.Joe couldn’t look away.

            “Do you like it?” Changjo whispered.  “Do you want me to suck your cock?”

            “Yes,” he mumbled onscreen.  “Want you to suck it.  Want to come in your mouth.”

            “Sneaky little pervert,” Chunji said, like he approved.

            He’d worried that Changjo might know.  He’d been afraid of what would happen if Changjo found out.  He’d been scared of screwing up Teen Top’s dynamic, afraid of messing up his friendship with Changjo, afraid of so many things.  And Changjo had known all along.  Changjo had been messing with him!  What was this, was Changjo secretly taunting him?

            “L.Joe hyung,” Changjo whispered.

            “Mmm.  Maknae,” he moaned in his sleep.

            “Can I fuck you?”

            He made an embarrassingly joyful, lusty sound.  “Yeah.  Yeah, fuck me.”

            When L.Joe tried to turn the camera off, Chunji grabbed it from his hand.  “Shut up, this is getting good.”

            “Don’t,” L.Joe begged Chunji, while onscreen, Changjo slid his hand across his own bare chest and whispered, “Do you want to ride my cock?”

            Asleep, L.Joe mumbled, “Yes, yes.  Give it to me.”

            “I want to fuck you so deep,” Changjo whispered.  “I want to fuck your sexy ass so hard.  I want to make you come so hard you never look at Chunji hyung again.”

            “Ya,” Chunji protested.

            “Do you want it?  Can I pound your hot ass?”

            “Our maknae,” Chunji objected.  “Why is he like this?”

            “It’s yours, it’s yours,” L.Joe moaned onscreen.  “Take my ass, fuck me, do it.”

            On the video, faintly, there came the sound of knocking, banging, voices.  Niel waking up the other members.  Like a flash, Changjo leapt into the other bed, landing just in time to feign sleep as Niel opened the door.

            “Sneaky brat!” Chunji said admiringly.

            Silently, L.Joe took the camera from him, turning it off.  Shit.  It was hard to know what to think.  Hard to understand what they’d just seen.

            Changjo knew.

            Changjo was…  Taunting him?  Toying with him?  Playing some weird little game?  L.Joe stared at Changjo’s empty bed, wondering.

            “I want to make you come so hard you never look at Chunji again.”

            Jealousy.  Changjo was jealous.

            Changjo wanted him.

            What?  Why?  Since when?

            How long had Changjo known?  Why not say anything?

            Well, shit.  He hadn’t said anything, either.  Not while he was awake, anyway.  He couldn’t blame Changjo for not making a move when he’d tried to keep it to himself for so long.

            “Does he do this every night?” Chunji asked.

            It sure hadn’t seemed like the first time.  “I don’t know.”  Changjo wanted him?  Changjo wanted him.  Changjo wanted him?  Changjo wanted him.  He was so excited and nervous, he wanted to laugh or punch somebody.  “I’ve never heard him talk like that.”

            “He’s horny,” Chunji decided.  “And he spends too much time around C.A.P. hyung.”

            Niel was in the doorway.  “Not dressed?  Not getting ready?  We can’t be late.”

            “We’re almost ready,” Chunji lied, waving Niel away.  Giving them a disapproving look, Niel left, and Chunji asked, “What are you going to do?  What are you going to say?”

            “I don’t know.”  He had no idea.  He was still trying to believe what he’d seen.  Changjo asking to fuck him.  Changjo wanting him.  He talked to Changjo every day, and he’d never known Changjo to lean over and whisper, “Can I pound your hot ass?”  He hadn’t even realized that Changjo thought his ass was hot in the first place.  “Oh, god, this is so weird.”  And amazing.  And terrific.  Changjo wanted him.  He’d wanted Changjo so badly, but the risk had seemed so great - - and now he knew that Changjo wanted him.

            He might actually be able to have Changjo.

            He was sitting there alone, staring at the floor, trying to absorb that information, when Changjo came back into the room.  “Hyung, what are you doing?  We have to leave.”

            “Yeah,” he said meaninglessly.  Raising his head, he stared at Changjo.  Calm, confident, adorable, sexy Changjo.

