The Aftermath

K-pop info and glossary 

Who’s who chart of idols

This story is part of a series.

I write about men having sex with other men.  You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction.  This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.

            Alone in Sunggyu’s room, Suho had been staring at the big, black bottle of lube on the nightstand.  He’d been remembering L.  Wondering about Sunggyu.  Imagining Sunggyu slowly, slowly teasing Sungyeol open.  Did Sungyeol just lie there and take it, or writhe all over the bed, panting and gasping?  He didn’t have to wonder about Dongwoo; he was sure that Dongwoo was all over the place, enthusiastic and happy, asking for it, masturbating and talking dirty.  He wanted to wonder if all of the things that L had told him about Sunggyu were true, but he knew that they were, and he didn’t know how to handle that.  If Sunggyu really was just that skilled, and just that discerning, and just that tender, and just that confident, and just that in control, and just that generous, and just that well-hung-

            He scolded himself.  Things like that didn’t matter!  But he licked his lips, fantasizing.  He still hadn’t put a hand on it, or seen it, but he’d felt it against him, and-

            D.O. walked in.

            Clearing his throat, Suho shifted on the bed, resisting the urge to adjust himself in his pants.  “Yes?”

            “L hyung told me to come in.”  D.O. sat beside him, looking around with wide, assessing eyes.  “So this is where all of the action happens.”

            “Not all of the - - it’s just a bedroom, it’s a place for sleeping and changing clothes.”  In Suho’s mind, it was a significant place, Sunggyu’s lair, but it was too embarrassing to admit that.  “L told you to come in here?”

            D.O. nodded and glanced at him.  “I think that Sunggyu hyung and Woohyun hyung are doing something in the kitchen.”

            “Oh.”  Sunggyu was having sex.  Right then.  At that moment.  In the dorm.  Only a few yards away from him.  Was it sex-sex, or a, a, a blowjob, or something else?  Suho licked his lips again, telling himself not to think about it but thinking about it anyway.  Maybe they were just talking, having a private conversation.  Maybe Woohyun wanted to talk about him, and tell Sunggyu that he was all wrong and they should kick him out.  Or maybe Woohyun was licking the big, puffy head of Sunggyu’s long, hard cock.

            Oh, god.  Achingly erect, Suho closed his eyes, breathing out, needing to calm himself down.  It didn’t work; he just kept thinking about how much he wanted to be Woohyun and how amazing it would feel to have Sunggyu’s hands on his naked body.  Lust burned him up, and the urgent throbbing of his needy cock made him whimper.  Ashamed, he pressed his lips together.  He had to get away, he had to go, but where was he going to go?  Which space in this dorm wasn’t already inhabited by cavorting, screwing guys?  He’d have to leave altogether, he’d have to go outside, and he didn’t want to do that, he didn’t want to run that far.  He’d have to stay and take it, he’d have to live with it.  With the reality that Sunggyu was having sex practically beside him.

            “They were just kissing when I left.”

            Then D.O. had seen them kiss.  Had it looked like when Sunggyu had kissed Dongwoo?  Suho had only seen a quick second of that before he’d realized that it was way too much for him, and then he’d focused on anything else in the room.  Was Sunggyu that pushy and presuming with Woohyun?  Probably, sometimes.  Sunggyu took the leader and hyung’s role seriously, and took easy, natural command of the members.  But he was more careful and generous and protective sometimes, and he was playful and foolish and fun sometimes, too, and according to L, he had sex in all of those moods.  Which mood was he in, now, and what was he doing to Woohyun?  “At the, by the sink?”  Suho winced guiltily; he couldn’t ask that, it wasn’t any of his business, he couldn’t believe that he’d just asked!

            “By the island, where all of the food is.  Sunggyu hyung pushed Woohyun hyung’s back against it.”

            Suho stared at the floor, unseeing.  He swallowed.

            “Sunggyu hyung kissed Woohyun hyung first.  I could tell that Woohyun hyung liked it.  I think he wanted it.”

            Of course he’d wanted it.  Who wouldn’t want it?  Suho didn’t waste time envying other people, partly because it was a foolish waste and partly because he recognized how terrific and unique his own life was, but if he envied anyone, it was Nam Woohyun.  Sunggyu’s right hand and best friend, who knew the feel and taste of every inch of Sunggyu’s body, who could kiss Sunggyu, hug Sunggyu, have Sunggyu between his thighs any time he wanted it.  Suho could only imagine living that way.

            “I wouldn’t have minded staying,” D.O. said.  “I like watching Woohyun hyung.  He’s very confident in himself when it comes to sex.  He’s comfortable with it.  L hyung smiled when they started kissing.  I think he likes watching them, too.”

            Suho breathed in, gaining some control over himself.  “He loves them.”  It could feel really special to love two people and be happy to see them finding joy and pleasure in each other.

            “It’s always good to see members being close.  Especially with the leader.  It’s a good reminder that everyone’s happy and things are stable.”

            D.O.’s calm, quiet words cut through Suho’s sexual haze like a knife.  Suddenly sobering, he knew that his own members had particular need of that kind of reassurance.  He stomped down hard on his sexual impulses and distractions, focusing on D.O.  “Do you need to see more of that kind of thing?”

            D.O. met his eyes.  “I see it when you play with the members, or when they tease you and you laugh.  It doesn’t have to be sexual for me.  But I can see why L hyung likes it.”

            He never let his own members see him be sexual with anyone, unless it was them in particular, behind closed doors.  They never had the opportunity to watch him with each other.  And that was very deliberate on his part.  But was he denying them reassurance that they needed?  There were too many jokes about leaders being like parents, but it could feel very stabilizing and give kids a sense of security to see their parents being close and affectionate.  His own members might benefit from that same sentiment.  But how could he do that?  Let them walk into the living room to see him making out with Xiumin on the sofa?  Embarrassed, his face hot, he knew he couldn’t do it.

            He and D.O. sat in Sunggyu’s room for a while.  Long enough for Suho’s libido to make a mockery of him, revving up and cooling off and revving up again, tormenting him.  Finally, Sunggyu wandered in.  Suho bounced right off of the bed, leaping up without even thinking about it first, his legs catapulting him to his feet.

            Sunggyu looked completely normal, like it was any ordinary day and he’d just woken up or gotten home or been in the next room casually texting friends.  He didn’t look any different from earlier; he wasn’t mussed or gloating.  “Dongsaengs all over my bed,” he said, and D.O. got up.  “L went to his room, if you want to go and talk to him.”

            He was speaking to Suho.  Uncertain, Suho felt thrown off-balance.  He’d expected to stay here and hang out with Sunggyu.  Did Sunggyu not want that?  Was he being selfish and neglecting L?  He hesitated, but he knew that Sunggyu was direct enough to be honest; Sunggyu wouldn’t play along just to be polite and spare his feelings.  “I could stay here, I wanted to talk to you.”

            “We’re not all staying,” Sunggyu said.  “If you’re going to see L, then you can stay.  If you’re staying, then you go.”  In both scenarios, Suho was the first “you” and D.O. was the second.

            D.O. glanced at Suho, then said, “I’ll go.”

            When he left, he closed the door.

            “Woohyun didn’t say anything weird?” Sunggyu asked.

            “No, he-  Just then, someone shouted.  It sounded like Baekhyun, and it sounded very enthusiastic.

            “Animals,” Sunggyu said.  He went over to his desk and turned on some music.  Then, rubbing his face and yawning, he sat on his bed.  “You can relax, hyung doesn’t have any weird intentions.”

            Suho had a lot of them.  Licking his lips, anxious about his sexual need, he crawled onto the bed.  He sat against the pillows, since that was usually where Sunggyu liked him.  “Can I ask you about something I shouldn’t ask you about?”

            “If you shouldn’t ask, then don’t ask,” Sunggyu said, and he immediately followed that up with, “Sure, ask me.”

            “Did you, what.”  Getting control over himself, Suho started again.  He didn’t feel any calmer, inside, but he made sure that he sounded composed.  “What did you just do with Woohyun?”

            “We made out, and he went down on me.  I needed more than that, so I fucked him.”  Sunggyu said it like it was all normal conversation, like he was saying, “First we recorded for ‘Music Bank,’ and then we had a fan meeting.”

            Suho was so turned on, his whole body felt tense and electric.  Squirming against the pillows, he wished that he’d worn looser pants.  Oh, god, he needed it.  Woohyun must’ve come so hard, so very hard.  He hoped that it had been good for Sunggyu, that it had delivered everything Sunggyu had wanted, that it had been satisfying.  He really wanted to ask if Sunggyu felt sated, but he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.  It was too much!  It was too far, too embarrassing, too open.

            But Sunggyu was his hyung, his close hyung, and he could say anything here.  That was Sunggyu’s role in his life, to be the person he could confide in and open up to.  “I hope.”  He felt ashamed and shy, and he couldn’t hold still; he kept shifting, squirming, rubbing his hand over his thigh to keep from grabbing himself.  “I hope you got what you needed.”

            “I did.”  Sunggyu frowned at him like he was being annoying.  “Until I walked in here and you started making me need other things.”

            Oh, god.  He was so turned on that it hurt, and as he lurched off of the bed, he whimpered, choking on his own lusting moans.  He stumbled, and Sunggyu’s arm caught him around the waist.  When Sunggyu dragged him back toward the bed, he moaned, trying to twist away.  “No, no.”

            “Hyung - - hold still!  Hyung doesn’t have weird intentions,” Sunggyu insisted, wrestling him onto his back.  “Why do things always end up so strange with you?”

            Dying of embarrassment, he covered his eyes with his hands so he couldn’t see Sunggyu right there, on top of him.  But he could still feel it, Sunggyu’s legs over his, Sunggyu’s right hand pinning his forearm to the bed, Sunggyu’s left hand on his waist, fingers curving over his hip.  He wanted to pull his shirt up, push his pants down, so that Sunggyu’s hand would be on his skin, right on his bare skin, naked against his body.  He was sure that it would scorch him, that he’d remember it forever.

            “You’re sensitive now, today’s been too much for you,” Sunggyu said.  “You should see L, I’ll make him come in here, he can do the things that you need.”

            Pleasure poured all through Suho, and he had to bite back an excited moan.  Yes, yes, he needed L, that would be perfect, his L.  He had to fight the instinct to raise his knees; his body was begging for it.

            But running to L wasn’t the answer.  He remembered too clearly what Woohyun had just said to him.  He had needs, and Sunggyu had some, too, and if he kept running to L and letting everyone else take care of Sunggyu, what kind of relationship was this?  He felt like he’d go up in flames if Sunggyu so much as caressed him, if even one finger moved on him, but he had to stop running away.  “If you.”  Carefully, he lowered his hands, balling them into fists and then deliberately uncurling his fingers.  He couldn’t bring himself to touch Sunggyu yet, because he knew that once he did, he’d never stop, but he looked right into Sunggyu’s eyes.  Sunggyu was watching him so closely that he shuddered, and he had to take a moment to get himself back under control.  “If you want something, I’ll do it.  We can do it.”

            “Being a martyr?” Sunggyu asked.

            He shook his head.  “Whatever-  He waited until his voice stopped shaking.  “Whatever you want, I want it more.”

            Sunggyu kept watching him for a minute, then nodded.  “What I want?  I want you to go back to your spot and sit there and give me something nice to look at.  I want you to talk to me about things.”  Hands lifting, Sunggyu backed off of him, moving to the foot of the bed.

            Suho stayed there for a moment, panting a little, both relieved and devastated.  But he couldn’t stay there, abandoned and obvious with his erection poking up, drawing attention to how intense his desire was.  Biting his lip, he rolled over, and he crawled back to the pillows.  He sat there, but he couldn’t relax, and every time he looked at Sunggyu, he wanted to touch himself.  The memory of Sunggyu on top of him, hands on him, eyes tracking his every breath, was going to stay with him forever.

            A new song started, and Sunggyu asked, “You like sappy ballads, don’t you?”

            It seemed like such an abrupt question that he smiled.  “Yes.”

            “You like rock music?”

            “Ah, some of it.”

            Sunggyu quizzed him about what he liked and didn’t like.  At some of his answers, Sunggyu gave him comically disgusted frowns and made disappointed noises, but some of his answers earned him happy, approving smiles.  They talked about music for a while.  When Sunggyu showed him a notebook page full of lyrics, he was surprised, and he was touched that Sunggyu would trust him this much.  He read the page twice, fascinated.  The song was about missing someone, about yearning for one person and trying futilely to find solace in someone else, and he thought that some of the lines were really poignant.  After they’d talked the lyrics over for a while, and he’d poured praise all over Sunggyu, who pretended not to deserve it but ate it up anyway, he asked, “Is this about someone?  Were you thinking of someone special?”  He wondered if it had anything to do with that failed relationship with that other idol.

            Sunggyu made a face.  “Ugh, don’t tell.  I missed L.”  Suho’s surprise must have shown, because he explained, “He was in Japan, he was working, and we never saw him, and - - don’t laugh!”

            “I’m not!” he said, laughing behind his hand.  “All of this over L!”

            “I didn’t say that it was about him!  I wrote about a feeling, and maybe he inspired some feeling.  Don’t make so much of it!”

            “Writing beautiful love songs to your own members.”  It was so sweet and funny and charming, Suho loved it.

            Sunggyu’s jaw dropped.  “It’s not that!”

            It definitely was.  “What else have you written about, can I see?”

            Ya.”  Sunggyu snatched the book from his hands.  “The rest of them aren’t ready yet.  They need more work.”

            “I’d be glad to see them.”

            “Stop being nosy.”  Sunggyu set the book aside, then eyed Suho warily and deliberately tucked it under the mattress.  “I don’t need pushy dongsaengs pawing through my things.”

            “Who in this room is pushy?” Suho asked, laughing.

            Sunggyu glared at him, which only made him laugh harder.

            They were in there for so long that Sunggyu’s extensive playlist started over again.  Sunggyu went to get more food from the kitchen, and he thought that it was really sweet of Sunggyu to bring food to him instead of sending him to fetch it.  By the time they’d finished eating, the mood between them was so relaxed and comfortable, Suho felt like he could say or do anything.

            Flopping back against Sunggyu’s pillows, he scrunched his toes against the sheets.  “Hyung, are you straight?”

            “What do you mean, am I straight?”

            “I mean you like women, don’t you?”

            “Does everything need labels?”

            “I’m gay,” he offered.

            “I know you’re gay.  If you were as sensitive about women as you are about men, you’d have to live in a cave all alone.”  That struck him as so true and hilarious, he laughed, and Sunggyu said, “I’m bi.  It bothers you?”

            “Bothers me?” he repeated, surprised.  “No, I was just curious.”  Feeling at ease enough to share, he added, “I’ve been with women, before.  I thought that I was supposed to.  I wanted to, I tried to, but I couldn’t…”  His voice trailed off.  “I don’t know.  It wasn’t what I wanted.  And then I, well.  After I debuted, I understood that it would never be comparable, for me.”

            Sunggyu nodded.  “Some of my members feel that way.”

            Suho smiled.  “I wish that we could tell our fans.  Then we could all talk about cute guys together.”

            Mmm.  Who do your fans like you with the most?”

            “Oh, I don’t pay attention to things like that,” he said, blushing.  “You can’t take it seriously.”

            “I don’t know about that.  The Inspirits who like L with Sungyeol and Sungjong are already fighting with the Inspirits who like him with you and Changjo.”

            Dismayed, he said, “I don’t want that.”  He knew that he needed to do a better job of preventing problems like that, but he didn’t know how.  “Sometimes fans say things about me and Chen.”

            “Oh, that’s nice.”  Sunggyu nodded.  “I’d support that.  You’d be cute together.”

            “We wouldn’t be!”  He was blushing again.  “We’re not cute.  And we’re not together.”

            “Chen’s easy to like.  And really easy to fuck.  Are you going to have regrets when he gets a boyfriend?”

            Suho’s head was still ringing after that “easy to fuck” comment.  Licking his lips, turned on and envious, he shifted against the pillows.  “No.  I’ll be happy for him.  He deserves a good relationship.  I just want to be sure that he finds the right guy.  I’ll be upset if he’s with someone who doesn’t treat him well.”