            With a puzzled smile, Changjo raised a hand, patting his hair.  “What?”

            “L.Joe!” C.A.P. shouted.  “Move your ass!”

            Swallowing, L.Joe got up.  “Nothing,” he said, and he got dressed.

            Their morning was busy, but L.Joe couldn’t keep a secret this big.  He had to talk to Changjo.  As they were getting in the van between schedules, he told Ricky to sit in the front beside their manager.

            “What?” Ricky asked.  “Why?  That’s Changjo’s spot.”

            “I have to talk to Changjo,” L.Joe said.  When Ricky started to protest, he shoved Ricky into the van.  “Just sit!”

            Changjo looked baffled.  “What’s this?”

            “You’re sitting in the back,” L.Joe said, and dragged him into the van.

            “Now?” Chunji asked.

            “Shut up.”  This wasn’t the ideal situation, in front of everyone, with C.A.P. on Changjo’s other side, but L.Joe would rather talk to Changjo at that moment in the van than explode and say something embarrassing in front of cameras or fans later.  Feeling really stupid and embarrassed, he put his hand on the back of Changjo’s neck.  Then he glared at Niel and Ricky, baring his teeth.  “Don’t watch.”

            “What is this?” Changjo asked while Ricky and Niel turned back around.

            “Shut up.”  He was too nervous for this.  Aware that C.A.P. and Chunji were staring with bemused expressions, aware that everyone was listening, he leaned in and whispered into Changjo’s ear.  “I like you.  I think that we should make out later.  If you want to.”

            Jerking away, Changjo stared at him.

            Feeling heat in his cheeks, L.Joe bit his lip, trying to look confident.

            Changjo’s gaze searched his face.  Questioning.  Probing.  Wondering.

            He tried to look calm and not at all guilty.

            “Kiss him!” Chunji shouted gleefully.

            “What?” Niel demanded, whirling around again.

            “Shut up!” L.Joe shouted.

            Changjo’s eyes widened and he stiffened.  Out of nowhere, he got his “I’m so hurt I can’t handle it” expression, the one where his face closed up and shut down, and pulled away.

            “No, maknae.”  Shit, seeing Changjo like that always hurt, always brought an aching knot into L.Joe’s chest.  He didn’t know why Changjo looked like that now, but it was because of him, and that only doubled the ache.  “What, what’s wrong?  Where are you going?” he demanded as Changjo started to climb forward.  “Ya!  Stop!” he insisted, grabbing at Changjo’s pants.

            Ripping his hands away, Changjo climbed over Niel.  “I want my seat.”

            “What the hell?” Ricky demanded.

            “Kids!  Sit down,” C.A.P. ordered.

            “I am sitting!” Ricky protested.

            “Just give him his seat,” Niel said.

            “What’s wrong?  What did you say to him?” Chunji asked L.Joe.

            “Changjo!”  L.Joe grabbed his waistband, hauling him back.  “I’m not finished!”

            “I’m finished!” Changjo shouted, jerking away from him, not looking back.

            “Sit!” C.A.P. ordered.

            “This is about that thing, isn’t it?” Niel asked.  “I told you,” he told C.A.P.

            “Shut up,” C.A.P. warned him.

            “What?” L.Joe asked, looking between them.  “What thing?”

            “You’re doing it, aren’t you?” Niel asked.  “You’re messing around with each other.”

            “Niel!”  C.A.P. punched his shoulder.  “I told you not to talk about it.”

            “What?  Messing around?” L.Joe asked.  Why would Niel think that?  Why had Niel told C.A.P. that?

            Shooting L.Joe a hasty look, as if to see how he’d taken that, Changjo sat down on Chunji.  “We’re not.”

            “You are!” Niel said.  “Every time I come in to wake you up, you’re scrambling back into bed and he’s all weird and red and turned on.”

            Ricky gasped and slapped Changjo’s thigh.  “What have you been doing?!”

            “Nothing!” Changjo exclaimed, blushing.

            “I told you that you were going to get caught!”

            “Get caught doing what?” Chunji asked.

            “He wants L.Joe hyung,” Ricky said.  “He has dirty fantasies about fucking L.Joe hyung in the practice room.”