            “Would you interfere?” Sunggyu asked.  “Try to break them up?”

            “No.”  He wished that were true.  “I might.  I’d have to talk to him about it.  I can’t let him go too far down the wrong road.  I don’t want to see him be used or hurt.  And maybe if he’s with someone I don’t like, he can explain to me what he does like, so I can see it, too.”

            “It’s hard,” Sunggyu said.  “It’s difficult to see your members get hurt like that.  You have to let them be adults and make their own decisions, but sometimes you have to step in.”  He looked tense, pressing his lips together.  “Sometimes you step in too late.”

            He had to be talking about L and C.A.P., or about Dongwoo and Chunji.  “It must be hard, seeing them fall in love and get their hopes up and give their hearts to people who won’t protect them.”

            Inhaling, Sunggyu nodded.  “I made mistakes that I can’t take back.  It’s bad.”

            “It’s not your fault,” Suho said, surprised.

            “No?”  Sunggyu didn’t seem convinced.  “I put my members in a situation they shouldn’t have been in.  It was okay to work with Teen Top, and it was good to be friends, but the rest of it shouldn’t have happened.  Everybody was too young and too foolish.  Too many hormones and not enough common sense.  It wasn’t a good situation.  Dongwoo got distracted by pretty, shiny things, and L needed someone who would be there for him, and it was all a mess.”

            Suho smiled.  Chunji is very pretty and shiny.”

            “It’s only smart to stay away from good-looking guys,” Sunggyu said.  “They’re bad news.”

            Suho ran his hand along his jaw.  “Should I leave, then?”

            Ya.”  Sunggyu scoffed.  “Who says that you’re so handsome?”

            Suho laughed at that, and Sunggyu chuckled, too.  When things were quiet again, he said, “You can’t blame yourself.  Like you said, everyone was young and excited.  They were under so much pressure, they clung to what felt good.  People are going to get their feelings hurt sometimes, they’re going to fall in love, and it’s usually not with the right person.  You can’t shield them from everything in life.”

            “I shouldn’t have let them become so involved.”

            “So then they can only spend time with their own members?”  Thinking of Xiumin, he couldn’t suppress a grimace.  “That’s not always the best way, either.  When things don’t work out with someone outside the group, it’s bad.  When things don’t work out inside a group, it’s worse.”

            “You know a lot about that,” Sunggyu said quietly.  His expression was patient and attentive, like he was giving Suho room to say or not say anything.

            Grateful for that, Suho nodded.  “We don’t talk about it much.  Sometimes it comes up, but mostly we don’t discuss it.  It’s affected all of the members differently, and they’re dealing with it in their own ways.”

            “How do you deal with it?”

            Sunggyu seemed so quiet and ready to hear him, he felt like he could open up as far as he wanted, and it would be okay.  It was such a relief, he felt physically unburdened.  “I try to be there for the fans.  I try to be strong for the members.”  He felt a spark of determination like an internal fire.  “I want everyone to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

            Sunggyu crawled up the bed, sitting closer to him.  That physical closeness created such a strong impression of comfort and empathy, he started talking.  He poured everything out, all of his stress.  His grief and his fury and his worry, his confusion, his questions, his mistakes.  None of it was new anymore, but he’d held it in for a long time, and finally letting go was cathartic.  There were members who wanted - - needed - - to reminisce over the old times, the good times, but there were other members who needed to shut the past away, so he always tried to go with their moods, at their paces.  Tonight, he could talk about what he needed to talk about, and Sunggyu listened to all of it, right beside him.

            When he vented his anger, Sunggyu nodded, and when he cracked a joke, Sunggyu smiled or laughed, and when the hurt welled up too intensely, Sunggyu rubbed his back.  Now that he was finally talking about it his way, on his terms, getting everything out, he was glad that he was telling it all to Sunggyu.  This was someone close but not involved, someone without a personal stake in it, someone not struggling with it, so he didn’t have to watch what he said.  But Sunggyu understood it all, understood what it was like to be an idol, to have a company to appease, to have fans to worry about, to be a leader and feel uniquely responsible.

            When he finally wound down, Sunggyu was still rubbing his back.  It felt so good that he let himself relax against Sunggyu’s side, his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder.  In the right mood, skinship with Sunggyu was so easy, so natural, it was irresistible.

            “You don’t cry?” Sunggyu asked.

            “Not over that.”  Not anymore.

            “It’s been hard on you.”

            He laughed.  “Yeah.”

            Sunggyu’s arm circled his waist, pulling him around.  They stretched out together on their sides, and when Sunggyu spooned up behind him, it felt so right that he relaxed into it, sinking back against Sunggyu’s chest.  “No weird intentions,” Sunggyu murmured, hand covering his stomach.

            “Too bad,” he said without thinking.  His own honesty caught him by surprise, and he burst into laughter.

            They talked about lighter things, frivolous topics.  It felt really cozy, to get comfortable in Sunggyu’s arms, to feel Sunggyu’s reassuring presence at his back, and the steady weight of Sunggyu’s hand on his stomach kept arousal humming through him, pleasant and warm.  But after a while, he missed looking at Sunggyu, and eventually he missed it so much that he rolled over.  Nose-to-nose, he smiled.  He’d never been this close, and he could see the individual lines of Sunggyu’s long, straight lashes.  He was breathing too fast, and Sunggyu’s full lower lip looked soft and enticing.  So pink.

            He couldn’t even have explained what he was reaching for, but Sunggyu caught his hand, lacing their fingers together.  Feeling subdued, he blinked, and for a second, he felt horribly embarrassed.  But Sunggyu just kept talking, continuing their conversation, and once he kick-started his brain into gear, the words made sense.  Breathing in, he forced himself to pretend that everything was normal.  And in a few minutes, it was.

            Aside from their hands, they weren’t touching anymore, not above the knee.  He missed the solidity and warmth of Sunggyu’s body, and he felt like he’d made a huge mistake, changing positions.  But being able to look right into Sunggyu’s eyes was its own heaven.  And Sunggyu’s face was so expressive, so flat and then so happy and then so suspicious and then so encouraging, that he felt pulled along in all of Sunggyu’s moods, until everything was funny and he couldn’t stop smiling.  Sunggyu’s foot rested on top of his calf, right above the ankle, and it was so intimate, it seemed unbearably sexy.  Part of him wanted to move, so that he could rub his leg against Sunggyu’s, but he stayed put, savoring the sensation of being anchored.

            He was really in love with this hyung.  It felt different from anything he’d felt before.  It wasn’t even like being in love with his members or his dongsaengs.  It wasn’t what he felt for Onew, either.  It was special, specific to Sunggyu, and so strong that he felt it pounding in his heart.  This close, with Sunggyu’s attention on him, everything seemed warm and bright and possible.  Excitement, happiness, and sexual desire were like fireworks, popping and sparkling around him, inside of him.  He was so glad to be there, he never wanted to be anywhere else.  He was flirting, and he knew it, and he should’ve been embarrassed because he was terrible at it, but he felt so good that he kept going.  He was comfortable with Sunggyu, and everything seemed right between them.

            “We should check on the kids,” Sunggyu said.  He didn’t seem to mean it; his tone was lazy, and he didn’t move a single muscle to get up.

            “No, it’s okay,” Suho said, too content where he was to think about going anywhere.  “Xiumin hyung and Dongwoo hyung are in charge.”

            They both thought about that for a moment.

            “Yeah, I’ll check on them,” Sunggyu said, sitting up.  “You stay.”  He climbed right over Suho to get off of the bed, which was definitely a thrill.

            Um.  “I have to use the bathroom.  Can you make sure that no one’s doing anything in there?”

            “Is washing okay?”

            “Not if it’s one of your members.”

            Sunggyu nodded and left the room.  Suho sat up and fixed his hair and deliberately didn’t think about what Sunggyu was walking in on.  He was in a very happy bubble, and he didn’t want to disturb his own equilibrium.  A moment later, Sunggyu poked his head in and said, “Bathroom’s clear.”

            When he went to use the bathroom, he found it empty.  Messy, with wet towels strewn everywhere and what looked like fresh cum on the wall, but empty.  Hearing voices, he went back to Sunggyu’s room, where the music covered other sounds.  Curious, he checked the time.  It was hours later than he’d realized it might be.

            Sunggyu came back in, closing the door.  “They’re all having fun.  L’s asleep and D.O.’s reading.”

            Suho hated to be the first one to say it.  “It’s late.  I think we should go.”

            Sunggyu put a hand on his shoulder.  It felt so good that he moved forward, toward Sunggyu, and Sunggyu’s hand slid to his neck, cupping his nape, and he hugged Sunggyu, feeling soft heat shudder through him, arousal and pleasure warming his blood.  The hand covering his nape squeezed gently, and he bit his lip, rubbing his forehead against Sunggyu’s shoulder.  The desire pulsing between his thighs felt really important, like everything else should be secondary to it, and he balled his fists in the back of Sunggyu’s shirt, fighting for self-control.

            “Sorry, sshhh, I’m sorry,” Sunggyu whispered.  “Hyung didn’t mean it, I shouldn’t have touched you.”

            God, he felt so good all over, he wanted to tip his face up and kiss Sunggyu for hours.  There were so many things that he wanted to say, things that he wanted to ask for, beg for, that his throat felt tight, clogged with unsaid words.

            “I’ll be more careful,” Sunggyu promised.  “You were okay before, and I wasn’t thinking.  I’ll let go now.”

            “Don’t.”  His grip tightened on Sunggyu’s shirt.

            “I want to talk to you.  And if it’s like this, you might say what I want to hear, not what you think is right.”  Reaching back, Sunggyu pried Suho’s hands off of him.  Embarrassed, Suho turned away, regaining control.

            When he turned around again, Sunggyu was seated patiently in the desk chair, hands folded.

            He wanted to climb on Sunggyu’s lap.

            He wanted to climb on Sunggyu’s cock.

            He walked away and stared at the door for a while.  He didn’t know why Sunggyu was so understanding and patient with him.  He was a complete mess and he couldn’t control himself and it wasn’t like Sunggyu was getting anything out of this.

            Someone - - Baekhyun - - ran past in the hallway, laughing and shouting.  “Get your sexy ass back here!” Sungyeol shouted.

            “Is he running away?” Dongwoo asked.

            “He’s hiding.”  It sounded like Sungyeol was right on the other side of the door.

            Ooohhh, hide and seek?” Dongwoo asked.  His chuckle was gleeful and suggestive.  “Hide well, pretty Baekhyun-ah!  You know what happens when hyung finds you!”

            Suho turned around, reached past Sunggyu, and cranked the speakers up.  Then he ran his hands through his hair and said, “We should go.”

            Sunggyu nodded.  “Do you have to?”

            “Well, you have schedules in the morning.”

            “Not too early.  If you want to, you can go, but if you want to stay, you can.  It’s up to you.”  Sunggyu said it naturally, his expression open, and he made it seem like it was completely Suho’s choice, like whichever way Suho decided would be okay.

            Sunggyu felt so dangerous to Suho’s peace of mind, the times when he made Suho feel safe were incredibly reassuring, and soothing, and strengthening.

            The EXO members would love to stay.  The Infinite members would like it, too.  Sunggyu seemed to want it.

            But that was all justification.  He was using his members’ happiness to rationalize his choices.  Selfishly, he wanted to stay.  For his own reasons.  For Sunggyu.  Because the idea of spending the night was too captivating to resist.  “We can stay.”

            “Good.”  Sunggyu was on his feet, nodding.  “Good, good.  I’ll go tell the kids.  And I’ll, um, if you’re staying here then there’s something that I need to do, but it won’t take too long.  I’ll be back.”  Sunggyu put out both hands, pressing him into place from afar.  “Don’t go anywhere.  Just stay put.”

            Suho waited.

            He sat in Sunggyu’s chair and waited.

            He checked his text messages.

            He studied the crap on Sunggyu’s desk, the meaningless notes and cast-off jewelry and crumpled money.  He read the label on Sunggyu’s lotion bottle and mentally compared it to his own.  The computer was on, and he clicked on a browser window.  The second after he touched the mouse button, he realized that he shouldn’t have done that, because Sunggyu might have something private open, might have been reading e-mail or watching porn, and he couldn’t just hop on a hyung’s computer without asking.

            And then the browser filled the screen with a Kim Sunggyu fansite.

            He burst into laughter.  Ah, idols were all the same!  He clicked around, admiring photos and reading comments.  He wondered if he could join the site.  He was already on most of Changjo’s and L’s.  It didn’t embarrass him; he was so busy with his own career that he had to miss their activities, so he liked to participate in the ways that he could, and the fansites let him see what his dongsaengs were up to, let him round out the stories that L and Changjo told him about their days.  He wished that he had more time to go to their stages and watch them perform and support their hard work.

            He was watching a fancam of a recent performance when Sunggyu walked back in.  “Ah, ya, don’t watch that,” Sunggyu fussed, pushing his hands away and closing the browser.  “Ugh!  Such a bad angle, I look awful.”

            “You sounded great,” Suho said.  “Your voice is so strong.”

            Sunggyu scratched the back of his head, looking bashful and awkward, not sure how to take the compliment.  Then he puffed up, impatient and full of bluster.  “Of course it’s strong, I’m the main vocal, I have a great voice, what else do you expect?”

            “It’s a nice site,” Suho said.  “Your fans are very dedicated.  Did you tell the kids that we’re staying?”

            “I told them.  They’re playing embarrassing games.”

            Suho wasn’t going to think about that.  Trying to sound ordinary, conversational, he asked, “Did you have sex?”

            “Hyung’s sex life is none of your business,” Sunggyu said, sitting on the bed.  Tucking his hands under his thighs, he added, “L blew me.  I needed it, I feel better.”

            Suho licked his lips.  He didn’t want to, he knew how it looked, but he couldn’t help it.  “You woke him up for that?”

            “What, he sleeps too much, anyway.  And he liked it, that’s why I was gone for so long, he wouldn’t leave my cock alone.”

            Suho couldn’t blame him.  And that definitely sounded right; L loved giving head.  He was very, very good at it, too.

            Needing to think about something else, anything else, Suho got up.  He paced around the room, trying to clear his mind.  “We’ll leave early so we aren’t in your way.  Is it all right if we stay, are you sure?  Your members won’t get enough sleep.”

            “As long as L’s rested, that’s all that matters.  He’s the only one they look at, anyway.”

            Suho shook his head.  “You know that’s not true.”

            “Then I need my rest, too,” Sunggyu decided.  “Turn the light off and get over here so I can sleep.”

            Telling himself that it would be okay, he turned on the lamp by the bed.  Then he took a very slow route back toward the door, staring at the light switch on the wall.  It would be okay, this was fine, he had no idea what was going to happen but-

            “Hyung doesn’t have any intentions,” Sunggyu said from behind him.  At those simple, familiar words, air rushed out of him and he relaxed, his muscles relieved.  “You said that I need sleep, right?  We’ll just sleep.”

            Feeling more sure of himself now, he turned off the light.

            “I’ll just sleep,” Sunggyu added.  “If you wake up and get bored and want to do things, or look, or touch something, I won’t notice.  I can sleep through anything.”

            Grateful for that, embarrassed, Suho moved away from the switch, walking towards the bed.  He wished that he didn’t need those reassurances, that he wasn’t the kind of person who behaved that way.  But he was, and he’d proven it.  He felt really lucky to have a hyung who understood him so well, and was so patient with him.  “I’m sorry for being so difficult.”

            “You’re not difficult.”

            “I am,” he disagreed, crawling onto the bed.

            “How do you want this?” Sunggyu asked.  “Should hyung leave everything on, or take something off?” he asked, running his hand over the front of his shirt.