            “It’s the mirrors, isn’t it?” C.A.P. asked.

            “Can we stop the van?  I have to get out,” Changjo said, reaching for the door handle.

            “Stop it!  We’re still moving!” Chunji protested, grabbing him back.

            “You told Ricky?” L.Joe asked.  He couldn’t believe this.  It was the best news.  It meant that it was real, that Changjo really did want him.  Wanted him enough to talk to other people about it.

            Blushing, Changjo looked down at his hands, then at the windshield.

            “Ugh, he’s wanted you forever,” Ricky said.  “I’m tired of hearing about it.”

            “I want to hear about it,” Chunji said cheerfully.  “How long have you wanted him?”

            Crossing his arms over his chest, Changjo pressed his lips together.

            “You’re not screwing?” Niel asked.  “Then what are you doing in the morning?”

            While Changjo’s cheeks burned, L.Joe’s heart hurt.  “Nothing,” L.Joe said.  “Just messing around.  It was a misunderstanding.”  He wasn’t going to talk about it with anyone else until he’d talked with Changjo, and Changjo looked embarrassed and pained.  He didn’t know where he’d gone wrong, didn’t know why Changjo was upset, but he had to fix it before the other members made any more jokes.  “Ricky, come and sit back here.  Chunji can’t hold Changjo on his lap all day.”

            “Bet you could,” Chunji said with a wink.

            Changjo’s mood didn’t get any better, and L.Joe managed to corner him in the dressing room while the other members were eating and napping.  “Hey.”  He put his hand on Changjo’s arm; Changjo pulled away hard enough to bump into the wall.  “Hey,” he said more firmly.  “Suddenly you hate me?  I meant what I said.”

            Pressing his lips together, Changjo scowled at the floor.  “You know?  You know what I’ve been doing?”  He met L.Joe’s gaze with sudden hostility.  “How long have you known?  Why did you tell Chunji hyung?  Were you awake, doing it on purpose?”

            “What?  No!”  That was why he was upset?  “I didn’t know, I had no idea!  I just found out this morning!”  Hey, wait a second.  “You knew about me all of this time!  You knew that I was talking in my sleep, you heard everything I said!  Shouldn’t I be angry at you?”

            With a guilty expression, Changjo lowered his eyes.

            Sighing, L.Joe rubbed the side of Changjo’s neck.  “I’m not mad.  But don’t you be mad at me, either.  I didn’t know you heard anything.  I didn’t even know that I was saying anything!  I didn’t know anything until Chunji told me I was talking in my sleep.  Talking about you,” he admitted, blushing, dropping his hand.

            Changjo met his gaze, eyes widening.  “Chunji hyung heard you say that kind of stuff about me?”


            Clapping his hand over his mouth, Changjo stifled embarrassed laughter.

            Relieved to see him smile, L.Joe pushed him, sharing his embarrassment.  “It’s not funny!”

            “You said that!  About me?  In front of Chunji hyung!”  Changjo was laughing openly now.

            L.Joe was mortified but found Changjo’s laughter so cute that he laughed, too.  “Shut up!  I probably wouldn’t even say that stuff if you didn’t keep encouraging me!”

            “You started it!  You said it first!  I just…”  Changjo blushed, smiling.  “I wanted to know what else you would say, so I asked you some questions.”  Looking embarrassed, still, but kind of privately delighted, too, he crossed his arms over his chest.

            Licking his lips, L.Joe held Changjo’s gaze.  “The stuff you said.  Do you really want to?”

            Changjo’s eyes widened like he couldn’t quite believe that L.Joe had asked him that, and then he laughed, and then he pressed his lips together like he had to hold it in, happiness dancing in his eyes.  He nodded, the corners of his lips turning upward.  “You…  Do you?”

            “Yeah.”  Feeling sort of flustered and giddy himself, L.Joe looked away, feeling shy, then glanced up, meeting Changjo’s eyes again.  Changjo still looked like someone barely containing the world’s best secret.  Laughing, L.Joe pushed him.

            “What?” Changjo asked, joining in his laughter.

            “You two aren’t going to do anything stupid in public, are you?” Niel asked.