            Suho froze, staring, his mind whirring along at a thousand miles a minute.  Yes, he wanted Sunggyu to take something off.  Take it all off, take everything off.  He couldn’t look away from Sunggyu’s eyes, but his mind kept replaying Sunggyu’s gesture, smooth fingers drifting over cotton, stroking the contours of the body beneath.  He wanted to see Sunggyu’s bare chest.  He wanted to stare at it, and know every line of it.  He wanted to run his hands over it, rub his face against it, to feel the warmth of Sunggyu’s body, the resiliency of Sunggyu’s skin.  He wanted Sunggyu naked.  And there was no possible way for him to admit to that.

            “Okay,” Sunggyu said, nodding.  “I’ll leave everything on, then, right?”  He pulled the covers aside and stretched his legs out, then leaned back against the pillows.  “Is it your turn to be the big spoon?  I don’t mind things poking me, my members do it all of the time.  Or should I be the big spoon again?  I like it better that way, but maybe you want a change.”

            He’d be happy any way, all ways; just getting to sleep with Sunggyu at all was a fantasy.  He’d be thrilled to sleep on the desk chair beside the bed.  What he wanted most was to sleep face-to-face, but maybe that was too much?  It wasn’t always the most comfortable, anyway, and it could be annoying to sort out where all of the arms and legs went.

            He wanted to sleep on his back, with Sunggyu on top of him weighing him down.  He wanted to feel Sunggyu’s relaxed body press him into the mattress; he wanted to wrap his arms around Sunggyu and hold on all night.

            He wanted to be on his stomach, his face buried in Sunggyu’s pillow, his hand pumping his cock while Sunggyu thrust inside of him, Sunggyu’s erection filling him up while wave after wave of pleasure blasted his body and ecstasy hit him like a fireball.

            “Is this a multiple choice test, should I draw you pictures with stick figures in bed for you to choose from?” Sunggyu asked.  “I’ll go to sleep, and you join in when it’s comfortable.”  He rolled onto his side.  Then he rolled onto his other side, conscientiously leaving room for Suho.  Then he flopped onto his back.  In between each move, he waited a couple of minutes, giving Suho time to join him.

            He was so sweet sometimes, it only made Suho love him more.  “You don’t look comfortable.  You can take things off, if you want, you shouldn’t sleep uncomfortably in your own bed.”

            “Don’t stare too much,” Sunggyu said, rolling out of bed.  “I didn’t put on cute panties for you.”

            Suho didn’t stare at all; he didn’t trust himself to look.  While Sunggyu was up, he grabbed the opportunity to stretch out, settling on one side.

            Still in a T-shirt, Sunggyu sat on the bed.  Gingerly, he relaxed onto his back, then held very still.

            He was so tame, Suho wanted to take liberties.  But that wasn’t fair; it wasn’t right to make him hold back just so that Suho could act out.  But he was a good hyung, and he understood.  He didn’t mind, right?  He wasn’t pushing for sex or asking for anything.

            But he’d had sex with Woohyun and then gone to L for more.  He was turning to his members to get what Suho wouldn’t give him.

            Suho didn’t owe him anything.  It wasn’t Suho’s responsibility to provide sexual service on his timetable.

            Still, it wasn’t right to take advantage of him, either.

            But how much was taking advantage?  They were going to sleep together, so did it make sense never to touch, not once all night?  They should get comfortable.

            What was comfortable for Suho might not be for Sunggyu.

            But Sunggyu was hyung here; he could speak up for himself.

            Suho scooted closer and carefully, cautiously rested his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder.  Balling his hands into fists, quelling the urge to touch, he tried to relax.

            Minutes ticked by.  Awkward moments where no one spoke but Suho couldn’t hold still.  He shifted his legs and pointed his toes and flexed his fingers and wondered if he should’ve gone home after all.

            Then Sunggyu grunted and said, “C’mere.”  Wrapping an arm around him, Sunggyu pulled him close, tucking him up securely against Sunggyu’s side.  Sunggyu’s chest was firm under his cheek, the cotton of Sunggyu’s shirt soft and smelling like fabric softener.  His fingers curled in the hem of Sunggyu’s shirt and held on.  Responding enthusiastically, his cock swelled against Sunggyu’s hip.  “You can wake me up early if you want me to get you off,” Sunggyu said, “but not to talk.”

            “Yes, hyung.”

            Sunggyu’s hand rubbed lightly over his waist, and then they were still again.  But this time, Suho wasn’t tense or cautious.  He felt great.  He loved being snug up against Sunggyu’s body.  He felt comfortable here, and he didn’t want to lift his head.  He could hear Sunggyu’s heartbeat, and he listened to its rhythm.  So steady, so constant, it was reliable, like Sunggyu.  Despite being sometimes mercurial and superficially unpredictable, Sunggyu was always there for him.  A rock.  He needed that.  He always had to be the strong one, the tough one, the leader, in charge, a cool head, responsible, mature.  He loved being able to be foolish and being able to relax and letting someone else take the lead for once.

            He was used to falling asleep in strange places, and he was so comfortable that he could feel sleep pulling on him, drawing him under.  But his cock was wide awake and making suggestions.  When enough time had passed that he was sure that Sunggyu was asleep, he shifted.  Raising one leg, he angled his thigh over Sunggyu’s.  The motion dragged his erection over Sunggyu’s hip, and he moaned, shuddering at the hot pulse of pleasure shooting straight to his balls.  Breathing out slowly, he tried to be quiet, but now his cock was really throbbing, like he’d wakened some slumbering beast.  Wincing, he tried to get comfortable, but basically he was squirming and grinding against Sunggyu’s hip, and that only made things worse.  Canting his hips back, he tried to keep his cock off of Sunggyu, hoping that without friction to stimulate him, he’d calm down.

            But pressing himself to Sunggyu felt good, and he was tired of denying himself.  Policing himself and holding back and constantly being on guard against his own desires was exhausting, and maybe tonight, he didn’t have to do that.  Rocking his hips, rubbing his hard-on against Sunggyu, he moaned again.  Fuck, that felt good.  Inhaling deeply, he filled his lungs with the scents of Sunggyu, musk and fabric softener and a hint of cologne, and he shoved his hand down the front of his pants, grabbing his cock.  It twitched, needy and responsive, and he masturbated quickly, straining and eager.  Panting, he worked his cock until he was sweating, trying to be discreet but whimpering and writhing and too turned on to stop himself.  He grabbed the sheet when he came, shooting all over it, crying out in stuttering, high tones.

Shocked, blissful, he slumped against Sunggyu.  Oh, god.  He was an embarrassment, he was a horny out-of-control fiend, but he’d worry about that later.  Fuck, he felt incredible.  Shivering, he smiled.  He’d really needed that.

He wadded up the corner of the sheet and pushed it aside, reminding himself to change Sunggyu’s sheets when he got up.  Clinging to Sunggyu’s side, he nuzzled in against Sunggyu’s chest and closed his eyes.  Bliss faded to drowsiness and in minutes, he was asleep.

            Leaving the bathroom, Kai made the rounds.  Sunggyu’s door was shut; so was L’s.  Xiumin, Dongwoo and Lay were in one bed; Sungyeol, Woohyun, and Baekhyun were in another.  Chanyeol and Sehun were tucked up with Sungjong, and Chen was in bed with Hoya.

            D.O. was on the couch.  When Kai crouched down in front of him, his eyes opened.  “Hey,” he whispered, and he smiled a little.

            “Hey,” Kai whispered, and kissed him.  “Can I sleep with you?”

            He nodded, and when Kai climbed on top of him, he said, “Oof.”  Squirming in between him and the back of the couch, Kai spooned him, and he was so familiar and sexy and comfortable that Kai nuzzled his hair.  “You had fun?” he asked sleepily, his voice deep and hushed.

            “It was great.”  Something bothered him.  “Suho hyung’s in L hyung’s room, right?”

            Nnn.  Sunggyu hyung’s.  I think.”  D.O. yawned.

            He was sleeping in there?  Was that okay?  Was he…  That wasn’t any of Kai’s business, and Suho would be the first one to point that out.  But did they know that hyung well enough to be sure, one hundred percent sure, that this was a good idea?

Sunggyu’s cock was so hard, he woke up already groaning.  There was a warm, male body pressed up to him, a sleeping dongsaeng, and he rubbed his erection, pulling it out of his underwear, opening his mouth to tell his dongsaeng to get to it.

Then, with a start, he realized exactly who was in bed with him.  Not one of his members.  Not one of his members!  Hugging his side, clinging to his ribcage like a pretty leech, Young Money was asleep, drooling on his T-shirt.

Oh, shit.  Shoving his protesting cock back into his underwear, Sunggyu carefully edged out from under Suho.  He rushed to the door, then opened it gingerly, wincing and shushing it when the doorknob clicked as he closed it again.

He went to the bathroom.  Dongwoo was alone in there, showering.  He locked the door, pushing his underwear down.  “I have something for you.”

His aching cock was so glad to be in Dongwoo’s mouth, his groans echoed off the tiled walls.  But a blowjob wasn’t enough, and he lifted Dongwoo up onto his cock, holding Dongwoo up against the door, burying his face against Dongwoo’s damp, clean skin while Dongwoo pulled on his hair and told him how good it was.  He fucked Dongwoo hard enough to make the door bang, and instead of getting down, Dongwoo stayed there, coiled around him and kissing him deeply.

Someone knocked on the door.  “Some people have to pee!” Sungyeol called.

“Hyungs are busy!” Sunggyu shouted back.  Disrespectful fool, he could wait.  Grimacing, he set Dongwoo down, then rubbed his sore muscles.  He was going to have to work out if he wanted to do more of that.  “Go make sure that no one goes into my room.  I don’t want any stupid kids bothering Young Money.  Leaders need their rest.”

“Okay.”  Dongwoo kissed him again, naked and smelling like soap and wanting him so frankly that they were still kissing a while later when Woohyun joined Sungyeol in complaining at the door.

            Suho rolled over.

            The edge of the bed wasn’t where it should have been.

            He patted his hand over the bed, but it wasn’t his.  It was nice, though, really comfortable, with soft sheets.  Was he in a hotel?  He rolled over again, yawning and burrowing in.  He didn’t remember-


            Memories of last night seared his brain.  Panicked, he scrambled off of the bed, fleeing it like it was on fire.  Once he was on his feet, he yanked his clothes into place, staring around, orienting himself.

            He was alone.  Sunggyu was nowhere in sight.  He stared at the empty bed, at the mussed sheets where Sunggyu had been.  He’d slept with Kim Sunggyu.

            Remembering what else he’d done, he blushed.  Grabbing at the top sheet, he pulled it off of the bed, balling it up.  He’d have to ask someone about the laundry, or about where to find clean sheets.  Without explaining why he needed to know.  Although they’d probably have their own guesses about that.  Oh, no, everyone was going to make assumptions!

            Well, so what?  He was an adult, wasn’t he?  He could do things if he wanted to.  Who were they to judge?  Hugging the sheet, he opened the door.

            Dongwoo stood there, hair tousled, eating cereal.  Chewing, Dongwoo smiled at him.

            “Morning,” Suho said, wondering what he was doing there.

            Dongwoo swallowed.  “Hey, morning.  You slept well?”  He gestured with his bowl and spoon.  “Want to eat?  There’s more.”

            “Ah, thank you.  Do you know where the clean sheets are?”

            Dongwoo glanced at the one he was holding.  “For Gyu hyung’s bed?  They’re in the closet, there.”

            Following Dongwoo’s gesture, he saw a door, and nodded.  “Thanks, hyung.  And where can I put this?”

            “It’s dirty?  Just throw it in the laundry room.  Oh, but don’t use the red sheets,” Dongwoo added as he started off.  “They’re for special occasions.”

            Suho wondered which special occasions they were for.  Special sexual occasions?  Like what, planned Infinite-only orgy nights?  Woohyun’s birthday?  He dumped the sheet in the laundry room, then took blue sheets from the closet shelf.  Other people were up and moving around the dorm, but they were too busy getting ready to pay him much attention.

            He was putting sheets on the bed when L came in.  Flopping right down to sit in his way on the bed, L grabbed his waist and stared up at him with bright, expectant eyes.  L’s smile was so eager that he smiled back.  “How was it?  How did it go?  What happened?”

            “What?”  For a moment, he wanted to be in on the secret and know what L was asking him about.  Then he realized that, as he’d expected, people were making assumptions.  L thought that he’d gotten somewhere with Sunggyu last night.  And jacking off while pressed up against Sunggyu’s body probably didn’t count.  Embarrassed, he shook his head.

            “You don’t have to tell me everything,” L said, still smiling, eyes shining.  “But how was it?  It was good, right?”

            L was so happy for him, he felt like he’d done something wrong.  “It isn’t like that.  Nothing happened.”

            L looked puzzled for a moment, and then the shine faded from his eyes.  “Nothing?”  He frowned, taking hold of Suho’s wrist.  Nothing?”

            “It isn’t like that between us.”

            L’s frown deepened.  “What the fuck does that mean?”

            Jerking his wrist free, Suho stepped back, glaring at him.  “Is that how you speak to your hyung?”

            “No, I.”  Catching himself, L shook his head, then breathed out.  “No, I’m sorry.  Suho hyung, seriously.”  He looked concerned now, and he pulled Suho close again.  “What is it, what happened?”

            It didn’t seem right to close someone else’s bedroom door; he had no right to keep Sunggyu out.  But he didn’t want to discuss this in front of everyone.  He closed the door, and then he sat beside L on the half-made bed.  “We’re not at that stage yet.  It’s not time.  I’m not ready.”

            “You’re not ready,” L repeated flatly, clearly not believing him.

            He licked his lips.  “I’m too ready.  I can’t be with him when I’m not in control of myself.  It’s bad enough when it builds up to that, but with Sunggyu hyung, I start out already feeling so, feeling too…  I feel too much.”

            “You want him, and he wants you, and you can’t have sex because you want it too much?”

            “I don’t know if it’s right, I don’t know - - I don’t know what this is.  I don’t know what I’m doing here or what he wants from me.  I already confessed to him, but I didn’t confess to everything.  He wants to be my close hyung, but what does that mean?  That’s not a commitment.  Woohyun dragged me in here to lecture me like I was signing up for a permanent position, but we’re not boyfriends, we’ve never said that.”

            L squinted at him.  “You can’t have sex until you have a commitment?  Hyung, do you need a ring and a dowry, too?”

            “I…”  Hearing what that sounded like, he ran his hands through his hair.  “I started with my members.  And that’s a commitment.  I committed myself to you and to Changjo before anything happened, I made promises, I came to conclusions.  I don’t have casual sex, I’m not built for it, I’ve always said that.  I think…  I think that I need to know that he’s going to protect me.  I need to know that if I do this, he’ll still be here, after.”

            “Oh my god,” L said, blinking at him.  “You’re serious.”

            He pushed at L, annoyed.  “Who are you to talk?  You have all kinds of rules about who you do things with.  You have fewer partners than I do right now.”  When L considered that, he pressed the point.  “What happened first, did you tell Changjo that you love him, or did you have sex with him?”

            “Okay, okay.”  L chuckled, and for a moment he smiled at the wall like he was enjoying some good memories.  Then he inhaled and turned his attention back to Suho.  “Does Sunggyu hyung know this?”

            “I didn’t know this,” Suho admitted.  “I felt like things weren’t right, but maybe this is why.  If I do this with him, and he walks away from me, it’ll feel…”  Bad.  Very, very bad.  “I can’t do it.”  But what was his choice, then?  To ask Sunggyu to make some kind of commitment to him?  It was easier when he was the hyung, when he was vowing to love and protect his dongsaengs.  It was a lot more difficult to be the one asking Sunggyu to cherish him and look after him.

            “He’s not going to run away somewhere,” L said.  “Where would he go?  Don’t you know how much he likes you?”

            But Sunggyu wasn’t in love with him.  And he needed that reassurance.  He needed to know that there was a bond between them, more than convenience and circumstance and sexual interest.  He needed to know that Sunggyu’s patience with him wouldn’t snap, and that Sunggyu’s affection for him wouldn’t wane, and that he was opening up and sharing himself and being intimate with someone who’d still be there tomorrow.  He’d rather not do it at all than do it with someone who wasn’t loyal to him.  For him, sex required too much trust.  “Ugh, I wish I could be more like Baekhyun,” he muttered, flopping onto his back.