            “No!  Of course not.”

            “I’m not a fool,” Changjo said, smoothing his sideburns.  “I didn’t do anything yesterday, why would I do it today?”

            That was true, but it was different now.  Before, L.Joe had only had to keep one kind of secret: his attraction to Changjo.  The fact that he and Changjo wanted each other, that it was mutual, that they fully intended to act on it as soon as they had a moment alone, was an entirely different kind of secret.  It bubbled up with joyful energy every time their eyes met.  All through the rest of the day, Changjo blushed and laughed and smiled happy, private smiles, and it made L.Joe happy, too, made L.Joe cheerful and embarrassed and delighted, made L.Joe want to hug him, to kiss him, to pull him into the nearest corner and bask in their mutual good cheer.

            The practice room was the first place they were semi-alone, finally away from cameras and people and their manager.  As they danced, their eyes met in the mirror, over and over again, and they grinned at each other foolishly, winking and laughing.  L.Joe had spent weeks - - months - - trying not to be obvious, trying not to stare, trying not to get caught watching Changjo.  Now he could look as much as he wanted.  Changjo knew, the other members knew; it was okay if he stared.  And Changjo kept staring right back, watching him.  He’d never seen Changjo eye him like this, like he was sexy, like something might happen between them, like Changjo wanted to do things to him.  It turned him on, made him hot with awareness of his own sexuality, made him want to turn Changjo on and see what would happen.

            “Ya!”  Niel threw his hands up.  “Are we here to dance or flirt?”

            “Flirt,” Chunji said, wiping sweat from his face with one hand.  “You look good today, Ahn Daniel.  What are you doing later?”

            “I…  What?” Niel asked, laughing and backing away.

            “You’re dancing well,” Ricky murmured, squeezing Niel’s butt.  “Watching you move, I like it.”

            Yelping, Niel smacked Ricky’s hand away.  “That’s not flirting!  That’s groping!”

            “I don’t get groped enough,” C.A.P. mused.  “I could use more of that.”

            Grinning, Chunji winked at him, crooking a finger.

            “Are we finished?” Changjo asked.  “Going back to the dorm?”

            “In a hurry?” Ricky asked.  “Have something to do?”

            Changjo’s delighted, secretive smile was back.  “No,” he lied, casting a quick, happy glance at L.Joe.

            Blushing, L.Joe tossed his head to get his hair out of his face, putting his hands in his pockets.

            Alone with Changjo in their room, standing beside his bed, L.Joe rubbed his hands on his pants.  Changjo’s wondering, happy, expectant gaze searched his face.  He was already turned on - - it was finally going to happen, god, Changjo.  He’d deliberately kept himself from touching Changjo the way he wanted to for so long that he was eager to get started.

            Twisting up a handful of the front of Changjo’s shirt, he tugged Changjo closer, tilting his face up.  Obediently, Changjo leaned in, and as their lips brushed, Changjo’s eyes closed.

            Their kiss was soft at first, tentative.  Changjo’s sweet, pliable lips parted on a gasp at the sweep of L.Joe’s tongue, and pleasure made L.Joe moan as their kiss deepened.  It was what he’d wanted so badly for so long, what he’d kept himself away from: he was kissing Changjo.

            This wasn’t fantasy anymore, wasn’t a wish, a desire, a dream.  It was real, it was happening, Changjo was kissing him back.  Suddenly more sure about this, he slid his hand to the back of Changjo’s neck, up into Changjo’s hair, sucking at Changjo’s soft, full lower lip.  His other hand tugged at the hem of Changjo’s shirt, pulling it upward.  He wanted to see, wanted to touch.

            Like he was glad to get it out of the way, Changjo pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside.  With a broad grin, he kissed L.Joe again, cupping L.Joe’s hips and pulling L.Joe against him.  L.Joe felt a spike of heat as their bodies met and the swelling bulges of their hard-ons bumped against each other.  With a moan, Changjo tightened his grip on L.Joe’s hips, his kiss hungry, determined.  Moaning right back, grinding against him, L.Joe couldn’t believe how good he felt, how sexy he sounded, how well this was going.  His chest was firm under L.Joe’s hands, his skin soft, and when L.Joe’s thumb teased his nipple, he made a stuttering, helpless, groaning sound.