            Mmm.”  L dropped down beside him, copying his pose.  “I don’t like the way casual sex makes me feel.”

            “According to Xiumin hyung, it feels pretty great.”  He rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand.  He watched L gaze at the ceiling like all of life’s problems were written there.  Wanting to give L something nicer to think about, he asked, “But with someone you love, with our Changjo, it feels special, right?”

            A beat, like L hadn’t heard, and then he smiled at Suho, his dimples showing, the light back in his eyes.  “It feels good with you, too.”

            It felt incredible with L, but he hadn’t meant to bring that up.  “I asked about Changjo,” he complained.

            “He worries about his technique, he wants to impress me and show off.  And he knows what to do, he’s good at all of those things.  But that doesn’t matter.  It’s how much I love him that matters, and how I feel when I’m with him.  The way he smiles when he sees me, that’s all I need.  If all he ever did was love me, and he was bad at everything else, it would still be special between us.”

            Suho was touched that L would confide in him this much.  “I’m really glad, really, that our Changjo has someone who loves him as much as you do.  I’m grateful for it.”

            L’s smile was so warm and so affectionate that it pulled on Suho’s heart.  “I’m grateful that he has you, too,” he said, and then he blushed, turning his face away, looking embarrassed.  He chuckled.  Aish, so sentimental.”

            It was then that Suho remembered that they didn’t have all morning to sit around talking.  “What are we doing?  Get up!  You have to get ready, you have to go!” he scolded, pushing and shooing L off of the bed.  “I have to go, where are my members, we have to leave!”

            “So bossy,” L said as Suho herded him towards the door.  “I’m dressed, aren’t I?”

            “In that?” Suho demanded.  “Aren’t you going to see Inspirit today?”

            “My fans don’t care what I wear.”

            Scoffing, Suho opened the door and pushed him through it.  “Change!”

            There were extra kids around.  Sleepy idols in Sunggyu’s bathroom.  Hungry idols in his kitchen.  Horny idols making out on his couch.  He went into the laundry room to find clean clothes, and Kai was in there boning Sungjong.

            He didn’t want to change clothes in his room, since Young Money was in there, so he changed in the laundry room.  He tried to be annoyed that he couldn’t get any privacy in his own dorm and that some hoobae had chased him out of his room, but he couldn’t get any traction.  Mainly he wondered if he was handling things well, or if he should do something different.  Was he going too slowly with Young Money, or too fast?  Should he be more assertive about sex or would it be better if he gave Young Money more space?  He wanted to go for it, but Money wasn’t ready, and he didn’t know how to get Money ready, except by time and exposure.  The more often they were together and Money felt safe and comfortable with him, the more he could prove that he wasn’t scary.  He couldn’t have sex with someone who jumped away whenever he walked in the room.  Or with someone too shy to look at his junk.  He wasn’t going to try to put it in someone who wouldn’t even look at it.

            When he was in the hallway, he heard Money’s voice coming from the front room.  “Maknae!  Go and ask Xiumin hyung to come here.  We have to go, and we can’t make our sunbaes late.  D.O., go check on the bathroom, make sure that we didn’t leave a mess for our sunbaes to come home to.  Chanyeol, check on the kitchen.  L-ah, ah, so handsome, that’s much better, Inspirit will be happy.  Where is Kai?”

            It was funny to hear another leader in the dorm.  Sunggyu was tempted to sit back and enjoy it.  But it would be more fun to help.  “Kai!” he shouted.  “Out here, now!”

            “Lay, no, not now,” Suho said.  “Let’s not distract our sunbaes when they have somewhere to go.”

            “Chen’s distracting Woohyun,” Lay said.

            Money might not want to interrupt Woohyun, but Sunggyu didn’t have any problems with it.  “I’ll get them,” he called.  He checked Woohyun’s room; empty.  He checked Hoya’s room.  Woohyun was giving it to Chen nice and slow, from behind, and Chen was hugging the pillow and moaning, “I need it, yes, ooouunnh, I need it, don’t stop, ah-ooohhh, don’t stop.”

            Oh, on Hoya’s bed, really?  Sunggyu wanted to grab Woohyun by the throat.  “Finish,” he ordered.  “We’re leaving.”

            “I can’t, ah, rush something, mmm, as good as Chen-ah,” Woohyun said, thrusting steadily, his cock rocking deep into Chen’s cute ass.

            “You didn’t hear me?” Sunggyu demanded.  “I told you to finish.”

            “Okay, okay.  Come on, sexy Chen, we’re going to get to the end now,” Woohyun said, sliding a hand under Chen and grasping his cock.

            Crossing his arms over his chest, Sunggyu stood over them, glaring, until all of the moaning and spurting was done.  Chen was smart enough to read the room and get out quickly, but when Woohyun tried to leave, Sunggyu threw a pillow at him.  “Change these sheets.”

            Laughing, pretending to be confused, Woohyun held the pillow.  “Hyung-”

            “Do it now,” he ordered.

            “Don’t we have to go?  We’re going to be late over some sheets?”

            “We’re going to be late over your ego!”  He shot a glance at the door, then lowered his voice, glaring into Woohyun’s dark eyes.  “You arrogant jackass, you want to be the most romantic, you want to be the best lover, you want to seduce the whole world, I don’t care, do what you want.  You want to prove shit to yourself, do it.  You want to prove shit to Chen, do it.  But this,” he pushed Woohyun toward the bed, “is proving shit to Hoya.”

            Woohyun looked stubborn and insulted, nostrils flaring.

            “Don’t do it again,” Sunggyu warned.  “Don’t.  Not in my dorm, not on my team.  Hoya’s not someone you can treat like this, and I don’t want to see it again.”

            Woohyun looked like he wanted to argue.

            Sunggyu waited, silently daring him to say one wrong word.

            Woohyun looked down, submitting to him, then turned to the bed and started stripping it.

            Sunggyu sighed.  Satisfied but not happy, he left the room.  “Everyone’s ready?” he asked Suho.

            “Sunbae,” Suho said, smiling at him like he’d walked out of a fantasy.

            Blushing, he laughed.  “You can’t call me ‘hyung?’”

            “Ah, hyung,” Suho said, laughing and embarrassed and still looking at Sunggyu like he’d never been so attracted to someone before.  Such wide, hopeful, happy eyes.  “We’re all ready, all of your members except Woohyun.  We should go, we’ll get out of your way.  The kitchen’s cleaned up, and Dongwoo hyung has the scripts you’ll need for KBS, and D.O. started some laundry, so you’ll have clean towels when you come back.  And I ordered some coffee to be delivered to your first schedule in case your members didn’t get enough rest.”

            Sunggyu wanted to cup Suho’s face in both hands and kiss him.  “Can I hire you?”

            Suho laughed, and Baekhyun said, “He’s very, very expensive.”

            Suho pushed Baekhyun aside, then smiled at Sunggyu.  “I’m glad to help you, hyung.  Thank you for letting us stay over, I think that everyone liked it.”  Suho hugged him.  Surprised, he hugged back cautiously, wanting to make sure that it was okay.  When Suho just kept hugging him and everything seemed fine, he hugged Suho close, glad for the trust and intimacy.  When Suho pulled back, he was reluctant to let go, but he didn’t hold on.  “Maybe we can talk soon?”  Suho licked his lips, scanning Sunggyu’s face, a little nervous now but still looking so hopeful and happy that Sunggyu wanted to give him anything he asked for.  “There are some things that I need to say.”

            “You can call me tonight.”  But immediately he saw on Suho’s face that wouldn’t be enough.  “If it should be in person, you can come over soon.  I’ll let you know.”

            “Okay.”  Suho nodded, then hugged him again.  While they were close, Suho whispered, “You were awake for that, weren’t you?”

            He grinned, arms tightening around Suho.  “Awake for the whole thing.”

            Suho was so quiet over the next few days, Lay wondered if something was wrong.  He didn’t seem unhappy, he just seemed to have a lot on his mind.  One evening, during a break in practice, Lay sat beside him.  He handed over a water bottle.  After drinking, Lay asked, “Everything’s okay?”

            “Hmm?”  He nodded.  “Our outfits will be ready-”

            “I don’t mean that.  I meant with you.  Everything’s okay?”

            “Oh, me?”  He didn’t seem to understand what Lay meant.  “Of course I’m fine.”

            “You haven’t been worrying over anything?”

            He dropped his gaze, and then he pouted, toying with his own water bottle.  “I feel like an old-fashioned relic.”

            “Because you can’t keep up?” Chanyeol asked, sitting down beside him.  “Don’t worry, hyung, you’ll get the steps sometime.”

            “That’s not what I - - get away,” Suho said, raising his water bottle like he might hit Chanyeol with it.

            Ooohh, hyung!” Chanyeol exclaimed, laughing and ducking.

            “Quiet,” Lay said, brushing Chanyeol aside.  “What do you mean, a relic?”

            “Relics?” Chen asked, reaching past Chanyeol to grab a bottle.  “Are you talking about Xiumin hyung?”

            “Can - - I’m trying to have a conversation,” Lay objected.  “With one person, not eight.”

            “Sorry, hyung,” Chen said, sitting beside him.  “Everybody!  Members!  Lay hyung and Suho hyung want to talk!  Let’s all be quiet and respect their conversation.”

            Immediately, everyone in the room came over, sweaty bodies gathering around.  Staring, their chins propped on their hands, the members waited for the conversation to commence.

            Lay turned Baekhyun’s face out of his way, then asked Suho, “Relic?”

            “Wait, do you not understand what ‘relic’ means or - - is this a translation problem?” Chanyeol asked.

            “I know what it means, I just don’t know why he’s saying it.  And I already asked you to be quiet.”

            Pressing his lips together, Chanyeol mimed turning a key like he was locking his mouth shut.

            Suho nibbled on his lower lip, and for a long while, Lay thought that he might decide not to talk about it at all.  But everyone was quiet and patient, and eventually, he met Lay’s eyes again.  “I see people like you and Xiumin hyung and Baekhyun and - - and everyone in Teen Top, and almost anyone at all, really.  Everybody.  And I feel like I’m making too big a deal of things.  I want to.”  He stopped talking and licked his lips.

            If he had this much trouble talking about it, and if he was being this vague, then he had to be talking about sex.  “You want to what?”

            He glanced around.  Whenever conversation in the practice room turned too personal, when the members talked about sex or argued too intensely, he had a habit of scanning the room like he was looking for hidden cameras.  When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, and the members on the fringes leaned in.  “I want to be closer to Sunggyu sunbaenim.”

            “Sunggyu hyung,” Chanyeol corrected him.

            “No, keep saying ‘sunbaenim,’ it’s hot,” Sehun said.

            Lay really wanted to stop to ponder Sehun and L.Joe’s sex life, but he could do that later.  “He wants that too, right?”  He couldn’t imagine that Sunggyu didn’t want to screw Suho.

            “It’s not about whether we want it.  For me, it’s about.”  Suho dragged his teeth over his lower lip again, a frown forming.  “It’s more about the conditions.”

            “What does that mean?” Xiumin asked.

            “You want it to be romantic?” Chen asked.

            “I…  Yes, but no, kind of.”  Sighing, Suho hugged his knees to his chest.  “I don’t want to do anything with someone if we aren’t close enough in other ways.  I want to feel like we have a bond.  There should be things between us like trust and commitment and love.”  At that last word, he bit his lip again.

            “Hyung,” Chen said, smiling.  “That’s so sweet!”

            “Does that mean you’re in love with him?” Baekhyun asked.  “You’re really in love with that hyung?  Or you want to be, but you’re not?  Or he doesn’t love you, or what?”

            “Why would he not love Suho?” Lay asked.

            “Should I list reasons?” Xiumin asked.

            “Hyung!  Don’t be mean,” Baekhyun said.

            “It’s not weird to want to feel close to someone before you have sex with him,” Kai said.  “A lot of people feel that way.  L hyung does, right?  And Woohyun hyung, kind of.”

            D.O. cleared his throat.

            “Well, obviously, you, I meant you, too,” Kai said, laughing.  “You’re right here, we didn’t forget you.”

            “See, it’s perfectly normal,” Chen said.

            “D.O.’s normal, now?” Chanyeol asked, and D.O. punched him.

            “Sex is different for everybody,” Sehun said.  “Hyung, you know that.  People have all kinds of desires and preferences and needs and fantasies.  If you want it a certain way, then that’s great, and it’s no one else’s business.”

            “Sunggyu hyung talks all of the time about making love,” Chen said.  “If you want to wait until things feel right, he’ll understand that.”

            Lay rubbed Suho’s thigh, looking into his face.  “Are you in love with him?”

            Blushing, looking embarrassed, Suho brushed sweat from his temple and said, “No, no.”  He shook his head, cleared his throat, and avoided their eyes.

            “Oh my god,” D.O. said.

            “I knew it,” Sehun said.

            “Oh, shit, seriously?” Chanyeol demanded.

            “This is news to you?” Chen demanded, looking around.  “How did you not all know this already?  He’s been like this about Sunggyu hyung for weeks!”

            “Months,” Sehun said.

            “Years?” Baekhyun suggested.

            “You’re in love?”  Lay was so happy for him!  “Our Suho, that’s great, I’m so glad,” Lay said, hugging him.

            “Oh, ew, so sweaty,” Suho said, squirming away.

            “And smelly,” Chanyeol said, throwing his arms around Suho, too.  Laughing, all of the other members piled on, hugging Suho, offering congratulations and advice.

            “He knows, right?” Chen asked.  “You’ve already confessed to him?”

            “Kind of.”  While they sat back, Suho rubbed his ear, looking self-conscious.  “I didn’t confess to everything, so maybe he doesn’t know.  Or maybe he guessed, I don’t think that I hide it very well.”

            “But you haven’t said it?” Lay asked.

            “Don’t say it to him until he’s said it to you,” Kai said.

            “Oh, there’s great advice,” Baekhyun said sarcastically.

            “Who else should anyone take advice from, you?” Sehun asked.  “I haven’t seen your boyfriend around much, lately.”

            “I don’t have a - - shut up!”

            Xiumin pushed Baekhyun out of his way, and Chanyeol scooted over to make room.  Sitting down beside Suho, he looked right into Suho’s eyes.  “Tell him.  If you love him, you tell him.  If you want him, you tell him.”  His gaze was so direct and his tone was so serious, Lay knew that he meant it, and knew why he meant it, and ached for him.  “You don’t ever want to look back and wonder what he would’ve done if he’d known, or if things might have gone differently if you’d been more open with him.  Give him all of the information you can, so whatever decision he makes with it, you know that you did what you could.”

            “God, hyung,” Chanyeol said.

            Suho squeezed Xiumin’s shoulder, nodding.  “I understand.”

            After demanding days and busy nights, when Sunggyu saw “Young Money” pop up on his caller ID, he smiled.  Relieved to have a call that wasn’t about work, that wasn’t about stress and expectations, that was from someone he genuinely wanted to hear from, he sat down and answered.  “Is that you?”

            “Ah, hyung, it’s EXO’s guardian leader Suho.”

            “Who are you calling, ‘Music Bank?’  Do I need a formal introduction?”  He’d made the mistake of sitting down on Woohyun’s bed while Sungjong and Sungyeol made out on the other bed.  Ya, get out, I’m on the phone.”

            Sungyeol looked exasperated, and Sungjong rolled his eyes, but they got up and left, tugging at their clothes.

            “Is it a bad time to call?” Suho asked.

            “A good time.  Talk.”

            “I wondered if I could come over.  If tonight’s not good, it can be tomorrow, or any time, I just, ah.  I’d like to see you and discuss some things.”

            He’d remembered that Suho wanted to speak to him, but he hadn’t had any time over the last few days.  “Hyung’s been busy.  I have time tomorrow night.  Should I go over?”

            “Here?  I don’t want to make you travel.  I’ll go to you.  And I’ll bring dinner.  Will all of the members be there?”

            “At least half of them, probably.”