            Enjoying every single thing that was happening between them, L.Joe smiled against Changjo’s mouth.  “Changjo-ah.”  Everything was so good - - the way Changjo kissed him, the way he felt, the aching hardness of his cock, the hungry little grunting sounds Changjo was making, the pounding soaring feeling of his heart, everything.  “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

            “Yes,” Changjo said breathlessly.  “Me, too, I need it.”  Shoving his pants and underwear down, he sat on the bed, naked, impatiently tugging at L.Joe.  “Here, hyung, come on.”

            Laughing, enjoying Changjo’s enthusiasm, L.Joe shed his shirts and kicked off his pants.  Crawling over Changjo’s gorgeous body, he kissed Changjo’s chest as he pulled his underwear down and kicked it away.  Changjo’s hands slid over his ass, cupping, squeezing, and he laughed, moaning, squirming a little.  He loved it, loved Changjo’s aggressiveness, loved being felt up, and he pushed Changjo down, grinning down into Changjo’s flushed, dazed smile.  “Having fun?”

            Sounding breathless, Changjo said, “Yes, yes,” and squeezed L.Joe’s ass again, looking happy and flustered and more turned on than L.Joe had ever seen him.

            Chuckling, he licked Changjo’s tight little nipple again, loving the way Changjo moaned, a soft but desperate “Uuhhh-hh-aaa” that came with a delicious shiver.  “Me, too.”  He trailed his fingertips down Changjo’s firm, muscular torso, drawing circles and spirals across Changjo’s sharply chiseled abs.  Fuck, Changjo was handsome.  “Do you know how much I love your body?”

            “You kept saying that, but I didn’t know how much you meant it.”  Changjo rolled them both over, dumping him on his back and crawling on top of him.  “Let me show you how much I like yours.”

            Smiling, chuckling, he stroked Changjo’s long, satiny back.  “Kiss me again.  I like the way you kiss.”

            With a soft, “Yes, ooohhhh,” Changjo kissed him.  Moaning happily into the insistent, passionate kiss, he caressed Changjo’s back, his fingers drifting down to grip Changjo’s ass.  Writhing, making hot, choked sounds, Changjo kissed him harder, tongue stroking into his mouth, fingers buried in his hair.  Incredibly turned on, restless, he rocked against Changjo’s hard-on, grinding his own cock against it.  Fuck, it felt good, so good, flames flashing through him, the hardness of Changjo’s cock smooth as silk.

            Oh, yeah, L.Joe was ready.  He was already panting as Changjo rocked against him, holding on to Changjo, moaning.  The way Changjo thrust against his body felt so much like, too much like, sex.  Too close but not quite, like his tantalizing, frustrating dreams.  L.Joe was ready for the real thing.  “Now, maknae.  Come on.”

            Instead of reaching for the lube, Changjo looked at him.  The sudden shyness in Changjo’s expression puzzled him, and then Changjo gave him an adorable, hopeful smile.  “Will you.  Say it?  Say those things?”

            Say what?  Oh, god.  “Right now?”  Out loud?  While he was awake and knew that Changjo was listening?

            Changjo nodded, watching his face eagerly.

            Hell, it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to talking that way.  And Changjo’s expression was so hopeful, he couldn’t resist.  “Okay.”  He kissed Changjo’s neck, closing his eyes, and slid his hand down, curling his fingers around the silken hardness of Changjo’s cock.  While Changjo moaned urgently and gripped his thigh, flames flashed through him again, pleasure and need rolling through his blood.  Oohhh, “I want it,” he groaned, stroking Changjo’s erection.  He didn’t have to think about the words; he just said what he’d been saying in his drams every night.  Feeling Changjo’s cock thick and solid and so very real in his hand, he meant every word.  “Mmm, hard, you’re so hard.  I want it.”

            “You,” Changjo shuddered, “you want me.”