            “Then I’ll bring plenty.”

            He smiled.  Suho was such a conscientious dongsaeng.  “How long will it be before you show up empty-handed and take me for granted?”  He kind of looked forward to it.

            “I hope that I’ll always make an effort when it comes to you.”

            Damn, he liked that.  “You always know what to say.”

            “I hope that you’ll like what I have to say tomorrow night.”

            He tried not to read too much into that.  But it sounded so promising, even after they hung up, he couldn’t get it off of his mind.

            “I can dress myself!” Suho exclaimed, brushing his members aside.

            They were right back on him like insistent fleas.  “But you have to look good!” Chen said.

            “I always look good,” he grumbled as they dug through his closet and shoved clothing at him.

            “You want to make the right impression,” Sehun said.

            “This isn’t even mine,” he said, edging away from the clothes they thrust at him.  “And what is that?  I’m not wearing stage clothes in my private time!”

            “What are we going for?” Chanyeol asked, flipping through pairs of pants.  “Sexy?  Romantic?  Classic?  Fuck-me?”

            “We’re appealing to Sunggyu hyung’s heart, not his cock,” Chen said.

            “I thought we were going for both,” Lay said.

            “But then you’ll get a mixed message,” Sehun said.  “You want one simple look.  And don’t take this the wrong way, but it doesn’t matter what you wear if your hair looks that bad.”

            Indignant, Suho put his hand to his head.  “Out!  Out, all of you, get out.  I can dress myself.”

            They moved out of his direct reach, but no one left the room.  Shooing Chanyeol aside, he went to his closet himself.  Unfortunately, he had no idea what to do once he got there.

            “Must be such a burden, looking so handsome all of the time no matter what you wear,” Xiumin said, strolling in and taking a comfortable seat on Chen’s bed.  “I guess we won’t expect to see you until tomorrow morning?”

            “It’s not like that!”  Embarrassed, Suho flipped through clothes.  “Don’t make assumptions.”

            “Kai wants me to go with you,” Xiumin said.

            Surprised, Suho turned to him.  “Tonight?”

            Xiumin nodded.  “He wants me to make an excuse about visiting Dongwoo, and go with you, and stay.”

            Why?  “Do I need a babysitter?” he demanded, insulted.  Why did his own members think so little of him?

            “He’s just worried about Sunggyu hyung,” Xiumin said.

            “I’m not,” Chen said.

            “Neither am I,” Xiumin said.  “Kai’s known you for a long time, and he doesn’t know Sunggyu hyung that well, and he doesn’t want it to go badly.  You’ve never been in love before, not with some hyung he doesn’t know.”

            “He knows Sunggyu hyung well enough,” Suho said firmly.  “And he should know me well enough to trust my judgment.  I don’t need any members tagging along.”

            “I would like to go see Dongwoo, though,” Xiumin said.

            “Go and visit anyone else,” Suho said.  “I don’t want to see any EXO members in Infinite’s dorm tonight, besides me.”  A babysitter!  Annoyed, he grabbed a T-shirt and jeans from his closet.

            “What are you doing?” Lay asked.  “You can’t wear that.”

            “Hyung, he calls you ‘Young Money’ for a reason,” Sehun said.  “You have to look expensive.”

            “This T-shirt cost five hundred dollars,” he said.

            “It doesn’t look like it,” Lay said.

            “Try this,” Chanyeol suggested, holding up a thin black sweater.

            “And the fuck-me jeans, you have to wear the fuck-me jeans,” Lay said.

            “Put it all on, and take a photo for one of Infinite’s members and ask if it’s all right,” Chen said.

            “But you have to do your hair first,” Sehun said.

            Aggravated, Suho started shoving.  “Out!  Out!  All of you!”  He pushed all of his dongsaengs out of the room, then closed the door.  “Ugh!”  Alone with Xiumin, he changed into the black sweater and those jeans.  Then, running his hand through his hair, he assessed his reflection in the mirror.  Not bad.  He pushed the sleeves up partway and turned, eyeing his reflection some more, pouting and toying with his hair.  “Looks okay?”

            “I’d do you,” Xiumin said.

            Nervous, he crossed his arms over his chest.  Facing Xiumin, he shifted his weight.  “But would you tell me that you love me?”

            Xiumin smiled at him.  “Yeah.  I would.”

            Sunggyu was still in the van when Suho texted him.  Hyung, how was filming?  Are your members hungry?

            Sorry, Money-ah.  Filming ran late.

            Should I meet your members at the dorm and feed them?  Or do you want me to wait?

            He liked that Suho wanted to take care of his kids.  Feed them if you want.  Dongwoo will let you in.

            Okay, hyung.  And it’s okay if you’re late, I’ll wait patiently.

            It was a genuine relief to deal with someone who understood if his timing was disrupted, and didn’t take it personally, and didn’t complain.  He could relax and look forward to seeing Suho, as opposed to feeling burdened and stressed out about the argument ahead.

            When he walked into the dorm, his members were in the front room, eating and talking.  They mostly ignored him, but Suho hopped up, all smiles.  “Hyung, you came.”

            “Left anything for me?” he asked, taking off his shoes.  Suho hugged him, and wow.  He held on, absorbing the moment.  It felt really, really good to come home to someone who was happy to see him, to walk in and find such a warm, comfortable welcome.

            “Of course, there’s a lot more,” Suho said.  “I brought pork and some chicken, and there are plenty of side dishes.  I’ll get you something to drink.  Hoya’s in his room, and Woohyun went out to see Key.”

            He wanted to say that he didn’t care, but secretly he was glad to have the report.  He’d spent so many years keeping track of his members, it was a hard habit to break.  “I’ll shower first.”  He still had on make-up and half of his stage outfit.  He wanted to see Suho smile at him this happily when he had ugly clothes and flat hair.  The funny thing was, he knew that Suho would; he just wanted to receive it.

            “Okay.  Dinner will still be here when you’re ready.”

            Suho would still be here when he was ready.  He wanted to caress the side of Suho’s neck and tickle under Suho’s chin, but he kept his hands to himself.  He smiled at Suho, and Suho smiled back, and they just stood there liking each other, and then he nodded and felt embarrassed and wanted to laugh.  Controlling his expression, he turned away, heading toward the bathroom.  “Maknae, I’m going to want to talk to you.  Finish eating.”

            “Yes, hyung.”

            “Ah, hyung.”

            Suho’s voice was tentative.  Eyebrows up, Sunggyu turned.

            Blushing, Suho smiled.  “Maybe you could wait and not do that.”

            What?  Sunggyu cocked his head to one side, trying to be sure that he understood.  “Not do it?”  Who was this dongsaeng?  He was the leader, he was the hyung here, it was his privilege.  He did what he wanted, when he wanted.  No one interfered.  Was this how Suho expected it to be from now on?

            Suho hesitated.  “I’m sorry, hyung, I - - never mind.  It’s nothing, never mind.”

            “No,” Sungjong said from the floor.  “What do you mean?”

            Suho looked like he regretted saying anything at all.  Sunggyu wanted to clear this up, but he didn’t want to turn Suho into some spectacle for the maknae’s entertainment; he was about to speak up when Suho got there first.  “It’s a private issue.  We’ll talk about it later.”

            Sunggyu nodded and went to take a shower.  While he washed, he wondered what Suho thought was going on.  Was he expected to stop screwing his members altogether?  Or just not when Suho was in the dorm?  Did Suho think that was insensitive?  That didn’t really seem fair, when last time they’d seen each other, he’d told Suho to go have sex with L.  Had Suho not done it because of him?  Okay, he’d maybe not really minded that Suho hadn’t had sex with L the other night, but that was maybe because he was a little bit jealous.  He’d feel better about Suho’s sex life with L if Suho also had a sex life with him.  He wanted to be generous and understanding and carefree about it, but it was kind of difficult when Suho had trouble being in the same room with him but definitely, obviously enjoyed everything L did.

            He was drying off when Sungjong strolled in.  “Need anything?” Sungjong asked carelessly, giving him a lazy onceover, gaze dropping again for a second look at his cock.

            Yes.  “No.”  He liked coming home and getting off; it was a good way to wind down after a long day.  A shower, dinner, and a good, satisfying orgasm was a perfect evening routine.  It annoyed him that he wasn’t going to get one.

            “No?”  Sungjong laughed, leaning against the sink.  “Why, because some hoobae said so?”  Sungjong gave him a curious, disbelieving look.  “Is he in charge of where you put your cock now?”

            “No.  I explained all of that before, didn’t I?  I told you that nothing was going to change.”  He’d deliberately had that conversation with each of his members, just to avoid misunderstandings like this one.  Maybe he should’ve had that conversation with Young Money, too.

            “Then what’s this?” Sungjong asked.  “I can’t blow you because he doesn’t want me to?”

            Sunggyu frowned.  He didn’t like it, either.  It wasn’t even the blowjob, specifically, it was the principle of the thing.  He didn’t want to let some hoobae push him around.  He already had enough cute dongsaengs who knew how to get what they wanted out of him.  But he didn’t need to make this situation into something bigger than it was.  Suho had simply asked him to hold off for a little bit until they discussed it.  So they’d discuss it.  “If you’re desperate for my cock, you can have it later.”

            Sungjong didn’t like that answer at all.  His expression tightened, eyes shifting, and his tone was acidic.  “Once he’s gone?”

            “Once I decide it’s a good time to give it to you.  Maybe after he’s gone, maybe while he’s still here, maybe right in front of him.  You like that?”

            “Right, that’s what I get off on,” Sungjong muttered.  He turned away, leaving.  In the doorway, he turned back.  “And I’m not desperate for it.”

            “You look pretty desperate,” Sunggyu called after him.

            As the door swung shut, Sungjong made a rude gesture.

            “I saw that!” he shouted.

            Making a mental note to make Sungjong’s life hell tomorrow, he put his underwear on, and a baggy T-shirt, and comfortable sweatpants.  Yawning, he pawed his damp hair into place.  Glancing at the mirror on his way out of the bathroom, he shrugged.  Aside from himself and his fans, the only people who thought that he looked handsome like this were Dongwoo and Woohyun, and Woohyun was lying.

            He trudged back out to the front room.  Sungjong and Sungyeol had disappeared; L was on the couch, hugging pillows and texting someone.  Dongwoo and Suho were having what sounded like a really earnest conversation about cookies or birthday cakes or something.  “Who’s going to clean this up?” he asked, looking over the mess of abandoned bowls all over his floor.

            “Oh, sorry, hyung,” Dongwoo said.  “L-ah, pick these things up,” he said, already gathering cups and bottles.

            “Okay, hyung,” L said without moving.

            Suho smiled up at Sunggyu the same way he had earlier, like he was finally seeing someone he’d yearned to meet for a long time and he couldn’t hold back how glad he was.  His expression softened, and his gaze dipped, and then his smile brightened all over again, and he looked really delighted, when Sunggyu wasn’t doing anything but standing there.  Finally, he got to his feet.  “It’s okay, hyung, I’ll clean that up, I brought it,” he told Dongwoo.  “Sunggyu hyung, we put the drinks in the fridge so they’d cool off again, I’ll get you one.”

            “We ate because of you, we shouldn’t make you clean up, too,” Dongwoo said.  He looked over his shoulder at L, and then one foot jerked back and kicked the sofa.  Ya!  Help out.”

            “Oh, sorry, hyung.”  Tucking his phone away, L rolled off of the couch to pitch in.

            While Dongwoo and L cleaned up the dirty dishes and trash, and Suho went to fetch a drink, Sunggyu sat down.  Like Suho had promised, there was plenty of food left, and he dug in hungrily.  Suho came back and sat beside him, and asked about his filming.

            He didn’t want to talk and eat, so he told Suho to talk, instead.  Suho told him cute stories, and then complained and pouted about some things, and then told him more cute stories.  Glad to see Suho so comfortable with him, he nodded and made commiserating noises about everything.  The complaints weren’t very serious, only the usual things.  To make sure, he asked, “Everything else is okay?  You aren’t too tired lately, your managers aren’t bothering you about anything?  Your members are mostly behaving?”

            “It’s all fine,” Suho said.  “I’m lucky, it’s been a good week.  What about you, how is everything?”

            “Nothing to complain about.  Everyone’s been working hard.  Hoya’s a little…”  He scrunched up his nose.  He didn’t know why he’d said that; he wasn’t going to talk to Money about that.  Not yet.  He was too susceptible to Young Money if he was blurting things out without thinking first.

            “Is he all right?”  Mild concern colored Suho’s expression, like he was ready to jump in and help if Sunggyu needed it.

            “Ah, he’ll be okay.  It’s personal stuff.  He’s just upset about some cute guy, he’ll get over it.”

            “A cute guy?”  Suho chuckled.  “I didn’t think that our Howonie would be that sentimental.  If it’s someone I know, tell me so I can put in a good word.”

            He really didn’t know?  He wasn’t playing stupid to protect Chen, or was he?  Sunggyu didn’t think that he was that calculating.  He might act that way with a stranger, but not with Sunggyu.  “Another time, I’ll tell you all about it.”  It wasn’t good if Suho had no idea; Sunggyu had expected him to be more aware of his members than that.  Unless he was aware of his members, and that meant that Chen - - ah, Sunggyu would worry about it later.  “Come on.”  Sunggyu got up, reaching down a hand to him.  “You wanted to talk to me, let’s talk.”

            In his room, Sunggyu sat on the side of the bed.  Suho closed the door and sat beside him.  They were silent for a moment.

Hoya started playing music just loud enough to wear on Sunggyu’s nerves.

Suho rubbed his toes against the carpet.

Sunggyu studied the ceiling.  He had all night, right?  He could wait.

“Sunbae…”  Suho shook his head, frowning at the floor.  “It’s not sexy, I don’t know why Sehun thinks it’s sexy.”

Sunbae?  “You don’t want to call me ‘hyung?’  It’s a problem for you?”

“It’s too personal.”

“You don’t want to be close to me?”

“I want it too much.”

Sunggyu nodded.  “You can’t be comfortable liking me?  It’s still upsetting you?”  He should be flattered, but sometimes it seemed like an insult, like there was something wrong with him.  Suho should feel good around him and be glad to be with him, not tense and skittish.  What was he doing wrong?

“It’s not that.  I.”  Suho shifted, scooting over to sit against the pillows, pulling his legs in.  Sunggyu moved to face him, leaving plenty of space, the whole length of the bed between them.  “I’m going to tell you something, and when I say it, I don’t want you to feel obligated.  I don’t want you to feel responsible for me.  You’ve always been honest with me and said what’s true, whether or not I want to hear it.  I need you to do that again now, I need you to be honest no matter what.”  He held Sunggyu’s gaze.  “Even if you think that I’ll get hurt.”

Seeing how solemn Suho was, he knew that he had to take his responsibility seriously.  “I understand.”

Suho folded his hands together.  “When I confessed to you, I was a coward.  I didn’t speak directly, and I didn’t tell you everything.  But there are things that I should say, because you deserve to know about them.  And there are things that I need to hear from you.”

Impatient, Sunggyu told his heart to stop pounding so excitedly.  He couldn’t jump to conclusions.  He knew what he wanted to hear, what he desperately needed to hear, but he didn’t know what Suho might actually say.

“I’ll be direct.”  Suho looked boldly into his eyes, and the parts of him that weren’t hopeful and nervous felt really proud of Suho for being so courageous.  “I don’t want to give you my body unless I’ve given you my heart.  And once I’ve given you my heart, I need to know that you’ll honor that commitment.  I need to know that I can trust you, and that you’ll stand beside me even after our clothes are back on.  If you can say that you love me, and that you’ll be loyal to me, then that’s good.  If you can’t, then we have to wait.”

“Is that what’s wrong?  You aren’t sure about me?”  Sunggyu had thought that things were already clear.  “Hyung has to put it into words,” he realized.  Maybe he’d been a coward, too.  Money was right, it was time to be direct.

“If you aren’t ready to make commitments to me, don’t make them now just for my sake,” Suho said.  “I’d rather hear that you aren’t ready, or that you’ll never be ready, than hear a lie.”

“I’ll make everything clear,” Sunggyu decided.  “When things became difficult before, you ran away.  You ran away from Infinite, and from Teen Top, and you took your members with you.  You’re loyal to your members first, right?  I’m loyal to mine.  Infinite has to come first, and if that means that Young Money comes second, then that’s what’s going to happen.”

“Hyung, I.”  Suho shook his head.  “I’d never think anything else.  It’s always members first.”

He nodded.  “I can make a commitment to you, and I can make promises, but a leader’s responsibility is real.”  He thought about how Money had abandoned L.  He thought about how he’d abandoned Teen Top.  “A hyung’s responsibility is real, too.  When foolish kids broke my members’ hearts in the past, I turned my back on those kids.  If that happens now, with EXO, I won’t leave you.  I won’t sacrifice you so easily.  If you want a commitment that I’ll stand beside you, I can give you that.”

“I know that you don’t say that lightly.”  Suho’s gaze was solemn and direct.  “I don’t, either.  I’ll stand beside you, too.  I’ll support you no matter what.”

He didn’t want to have this conversation from so far away.  He crawled up the bed, and he could tell when he got too close, because Suho’s eyes widened.  It wasn’t a panicked look, only a really aware one.  Aware of how near he was, maybe, that they were close and on a bed and behind a closed door.  He backed up a bit and sat down, and he’d thought that he’d done a considerate thing by moving back, edging out of too-close range, but Suho’s expression took a moment to relax.  He tucked his legs in and tried to look pleasant and non-threatening, but when he turned up the corners of his mouth and widened his own eyes, Suho laughed.  Annoyed, he scowled, and then Suho laughed even harder, so he gave up.  “Before I make a lot of unnecessary confessions, what do you want to hear?”

“If you’re committed to me, that’s what I need.”

“What about my members?  You don’t want promises that I won’t have sex with them?”

“No!”  Suho looked genuinely surprised.  “No, I wouldn’t think anything like that.  Ah, what I said earlier…”  His voice trailed off and he blushed.  “Someone pointed out an uncomfortable truth to me, that you and I might rely too much on other people instead of turning to each other.  The last time, when I was here before, you turned to your members.  And that’s fine!” he added quickly.  “You can do what you want with whoever you want, that’s your decision.  Especially last time, when we were still figuring things out about each other.  But if we understand each other now,” he smiled, looking so embarrassed and hopeful that Sunggyu wanted to kiss his handsome face, “then maybe you can come to me if you want those things.”

Was that a proposition?  Was Young Money propositioning him?  Amazed, he laughed.  Ah, he liked it too much!  “Don’t say things if you aren’t sure.  Hyung likes you too much to be teased.”

“I’m sure.”  Suho held out his hand.  “If you’ll stand beside me, I’m sure.”

He grasped Suho’s hand.

Suho’s next breath was kind of shuddery, but he held onto Sunggyu’s hand and Sunggyu’s gaze.

Sunggyu didn’t want to be emotional and sentimental and pour out a lot of feelings if he didn’t have to.  But he didn’t want to be a coward, either.  He didn’t want to put himself in a vulnerable position with someone who already had so many advantages over him, but this was Suho.  Money might be too tense and too anxious and too skittish and too stubborn sometimes, but he knew how earnest and thoughtful Money was, too.  This was a good dongsaeng, an honest dongsaeng, and maybe he was setting himself up for a lot of pain, but he’d said that he’d make everything clear, and he’d meant everything.  He’d say it now, and-

“I love you.”

Sunggyu felt his eyes widen.  What?  “What?” he asked like a fool, staring at Suho, shocked.

Suho smiled, blushing, his grip tightening on Sunggyu’s hand.  “I’m in love with you.  You don’t have to say it back, it’s okay.  I just wanted to tell you.  That I love you.  Ah, can I stop saying it now?”

“I didn’t know.”  Suho loved him?  Why him, of all people, and why was it love?  Maybe it wasn’t love, maybe it was confusion and hormones.  But Suho was too responsible and had been through too much to toss around “love” too easily.  Not the guy who’d fought to keep EXO together.  Not the guy who’d abandoned and won back L and Changjo.  No, Suho took commitments too seriously to make a confession like this lightly.  “It’s true?”

“Yes.”  Suho’s grip was fierce, squeezing Sunggyu’s hand, but his expression was happy and innocent.  “You’ve been so good to me, even when I didn’t deserve it.  You’ve shown me how to be a good leader and a good idol and a good hyung.  I feel like I can tell you anything and show you who I really am.  You make me so happy, and you make me so, god, you’re so sexy!  I don’t know how you can be so sexy, is it fair?”

Sunggyu had told himself not to expect anything like this.  He couldn’t expect Suho to fall in love with him.  He’d decided to be a good hyung, and take care of Suho while he could, and enjoy it while it lasted, but he’d warned himself that it would never be more than that.  He’d always care more and be more invested than Suho, but that was life.  Now, though, with Suho’s confession fresh in his ears, he was stunned.  It was still sinking in, and as he absorbed the information, it kept startling him all over again.  Suho was in love with him?!  “If you confess so well, what can I say?  Hyung’s feelings for you have been there for a long time.”

“I wasn’t only an annoying hoobae who wouldn’t listen?”

“You’re that,” he said, and Suho laughed.  “But you’re other things, too.”  He wondered if it would be okay to ask for something.  Was he pushing his luck?  Maybe he shouldn’t demand too much; he should be content with what he had already.  But he wouldn’t have the life he had if he were so easily satisfied; it was in his nature to keep pushing.  “You’ve collected so many dongsaengs, you’ve moved on to collecting hyungs, too, now?  Am I just the first, and you’ll have half-a-dozen by next month?  Or is this hyung special to you?”

“You’re special,” Suho said.  “Do I seem so easy to you?”

He seemed insulted, and that put Sunggyu on the defensive.  “How can I know?  You’re in love with all of your members, and that other team’s maknae, and L, and I don’t know who else.”

“You’re special,” he repeated.  “I’ve told you already that you make me feel things that no one else does.  That’s not only because you’re a hyung, it’s because you’re Kim Sunggyu.  I don’t want to collect anyone else, my heart can’t go in any more directions than this.”

He pulled on Suho’s hand, so that their joined hands weren’t suspended in mid-air anymore but on his thigh.  There was so much hope and tension in him that his chest ached, but he tried to sound normal.  “Then maybe you don’t only want a hyung.  Maybe you want a boyfriend.”

Suho had the nerve to pull on him right back, bringing their hands to Suho’s knee.  “Are you asking me?”

            This gutsy little hoobae.  He pulled again.  “Are you going to say yes?”

            Back to Suho’s lap.  He was trying to stare Sunggyu down, but he was breathing fast, too.  “Are you only going to ask me if you’re sure of my answer?  You won’t ask me otherwise?”

            Why should he ask if he might get turned down?  Why should he open himself up for rejection?  But he understood.  It was important for Money to know that he genuinely cared, that he’d put himself at risk.  “I love you,” he said.  “Hyung’s in love with you, tiny guardian leader.  I’d be glad if you’d be my boyfriend.  It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time.”

            “What?”  Staring at him, Suho looked stunned.  “Hyung?”  This time, when Suho pulled on him, he came along with his hand, moving right into Suho’s space.  There didn’t need to be so many barriers between them anymore.  Lips parting, Suho gazed into his eyes like he’d said something mysterious and profound.  Suho always looked at him like he was unique and powerful, like he was the funniest, the handsomest, and sexiest.  It did incredible things for his ego.

            “Say yes,” Sunggyu urged him, needing to touch him more than this but trying to wait, trying to hold back until Suho gave the right sign.

            Quiet, wondering, Suho said, “Yes, you love me,” like he was still trying to understand.

            Sunggyu had to smile.  “Not that, Money-ah.  Yes, you’ll be hyung’s boyfriend.”

            “Oh.”  Breathing too fast, his chest rising and falling, Suho balled his free hand in the hem of Sunggyu’s shirt.  His smile was nervous, hopeful, happy.  “Yes, hyung, yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

            It was here, then.  The moment he’d thought would never happen.  The moment he’d told himself not to want.  Suho loved him.  Suho was promising to be his.  In this way, Suho was only his; this was a commitment no one else had.  Letting go of Suho’s hand, he cupped Suho’s face instead.  He shouldn’t have dared to love someone he could never have.  Wondering, he ran his thumb over Suho’s lower lip.  Looking pained and ecstatic, Suho whimpered, pulling on his shirt.  “So handsome,” he murmured, and when he tipped Suho’s chin up, Suho made a blissful, breathy noise, lashes drifting down to half-mast.  Amazed by the gift of Suho’s desire for him and trust in him, amazed that the universe had planted Suho here in his life at all, he drank Suho in.  “Can you really want me so much?”

            Closing his eyes, Suho tilted his head forward, rubbing his face against Sunggyu’s.  His skin was soft and hot, and he pulled on Sunggyu’s shirt again, biting into his lower lip.  “I need you.”  His usually smooth voice caught on a quick, hungry breath, and he opened his eyes, staring at Sunggyu with so much direct, unashamed lust, Sunggyu’s cock responded urgently, starting to fill.  “I need you to fuck me,” he said, and he kissed Sunggyu.

            The second that Suho pressed his lips to Sunggyu’s, he knew that he’d done the right thing.  He was so turned on and so in love, he felt like the luckiest guy in the world, to be there in that moment, kissing Sunggyu.

            He needed this, god, he needed it so badly.  Moaning, he fell back, and Sunggyu was right with him, pushing him down against the pillows and running a hand under his shirt.  Being on his back under Sunggyu was pure fantasy, and feeling Sunggyu’s hot hand stroking over his bare side made him shudder.  Pleasure burned between his thighs, and he kissed Sunggyu faster, moaning again, feeling like he couldn’t get enough.

            Mmm, Money-ah,” Sunggyu murmured, rubbing his side, his stomach, making his whole body writhe.  Fuck, it felt so good to be touched, he groaned, sucking on Sunggyu’s lower lip.  Sunggyu’s hand slid right over his groin, cupping him, and the pressure on his cock made him cry out.  He was so turned on that he wanted Sunggyu to keep touching him there, right there, until this incredible, electric pleasure took over.  But Sunggyu’s hand kept going, between his thighs and back, rubbing over his balls and then cupping his ass.

            Ooohhhh, fuck, yes,” he moaned, shuddering in Sunggyu’s hold.  He needed to be fucked so, so badly that when Sunggyu gave his ass an encouraging squeeze, he bucked, gasping.  “God, hyung.”

            “It’s like that?” Sunggyu asked, a soft murmur, sounding proud of him.  “It’s all right, Money-ah, hyung has what you need.”

            He couldn’t stand having so much fabric between his body and Sunggyu’s.  He wasn’t bold enough to yank off Sunggyu’s clothes, but he hurriedly stripped out of his own, pulling off his shirt and wriggling out of his jeans, his underwear.  As soon as he was naked, Sunggyu’s hands were on him, stroking possessively over his body.  Groaning, reveling in it, he arched, rubbing his cock.  Ooohh, please, hyung.”

            Sunggyu’s mouth covered his, and he kissed back gratefully, hungry for more.  God, the way Sunggyu kissed, so assertive, so intimate, arousal was shuddering in his veins.  “I knew you’d be this handsome all over.”  Sunggyu stroked his chest, his thighs, thumb rubbing over his pelvic bone until the sensation sent wicked pulses of pleasure straight to his cock and he moaned, undulating, thrusting his tongue into Sunggyu’s mouth.  “Let hyung see you from behind now.”

            Eager for it, he rolled over.  Arching his back, he shoved his ass towards Sunggyu, still pulling on his cock.  Sunggyu’s hand took hold of him, curving over his ass, gripping him firmly enough that he groaned, loving it.  He felt like Sunggyu was taking command of him, and he squirmed, turned on.  Squeezing his ass, Sunggyu nuzzled the back of his neck, sending pleasure tingling down his spine and up into his brain.  Ahhhh, yes, hyung.”  Spreading his knees, he rocked in Sunggyu’s hold, groaning.

            “Just like I expected,” Sunggyu murmured, soft and right in his ear, so close, so intimate, he whimpered.  “It’s as pretty as the rest of you.”  Long, agile fingers stroked his cleft, sending pleasure vibrating through him with every touch.  Oh, god, that felt good, yes, yes, he needed more of this, more attention on his ass.  “What should hyung do to it?”

            He was Sunggyu’s now, and hyung was in control.  “Whatever you want.  Oh, oh, god, hyung,” he moaned, jacking himself while Sunggyu’s fingers teased his cleft.  “I’m yours, it’s yours, please.”

            “You brought over such a nice dinner,” Sunggyu mused, nuzzling behind his ear and kissing the back of his neck.  It was such sweet, affectionate attention, he couldn’t separate his lust from his love, and his emotional yearning was as strong as his desire.  “But hyung wants dessert.”

            Whimpering, Suho could hardly believe it.  “Yes, yes.”  It was too much, too far, but his body rejoiced, and he squirmed, trying to crawl higher up the bed to give Sunggyu his ass.  “Please, hyung, do it.”

            “That’s the kind of attention you like?”

Soft kisses trailed between his shoulders, dotting his skin.  Each delicate kiss was another charm, drawing him deeper under Sunggyu’s romantic spell.  “I like everything,” he confessed.  Sunggyu kissed the small of his back, and the farther south Sunggyu went, the more urgently his anticipation rose.  “I trust you.”  He didn’t know a better way to express how much he wanted this and how completely he was putting himself in Sunggyu’s hands.  He wasn’t worried, wasn’t second-guessing anything; he was ready for whatever happened.

“Hyung will take good care of you,” Sunggyu promised him, stroking his waist.  Feeling Sunggyu’s fingers glide down his cleft, he closed his eyes, desperate for what was about to come.  “I love you,” Sunggyu whispered, and then he felt the wet stroke of a tongue at his hole.

Oohh-hh-oohhh, oh, ouhh!”  For blissful minutes, the tender caress of Sunggyu’s tongue was all he knew.  Erotic pleasure was a steady tingle radiating out from where Sunggyu licked him.  The sweet stimulation was arousing enough, but it turned him on even more to know that Sunggyu wanted him this way, that Sunggyu would so readily commit this carnal act.

Then Sunggyu gripped his hips, pulling him back.  The sudden movement was accompanied by a bright jolt of pleasure, and he cried out, his hand speeding up on his cock.  Sunggyu was sucking on him, sucking hard, tongue flicking and fucking.  Groaning, he arched his back, trying to give Sunggyu more of himself.  Sunggyu was playing with him, stroking his perineum and rolling his balls, and the sensual touch was a seductive compliment to the wicked pleasure of Sunggyu’s mouth.  “Hyung, uuunnnhh, oh, more, more.”

            Mmm.”  Sunggyu’s tongue snaked into him, wet and bold.  “Hyung knew that you’d be delicious.”

            “Oh, oh, god,” he moaned, shuddering.  The more Sunggyu rimmed him, the more he needed it.  Sunggyu’s wandering caresses had him squirming all over the bed.  Sunggyu stroked his thighs, fondled his balls, and massaged his ass until he was begging, “Fuck me, please, fuck me.”

            Mmm.”  Sunggyu gave his exposed hole one last kiss, then gave his ass a firm squeeze.  “Hyung wants to make sure that everything feels good.”

            “It does, it does.”  Craving penetration, he buried his face in the pillows and reached back with both hands, holding himself open.

            “Ah.”  Sunggyu’s fingers trailed over him, tenderly rubbing over his puckered asshole.  “Is this what paradise looks like?”  The too-light touch was a vicious tease, and he bit at the pillowcase, rolling his hips, trying to entice Sunggyu inside.  The way Sunggyu touched him and talked about him, calling him “paradise” and “delicious,” enjoying him so much, made him feel wanted, made him feel sexy.  His attraction to Sunggyu was so intense, Sunggyu’s flirtation and attention captivated him, made him feel like this was special for Sunggyu, too.  Mmm, let’s open paradise up.”