            “Yes, yes.”  The more he said, the easier it was to say the rest.  Knowing that Changjo wanted to hear it, turned on, eager for the raw sexual pleasure to come, he moaned, “Fuck me.  I want to feel your cock in me, fucking me.  Ahh, maknae.”  He rubbed his thumb around the crown of the head, pre-cum slick against his skin as Changjo groaned.  “I need it, fuck me, fuck me with your rock-hard dick.”

            “Aauuuhh, oh, yes,” Changjo moaned.  “Ohh, yes, I want to give it to you.”  As Changjo took his mouth in a hungry, sucking kiss, he stroked Changjo’s cock, addicted to the silken slide of it in his hand, and he heard the rattle of the nightstand drawer.

            Changjo was getting the lube.

            His temperature spiking, L.Joe groaned, raising his knees.  “Yes, yes, yes.”  He felt Changjo’s hand between his thighs, felt the slippery stroke of Changjo’s fingers against his skin, felt, “Ah, auuuhhh, yes,” he groaned, his head falling back as pleasure sang through him.  “Fuck, yes, yes.”

            “God,” Changjo mumbled.  “Ah, hyung.”  His fingers felt long and smooth, and L.Joe moaned, arching, shuddering.  This amazing feeling, this teasing penetration, this pulsing pleasure, was only the beginning, but it made L.Joe buck and writhe, searching for more. 

            “Yes, oh, ah, yes,” L.Joe moaned.  Biting his lip, he wrapped his hand around the throbbing ache of his own cock.  The way Changjo’s fingers were stroking and probing and stretching him, opening him up, had pleasure burning and sizzling through him, tension and excitement mounting in his body, need pumping and building between his thighs.  “Fuck me, maknae, now, I need it.”

            “God, why do you sound so good?”  He heard the faint tear of a condom packet, heard Changjo’s soft curse.  And then he felt the slick, blunt head of Changjo’s erection pressing against him.  Into him.  With a snap of the hips, Changjo plunged into him, and fire crackled in his veins as a wild, glad cry rose from his throat.

            “Inside you,” Changjo panted, sounding amazed, his body naturally finding a steady rhythm.  “Can’t believe…  I’m inside you.”

            Oh god, oh god, “Yes, ah, finally, fuck, yes.”  Wrapping his legs around Changjo’s waist, L.Joe let the pleasure blaze through him from the pumping of Changjo’s hips.  The solid feel of Changjo’s body rubbing against his, Changjo’s hot breath against his ear, Changjo’s mouth against his neck, Changjo’s fucking cock in his ass, everything was so much more real than his dreams had ever been, and so very much better.  “Oh, yes, give it to me, Changjo, ah.”

            “Ahh, unh, hyung.  You like the way I’m fucking you?”  Changjo’s familiar voice was full of sex and lust, right in his ear.

            “Yes, yes, so good, oh, ah.”  He wasn’t embarrassed, he wasn’t self-conscious; he was vibrating with need, high on ecstasy, moaning like a wild man.

            “Over, over, roll over,” Changjo said, his voice raw, his breath in eager gasps.

            Scrambling onto his hands and knees, L.Joe arched his back, pointing his ass at Changjo, ready for more.  “Fuck me, do it.”

            “Ooh, god, L.Joe hyung, I’m going to fuck you so hard.”  Gripping his ass, Changjo spread his cheeks, holding him open.  Restless, feeling so fucking needy, L.Joe was about to rush Changjo along when he felt that slick cockhead pressing against him, and he gasped as it slid in deep.

            Changjo hadn’t just been making small talk about wanting to fuck him hard and pound his ass; Changjo had meant it.  It was so, so good, it was exactly what L.Joe had been begging for every night.  “Maknae, maknae, yes,” he moaned, his body jerking and rocking with every hard, driving thrust.  His hands and knees slipped on the sheet beneath him as Changjo’s vigorous fucking rode him up the bed.  “Fuck me like this, like this, oh yeah, yeah.”

            “You feel amazing. It’s so, ooh, you’re so fucking, oh god.”

            He was glad that it sounded like Changjo was enjoying it, because he was having the time of his life.  Each deep, penetrating thrust felt more incredible than the last.  The steady, fucking rhythm sent spasms of ecstasy rocketing through him.  It was so fast and so wild that he felt like he was on a rollercoaster that only went up and up and up.  “Please, maknae.”  He didn’t even know what he was begging for.  “Oh, god, please.”