            Realizing what that meant, Suho hurriedly let go of himself, bracing a hand on the bed, head popping up.  He stared as one confident, smooth hand reached past him and picked up the black bottle of lube.  The bottle that fascinated him, that haunted him, Sunggyu was using it.  Sunggyu was going to use that lube on him.  Breathing hard, making low, urgent, “rrmmmrr” noises, he turned his head, looking over his shoulder, tracking the bottle.

            Deftly, Sunggyu poured lube onto his fingers.  He lowered his hand to Suho’s ass, and then he was easing inside.

Pleasure struck in a searing flash, and Suho groaned, eyes closing, back arching.  Oh, “Ooooohhh, fuck, y-y-y-yessss, oh.”  Molten ecstasy poured through Suho, burning between his legs, intensifying with every stroke of Sunggyu’s fingers.  It was a slow, expert fuck, Sunggyu delving deeper and deeper, spreading him wider and wider.  One finger, and then two, and then three, Sunggyu drawing it out and letting him savor every magnificent sensation.  Moving in time with the hot bursts of pleasure, he rocked his hips.

“You like it?” Sunggyu asked, hitting that hot, perfect spot over and over again.  Sunggyu’s unerring precision made him feel like he was in experienced hands, like he could let go and trust Sunggyu to see this through.

            “Yes, yes, that’s it,” he moaned.  “Oh, oh-oh-oh, yes.”

            Mmm, hyung likes it, too.”  Steadily fingering him, stretching him open, Sunggyu kissed the curve of his ass.  He felt soft kisses wind a seductive trail across his ass, and then Sunggyu licked downward, tongue flicking a path to his thigh.  He whimpered, shuddering, overwhelmed by erotic sensation.  The meandering kisses continued, Sunggyu’s mouth touring his ass, his thighs, the sensitive bend of each knee.  It was intimate and sensual, a contrast with the much more explicit fucking, and he didn’t just feel wanted, he felt adored.  He felt loved.

            Sunggyu really loved him.  His body was in such a carnal fever, he could hardly distinguish the sudden pounding of his heart from the deep throbbing of his cock, but it was really sinking in, now.  Sunggyu was in love with him.  “Hyung.”  His voice shook, the word coming out stunned and yearning.  “Hyung.”

            Humming, Sunggyu kissed up from the small of his back.  “Handsome guardian.”

            He felt Sunggyu against his back, felt soft cotton brush his bare skin.  Wanting to be more intimate than that, wanting Sunggyu to be naked against him, he reached back, pulling on a handful of fabric.

            Sunggyu kissed upward, licking his spine, nibbling at his ribcage until he shuddered.  “My beautiful dongsaeng,” Sunggyu whispered, kissing his shoulder.  Sunggyu’s voice was so close to his ear that he twisted, wanting to turn around, wanting to be face-to-face.  “Are you ready for hyung now?”

            “God, yes,” he moaned, trying to rock against Sunggyu’s hand and arch into Sunggyu’s kisses and pull off Sunggyu’s clothes all at once.  “I need it.”

Sunggyu’s fingers slipped out of him, and then Sunggyu’s hands were on his body, guiding him over, stroking and supporting him in a smooth roll, until he was on his back and gazing up at Sunggyu’s face.

            He felt like he’d never been greeted by a more proud, intimate smile.  “Pretty Money-ah,” Sunggyu said, glittering eyes full of approval and desire.  Groaning incoherently, he reached for Sunggyu’s handsome face, caressing Sunggyu’s cheeks and pulling Sunggyu down to him for a long, deep kiss.

            He needed to get Sunggyu’s shirt off, but he couldn’t take his mouth away from Sunggyu’s long enough to accomplish anything.  Sunggyu’s desire was intoxicating, and Sunggyu’s deep, luxurious kisses made him fever-hot, and Sunggyu was petting him, stroking him, caressing his thighs and thumbing his nipples and cupping his face.  When Sunggyu’s hand landed on his cock, he undulated, too turned on to take it, gasping in erotic shock.  Driven now, he wrestled Sunggyu’s shirt off.

            Right back in his arms, Sunggyu kissed him, tongue thrusting into his mouth.  Feeling Sunggyu’s bare skin against his was so intimate, he savored it, and he squirmed on purpose, wrapping his arms around Sunggyu and rubbing himself against Sunggyu’s body.  He was so attracted to Sunggyu, he loved Sunggyu’s build, and he ran his hands over and over Sunggyu’s torso.  He’d longed to touch Sunggyu so intensely, now that he finally could, he couldn’t get enough, and he rubbed Sunggyu’s chest, traced the lines of Sunggyu’s back, measured the breadth of those perfectly square shoulders.

            The more their bodies connected, the more aware he was of where they weren’t connecting.  Wanting to feel Sunggyu against him completely, he squeezed Sunggyu’s ass, trying to pull Sunggyu down between his thighs.  Sunggyu moved with him, and when Sunggyu rocked against him, sensation flooded him.  He felt the solidity of Sunggyu’s body, felt the soft cotton of Sunggyu’s sweatpants, felt the hard rod of Sunggyu’s erection, felt a wild streak of ecstasy.  Turned on, groaning, he tried to wrap himself around Sunggyu and pull Sunggyu’s pants down and grind himself against Sunggyu’s cock all at once.  “Ah, fuck, hyung,” he moaned against Sunggyu’s mouth.

            Sunggyu pinched his nipple and kissed his neck.  Then, finally, Sunggyu finished undressing, shedding pants and underwear.

Breath catching, Suho stared at his erection.  Oh, god.  Oh, oh god.

A quick pump of the bottle, and Sunggyu was slicking himself up.  Lubing that long, wide shaft, an expert flick of the thumb smearing lube across the fat, reddened head.  Holy fuck, it was such a big, sexy erection, Suho felt riveted.  It was impossible to look away.

Hand falling away from that magnificent cock like it was nothing, Sunggyu leaned over him, kissing him again.  His kiss was both desperate and distracted; he gripped Sunggyu’s sides, arching to rub himself against that cock, hungry to feel it against himself.  “Hyung needs to be inside you now, Money-ah.  You need it, too, right?  I understand.”  Sunggyu stroked his thigh, guiding his knee up.  “Let hyung in, Money-ah, let me in where it’s hot and pink and wet.”

“Fuck me, yes, fuck me,” he panted, hugging his thigh.  “Fu-u-uhh-ohhhh, oooohhh, oh, oh, ah!”  Digging his nails into Sunggyu’s back, he cried out.  That incredible cock didn’t feel any smaller than it looked.  “Oh, oh god, oh, s-s-s-sunbae.”  Gasping as Sunggyu pressed deeper, he squeezed his eyes shut, his nails raking down Sunggyu’s arm.  “Oh, yes, yes, god.”

“Say it, Money-ah, it’s okay to say it,” Sunggyu murmured, nudging deeper and deeper into him.

He shuddered, loving the delicious ache as his body stretched around Sunggyu’s hard bulk.  “Big, oh, god, it’s so big.”  Straining, he groaned, squirming, relishing the sensation of being so completely full of cock.  “You’re so big, sunbae, rrrmmmmm.”  Sunggyu shifted inside of him, thrusting gently, and pleasure exploded in him, shaking him.  Ooohh, ah!  Oohhhmmm, oh.  Love it, I love it, I love your huge cock,” he panted, clutching at Sunggyu’s ass, wanting more.

“Feel how hard it is?”  Rocking into him, creating a slow, steady rhythm, Sunggyu filled him over and over, erection sliding deep.  “That’s all for you, dongsaeng-ah, that’s how much you turn your boyfriend on.”

“Boyfriend,” he moaned, savoring it.  Pleasure spread through him, every thrust creating a new burst.  Digging his fingers in, he tried to pull Sunggyu deeper, eager for more.

Mmm, I didn’t think that you could get any prettier,” Sunggyu said, stroking his side.  “But you look so handsome, squirming around on my cock.”

The words embarrassed him; he knew that he was desperate for it, and he didn’t need Sunggyu drawing attention to it.  But it turned him on, too, and he kept writhing, reveling in sexual ecstasy and keenly aware of Sunggyu’s hot, intense gaze.  Sunggyu watched him with sharp, devouring eyes, lips parted, hips rolling in steady, pounding thrusts.  The way Sunggyu’s hands stroked over him, teasing his nipples, rubbing his thighs, coaxing his back into a deeper arch, made him feel like Sunggyu understood every part of him, made him feel open and known with nothing to hide.  All of those seductive caresses added to his pleasure, added layers of intimacy and sensuality to his carnal ecstasy.  He was desired, he was loved; love flowed through him, pumped into him with every thrust.

Staring up into Sunggyu’s face, he ran his fingertips over Sunggyu’s eyebrows, his thumbs over Sunggyu’s cheekbones.  “Hyung,” he panted.  Hyu-oohh, oh.”  Sunggyu shifted over him, angling deeper, leaning closer.  Cupping Sunggyu’s face, feeling Sunggyu’s breath on his lips, he moaned, hugging Sunggyu’s ribcage between his thighs.

“I love you,” Sunggyu whispered.  His long, straight lashes, his pink cheeks, his parted lips, Suho drank him in.  It seemed like an amazing gift to share this moment; it felt like the successive bursts of erotic bliss building in Suho’s body were only an extension of the love and passion burning between them.  “Thank you, Money-ah.  Thank you for letting hyung be with you like this.”

Sunggyu’s love, Sunggyu’s sincerity and humility and openness, rippled through him like ecstasy.  Staring into Sunggyu’s eyes, he felt transformed.  “Hyung,” he said, captivated, dragging Sunggyu to his mouth for a kiss.  Basking in emotion and sensation, as primal pleasures and sexual urges blended with intensifying love, he moaned.  Sunggyu’s tongue caressed his as Sunggyu’s hand stole over his cock, and every stroke of Sunggyu’s tongue, Sunggyu’s hand, Sunggyu’s erection, sent him higher.  “I love you,” he panted, reveling in it.  “Ooh, uh, ohh-hh, hyung.”

Kissing his neck, nuzzling under his jaw, Sunggyu wasn’t just fondling his cock but jacking it, working him in confident, encouraging pulls that lit him up.  The rhythm matched the pace of Sunggyu’s thrusts so perfectly, the beat enthralled him, and he moaned in time with it.  He only had a moment to anticipate each lightning strike before it came, barely had time to breathe before the next wicked, glorious bolt.  “Sexy guardian, beautiful guardian,” Sunggyu whispered, licking his earlobe.

“Love me, lo-o-ove me,” he groaned, shuddering, carding his fingers through Sunggyu’s hair.  His heart felt full, and Sunggyu was driving him toward climax, and as he felt pleasure rise to the inevitable erotic crescendo, he welcomed it, dug his nails into Sunggyu’s back and let Sunggyu deliver him right into it.  Ooouuh, ooooh, ooh, god, I’m coming.”  Sunggyu thrust in deep, and Sunggyu’s thumb rubbed over just the right spot, and Sunggyu’s tongue flicked behind his earlobe, and orgasm exploded through him, brilliant and forceful.  “Ah!  Ooohh, oh-hoh-ah, oh, oh.”  His whole body tensed around one fierce, ecstatic spasm after another.  “Ah, unh, fuck!”  Gasping, he still gripped Sunggyu, unable to let go just yet.  Oh, god, he felt stunned.  Blissful and transcendent and stunned.

Sunggyu kissed his chin, then raised up a little, still rocking into him.  Panting, feeling radiant and exhausted, he gazed at Sunggyu with a sense of wonder and gratitude.  “God, hyung.”

Sunggyu grinned at him, a warm, teasing grin, fingers swiping across his neck and coming away wet.  Cum was streaked the whole way up Sunggyu’s chest, and puddled on his chest, and apparently on his neck, too.  He blushed, but he felt so good, he couldn’t summon the energy to be sorry.

Sunggyu rubbed his fingers together, then stuck one in his mouth, tasting.  Suho smiled at him, and he pulled his finger out with a wet pop, shrugging, his expression accepting.  Suho laughed, and then he kissed Suho, and Suho held him close, luxuriating in his deep kisses, feeling sexy and loved.  Nnnh, Money-ah.”  Sunggyu grunted, fucking him faster now, picking up the pace.  “Hyung needs to come now.”

“Yes.”  Running his fingers over Sunggyu’s forehead, along Sunggyu’s jaw, he stared attentively into Sunggyu’s face, not wanting to miss a thing.  “Yes, come in me, please.”

Sunggyu grunted again, squeezing his eyes shut, his features squinching in an adorable grimace.  He fucked Suho harder now, thrusting more forcefully, and Suho moaned, shivering against new pulses of pleasure.  At the sound of Suho’s breathy moan, his eyes opened again, his gaze fastening on Suho’s face.

“Come in me,” Suho said again.  Rubbing Sunggyu’s chest, he was rocked by each quick, powerful thrust.  He felt a strange, shimmering eagerness take over his body; he wanted Sunggyu to come, wanted it so badly that he ached.  “Please, hyung.”  Writhing, he tried to squirm down against Sunggyu’s cock; rubbing Sunggyu’s sides, he tried to pull Sunggyu closer.  Groaning, Sunggyu fucked him harder, giving him what he needed, and he moaned, letting Sunggyu hear his pleasure, letting his thrilled, noisy cries fill the room.  “Want you to come in me.”  Staring down at him, breathing hard, Sunggyu caressed his face, tilting his chin up, and he felt possessed, felt owned, felt completely Sunggyu’s.  “Want to be the place you blow your load,” he whispered, confessing to everything.  “Want to be the place you find ecstasy.”

“Yes, you,” Sunggyu panted.  “You’re where, it’s you.”  Kissing him, Sunggyu groaned, a stuttering sound, “Unh-hhh-hhnh,” and he felt Sunggyu tense against him.  Sunggyu was coming, and it was as fulfilling as his own climax.  Moaning in sympathy, he kissed back, long, loving kisses, until Sunggyu relaxed again.

So this was lovemaking.  He felt so amazingly, richly sated, he couldn’t shut up.  Whimpering happily, he rubbed his hands up and down Sunggyu’s back.  God, how soon could they do this again?

Caressing his cheek, Sunggyu smiled at him.  “It was okay?”

Okay?!  He’d never experienced anything like it.  Okay, he’d had experiences like it.  But that unique blend of love and sex, of primal carnality and romantic seduction, had turned him inside-out.  He’d never felt so close to anyone in his life.  “You.”  In the back of his mind he had some flickering understanding of why L sometimes felt more comfortable viewing it all as a performance that Sunggyu put on.  It was almost hard to believe that this had all been real, and honest, and genuinely meant.  “You really love me.”

Reaching down, Sunggyu popped his cock out.  He cast a brief, assessing glance down there, between Suho’s legs, and then he looked so proud and smug that Suho blushed, knees lowering.  “Well, you love me, too,” he pointed out.  Reaching over to the nightstand, he grabbed a cloth.

When he started wiping cum off of Suho’s neck, Suho blushed.  He was very considerate and gentle, taking care of Suho’s neck and the puddle on Suho’s chest before tending to himself.  “I love you,” Suho admitted.

“Good.”  Looking distinctly satisfied, he tossed the cloth aside.  He flopped onto his side, yawning, and Suho rolled toward him, wanting to be close.  He rubbed Suho’s hip lazily, palming Suho’s ass like he had every right to Suho’s body, and Suho studied him, wanting to know everything about him, the dusky rose of his nipples, the leanness of his thighs, the black thatch of his pubic hair.  With a self-conscious smile, he put a shy hand down, trying to cover himself.  “What are you looking at?  There’s nothing to see anymore, the show’s over now.”

“You’re so handsome.”  Suho wished that he’d realized how beautiful Sunggyu would be.  He should have known.

“Come on, you don’t have to say nice things just because we had sex.”

“I’m not saying nice things, I’m saying true things.”  Wanting Sunggyu to kiss him again, he ran his hand over Sunggyu’s shoulder and pressed his mouth to Sunggyu’s.  Sunggyu kissed him back immediately, and when he curled his leg over Sunggyu’s hip, Sunggyu pulled him closer, cupping his ass.  They rolled across the bed, and he felt not just happy but joyful, felt not just loved but secure, felt like he’d been right to do this, been right to fall in love, been right to trust Sunggyu from the start.