            “Yes, yes, uuhhh.”  Changjo’s hand was on his back, rubbing his skin, stroking between his shoulder blades.  On his thigh, rubbing, squeezing.  “Aauhhh, hyung, it’s so good, so good.  Just let me, please, I need to, I need you, uh, uh, fuck…”

            The fever in his blood ran so hot he couldn’t catch his breath.  The force of Changjo’s deep, hammering thrusts was rocking him, making the world shake.  Blissful sparks of erotic pleasure burned through him, crackling and searing, and when he touched his erection, it was like tossing a lit match into a shed full of dynamite.  His hand stroked fast and Changjo thrust and he came, the pure and inevitable burst of pleasure taking over and exploding everywhere, from the pulsing of his cock to the curling of his toes, from the top of his head to the tips of his fingers.  Moaning, “Yes, yes, Changjo, yes, that’s it, that’s it, you’re making me come, yes, oh, ooh, ahhh,” he came and came and came, his cum jetting in long, sticky spurts.

            “Oh, ooohh, unh, hyung,” Changjo moaned, thrusting into him faster suddenly, then losing the rhythm, hips stuttering.  “Ah, ah, hyung, I can’t take it, I’m coming, I, I, I, ahh!”  As L.Joe collapsed on the bed, too weak and drained and pleasure-saturated to hold himself up anymore, Changjo fell with him, squeezing his hip and panting and moaning like a happy animal.  Groaning, he closed his eyes and caught his breath.  God, he couldn’t believe he’d come so hard.  He couldn’t believe that Changjo had fucked him that hard.  He’d wanted Changjo, and he’d suspected that the sex might be really good between them, but damn.  The sex in his dreams had been great, but the real thing was freaking fantastic.  Smiling at the world, he pillowed his head on his arms and sighed with happiness.

            He really should have confessed to Changjo weeks ago.  How had he almost missed out on this?

            Behind him, Changjo started to move as if to get up.  Not wanting Changjo to go anywhere, not ready to break the moment yet, he reached back, grabbing Changjo’s thigh and grunting a displeased warning.  There was a pause, and then Changjo settled in, blanketing his back and nuzzling his nape.  Liking that very much, he patted Changjo’s thigh approvingly.

            “Was it good?”  There was a hint of smugness in Changjo’s voice; he already knew the answer.

            “Mmm.  Very good.”  L.Joe decided that this had to be what basking in pleasure was like.  His body was sated, Changjo was stroking his side and kissing his ear, and he was way too happy to move.  “Keep doing that.”

            Changjo chuckled and nuzzled his ear some more.

            Finding Changjo’s hand, L.Joe pulled Changjo’s arm around his shoulders, curling it with his own arm and resting his cheek on it.  Mmm, nice.  This was nice.  As Changjo kissed his earlobe, he sighed with contentment and kept smiling.

            He wondered what he would say in his sleep tonight.

            Nudging the door open, Ricky peered into the room.  Everything was dark and still.  Carefully, he crept toward the bed.

            “Mmm.”  L.Joe was asleep.

            Crouching down beside the bed, Ricky whispered, “L.Joe hyung.”


            Softly, he said, “You share all of your snacks with Ricky.  You’re always really nice to him.”

            “Snacks,” L.Joe mumbled.

            “You love Ricky.  He’s your favorite dongsaeng.”

            “Ya!”  Sitting up and leaning over L.Joe’s side, Changjo pushed at Ricky’s forehead.  “What are you doing?”

            “Ah!  Nothing!”  Ricky smacked Changjo’s hand away.  “Aren’t you asleep?”

            “Eh?  What?”  L.Joe blinked at them in sleepy confusion.

            “Ignore him,” Changjo said.  “I’m your favorite dongsaeng.”

            “Mmm.”  Rolling over, L.Joe wrapped his arm around Changjo’s waist, tucking himself snugly against Changjo’s bare chest.  “You definitely are.”

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Copyright November 30, 2013
by Matthew Haldeman-Time