He ended up on his back again.  Breaking their kiss, Sunggyu gazed down at him, just breathing, just watching him.  He liked it; he wanted Sunggyu to see him here, to remember this.

Sunggyu kissed him again, then sat up.  Not wanting to go anywhere, he curled up on his side.  “You’re staying,” Sunggyu said, half a command, half a question.

He nodded.  “My members already guessed that I wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”

“Good.  Okay.”  Sunggyu kissed his hip, then got up.  “Just going to pee and things.”

“Okay.”  He watched Sunggyu pull on underwear and leave the room.  Sunggyu closed the door, pushed it open and peeked in at him, smiled, and left again.  Touched, he rolled over, then stretched out, wanting to enjoy just being there in Sunggyu’s bed.

There was so much to absorb, he let it all rotate through his mind in a marvelous jumble.  He’d just had fantastic sex.  Sunggyu was in love with him.  He had a boyfriend.  He’d confessed to his love and gotten the best result possible.  Sunggyu really was the spectacular lover that L had told him about.  He was going to get to sleep with Sunggyu all night.  He might even get to have sex again before he had to leave.

Hearing Sunggyu’s voice elsewhere in the dorm, he decided to get up.  He put on his underwear, and then his T-shirt.  He almost reached for his pants, but he wasn’t going out in actual public, and it was okay for Sunggyu’s members to see him like this, right?  Right.

The bathroom was empty.  He hesitated, but he locked the door, silently promising to be quick.  He used the toilet, and then he took a fast shower.  Everywhere his soap-slick fingers traveled was somewhere that Sunggyu had touched him, and remembering Sunggyu’s hands on him sent him into a kind of ecstatic trance.  Forgetting to hurry, he leaned against the shower wall, letting the hot water stream over him while vivid memories of Sunggyu’s confident, seductive touch warmed him from the inside.  It had been their first time together; how had Sunggyu known him so well, caressed him so expertly?  He’d never felt ecstasy surface in him like that, like Sunggyu had known exactly where to find it inside of him and how to bring it out.  God, he was in love with Sunggyu’s hands.  And Sunggyu’s mouth!  Blushing, he remembered himself, and he rushed through the rest of his shower.

He told himself that he just didn’t want to inconvenience Infinite by hogging the bathroom, but, really, he was eager to get back to Sunggyu.  Finger-combing his damp hair, he slipped out of the bathroom and went back to Sunggyu’s room.

Sunggyu wasn’t back yet.  Hearing a familiar pinging sound, he dug in his pants for his phone.  He had text messages.  There were a few nosy questions from EXO members, and then messages from Infinite.  Woohyun had sent winking smiley faces; Dongwoo had sent emojis of a thumbs-up and fireworks.  L had texted laughter, and then, “See!  I told you it was big!”

Horrified, he burst into laughter.  Hearing Sunggyu’s voice come nearer, he hurriedly shoved his phone back into his pants and hopped onto the bed.

“No, you can’t check on him,” Sunggyu told someone.  “There’s nothing to check on!  Go back to bed.  Ya!  Stop being nosy!”  Abruptly entering the room, Sunggyu jerked the door shut again, then locked it.  “Stay out!”

Suho was still so giddy that his embarrassment couldn’t really take hold.  He felt so good about everything that they’d just done, he couldn’t muster up any strong shame.  “They heard everything, didn’t they?”

“Ah, they’re just nosy.”  Sunggyu turned off the overhead light and crawled into bed.  Stretching out, he seemed to take up an awful lot of room.  Wanting nothing more than to curl up against his chest, Suho studied him, taking him in all over again, avidly memorizing the back of his wrist, the line of his nose, his lean, pale thighs.  “Always staring,” he grumbled, tugging on the hem of his underwear like anything could disguise the gorgeous bulge of his genitals.  “Lay down, you can’t sleep like that.”

He felt so giddy, so intoxicated, drunk on joy and love and sexual fulfillment, that he’d never be able to close his eyes.  He felt so deeply, richly sated, he felt like he’d sleep for a year.  Trying to move naturally, like he did this all of the time, he lay down.

“The whole way over there?”  Grasping his ass, Sunggyu scooped him forward.  Barely needing the encouragement, he closed the distance between them, not stopping until he met the solidity of Sunggyu’s body.  Inhaling, Sunggyu nuzzled his cheek.  He shivered, wrapping his arm around Sunggyu, thrilled by the unexpected intimacy, Sunggyu’s nose brushing his neck.  Was Sunggyu just going to take liberties with him now?  Sunggyu was that kind of hyung, hands-on, physical, grabbing and pushing.  “You smell like Dongwoo.”

For a second, he couldn’t make sense of that, and he had no idea if it was a compliment or a complaint.  Then he realized, “Oh, the shower.  Sorry, I didn’t know, I just picked up some soap.”

Mmm.  Use anybody’s, it doesn’t matter, they should learn to share.”

“Okay.”  He rubbed his forehead against Sunggyu’s chest.  “Sunbaenim?”  The word slipped out before he thought about it, and he bit his lip.  Shit, maybe Sehun was right; maybe it was a little sexy.  “Do you need to wear so many clothes?”

“Do you?” Sunggyu retorted, tugging on the seat of his underwear.

Well, no.  “Maybe I could take some off,” he admitted.

“You’re just going to call me ‘sunbae’ whenever you want, aren’t you?”

“You call me ‘Money’ whenever you want.”

“You’re expensive.”

“You’re my actual sunbae!”

Kissing him, Sunggyu nudged his underwear down, baring his ass.  Cozy warmth heated him up from the inside out, comfort and pleasure both.  Tugging his underwear down his thighs, Sunggyu said, “Hyung’s never had a boyfriend before.”  Warily, Sunggyu studied his face.  “I might make mistakes.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend, either.  But we’ve both had important relationships with people who are special to us.”  He pulled his shirt off, then kicked away his underwear.

“It bothers you that I call you ‘Young Money?’  You don’t like it?”

“I like it.”  He was so used to it, he thought that he’d miss it if Sunggyu stopped.  “It’s better than ‘tiny guardian leader.’  Why tiny?” he complained.  “What are you trying to say?”

“It’s not me!”  Sunggyu was undressing, right in front of him, and he stared, eagerly watching the casual unveiling.  God, so sexy, he couldn’t possibly keep his hands to himself.  Feeling happy and greedy, he splayed his hands over Sunggyu’s chest, rubbing.  Laughing, Sunggyu looked down, watching.  “It’s Sungyeol, he said it in Hong Kong.  What are you doing?”

            Hong Kong?  In the hotel?  “Why do you remember that?”  He remembered it, but Sungyeol had said it to him; why would Sunggyu recall something so trivial?

            “I remember everything about you.”  Sunggyu said it simply, like it was natural, like he should take it for granted.

            Amazed, he stared into Sunggyu’s eyes.  “How soon can we have sex again?”

            “Whenever you want.”  Sunggyu said that simply, too, like it was an obvious, pat answer; he said it like someone who’d spent years regularly keeping six horny, demanding dongsaengs satisfied and was very used to delivering on command.  Then he laughed, blushing a little.  “You don’t want it again!  Already?”

            “Well, would that be a bad thing?”

            Sunggyu smiled, then kissed him.  It was a sweet, affectionate kiss, an indescribable mix of tenderness and chastity, a way Sunggyu had never kissed him before, and he realized that he still had a lot to learn about this hyung.  He looked forward to all of it.  “Go to sleep for now, Money-ah.”  Sunggyu stroked his hair.  It was such a soothing, reassuring caress that his whole body relaxed, muscles loosening all across his back.  “Hyung will take care of everything in the morning.”

            “Okay.”  He was the dongsaeng here.  He was the one being kissed and held, the one being soothed.  Everything was in a capable hyung’s hands, but for once he wasn’t the capable hyung.  Someone else was, someone he could trust.  All he had to do was close his eyes and fall asleep.  God, it was freeing.  Immensely grateful, he gave himself over to it, flinging his arm around Sunggyu’s waist and burying his nose in Sunggyu’s chest.  “Night, hyung,” he mumbled, and he turned his brain off.  He didn’t think about tomorrow, or the last five things management had said to him, or whether he’d memorize his script in time.  He didn’t even worry about his members.  He just closed his eyes, and let Sunggyu rub his back, and fell asleep.

            “He’s not coming back tonight, is he?” Baekhyun asked, looking over at Suho’s empty bed.

            Chen rolled over in the other bed.  Mmm?” he asked sleepily.  “No.”

            Was this how it was going to be from then on?  Suho spending more and more nights away from them, leaving them on their own?  Suho hanging out at Infinite’s dorm instead of theirs?  First Changjo, and then L, and now this?  Suho was in love with that hyung.  “He’s going to neglect us, isn’t he?”

            “Neglect who?”  Chen sounded disbelieving and annoyed.  Aish, what are you talking about?  He’s our leader, isn’t he?  He does more for EXO than anybody.”

            “Not if he’s not here.”

            “What does he need to be here for right now?”

            “What if something happens?  What if there’s an emergency?  What if the building’s on fire?”

            “I don’t want him here while the building’s on fire!  I want him across town somewhere, away from it and safe!”

            Okay, maybe that been a bad example.  Baekhyun rolled onto his stomach, bunching his pillow under his chest.  His head on his hand, he made a face at Suho’s bed.  It looked so empty.  So abandoned.  The trailing covers seemed unbearably forlorn.

            “How long has it been since you got to sleep in your own bed?” Chen asked.  “Enjoy it for once.”

            “I’m not supposed to be in my bed,” he complained.  “I’m supposed to be in that bed.”

            Sitting up, Chen laughed.  “Is that what’s wrong with you?  You’re upset because it’s your turn tonight?”

            “It’s not only that,” he muttered, squirming.  Chen didn’t have to mock him for it!  “It’s been eight days.  No, nine!  By tomorrow it’ll be ten!”

            “What are you fussing about, anyway?” Chen asked.  He didn’t know why Chen was so cheerful and teasing; Chen was on day eight and should want it about as badly as he did.  “You only like tops anyway, right?  Suho hyung doesn’t even do that for you.”

            Now he was thinking about it, thinking about what he was missing out on, about what Suho did with him.  Turned on, he squirmed, grinding his cock against the bed.  “There are things that even bottoms are good at.”  He couldn’t help it, he moaned a little, wanting it, looking at Chen.  Remembering.  “It seems like there are some things that bottoms are best at.”

            Laughing, Chen got up.  “Flattering me?  If you’re this desperate for it, maybe we should call Suho hyung and tell him to come back.  There’s an emergency, his dongsaeng’s on fire.”

            As Chen neared his bed, he pretended to be annoyed.  “I thought you wanted to sleep in your own bed for once.”

            “I think this bed needs me more.”  Chen pulled the covers down, climbing over his back.  Moaning, he pushed a hand down, rubbing his hard-on through his underwear.  “Why is my best friend so horny all of the time?” Chen asked, rubbing his sides and pulling his shirt up.

            “Maybe because I’m around you all of the time,” he muttered a little too honestly.  Embarrassed, he winced; he hadn’t really meant to admit to that.

            Laughing, Chen squeezed his waist in both hands.  Byun Baekhyun!”

            “What?” he demanded, flustered, playing defensive.  “Do you have to be so sexy and confident and cheerful?”  That maybe wasn’t a terrific argument.  “Shut up,” he said, squirming around and flipping onto his back.  Chen looked happy and handsome, still laughing at him.  “You really don’t think that Suho hyung’s going to start spending all of his time with Sunggyu hyung?”

            Chen smiled at him like he was stupid but adorable, anyway.  “He’ll make some time for Sunggyu hyung,” Chen admitted, stretching out beside him, rubbing under his shirt, stroking his abs.  “But he’ll make time for us, too.  We’re too important to him.”

            “We’re his job.  And we’re annoying,” Baekhyun said.  “He should be grateful to get away from us.”

            “He’s probably grateful to get away from the other members,” Chen said, nodding.  “But not the two of us.  We’ve always been the ones he loves the most, anyway.”  Sighing, Chen rested his forehead against Baekhyun’s temple.  His hand was warm on Baekhyun’s skin.  “Suho hyung loves us.  No one’s grateful to get away from you.  He’d be more upset than anyone if he knew that you worried like this.”

            He swallowed, nodding.  Covering his hand on Chen’s stomach, he felt weird and emotional.  “Yeah.  I don’t know why I’m worried about it.”  Gosh, it was almost like he had abandonment issues, or something.  How could that have happened?  Clearing his throat, he squeezed Chen’s hand.  “If you get a boyfriend, too, I’m not staying in this room all by myself.  I’m going to start rooming with Chanyeol.”

            “Ah, boyfriends.  Who needs one of those?” Chen asked.  “I’m giving up on it.  You’re stuck with me for now.”

            He glanced at Chen.  “Can’t find anyone who wants you?”

            Laughing, Chen pinched him.

            Yawning, Sungjong shuffled into the bathroom.  Sungyeol was in there, peeing.  Sighing, he rubbed his eyes and waited.  “Is that hoobae still here?”

            “Probably.  His shoes are, anyway.”  Sungyeol tucked his cock away and stepped aside; Sungjong stumbled over to the bowl.  “He’s kind of loud, isn’t he?”

            “Kind of?”  Sungjong snorted.  “Fan chants are quieter.”

            “Why do you think  Is he really in love with Sunggyu hyung?”

            “Maybe.”  Sungjong flushed the toilet.

            “You don’t think he really is?”

            “I don’t know.”  He didn’t know Suho well enough to be sure.

            “I just…  He can have anybody he wants, I think.”

            Sungjong nodded.  If it were anyone else, he’d say they were fucking lucky to be with Sunggyu.  But Young Money?

            “Why didn’t he just stick with L?” Sungyeol asked.  “Or one of his own members?  Or someone in Shinee?”

            “He wants a hyung, doesn’t he?”

            “Yeah, so he could have Kim Jonghyun.  He could have anyone in Super Junior.  He could have fucking Choikang Changmin or U-know Yunho.  What the hell is he doing with our hyung?”

            Sungjong frowned, not liking the ugly suspicions crawling up in his mind.  “Maybe he likes slumming it.  Maybe it’s fun for him to be the prettiest, richest, most popular guy in the room.  Maybe that’s his game.”

            Sungyeol looked uncomfortable.  “Or maybe he’s really in love with Sunggyu hyung.”

            Sungjong snorted.  The more he thought about it, really, how likely was that?

            Sunggyu had a pretty dongsaeng in his bed.

            He wanted to go get Woohyun and point at Suho and brag and celebrate.  He couldn’t believe that he had a boyfriend.  What was he going to do with a boyfriend?  How was he going to make that work?  There was no way that Young Money was low-maintenance.  Well, he’d just try doing what he did with his members.  Not the berating and punishing; he wasn’t going to make Suho practice for hours or grab Suho by the throat.  No, the other things: making sure that they got fed, making sure that they shared their burdens, making sure that they got plenty of sex.  Emotional and sexual maintenance, a little physical care, phone calls and skinship.  He’d have to be patient, but he could do that.  Probably.  No, he definitely could.  He’d be a new Sunggyu.  Boyfriend-gyu.

            Feeling resolute, he watched Suho sleep.  He smiled; it wasn’t right for someone so sexy and handsome to be so awkward and adorable, too.  That sculpted, muscular body looked like something he’d dream up, but Suho was carelessly smushed against him, pouting.  Delicately, he rubbed his thumb over Suho’s lower lip, trying to tuck it in.

            Nnngh.”  A hand flailed meaninglessly.  “Dongsaeng-ah, let hyung sleep,” Suho mumbled.

            Ya!  Laughing, he prodded Suho’s ribcage.  “Who are you speaking informally to?  I’m hyung here, aren’t I?  I’m your sunbae.”

            Suho’s head jerked up and he stared at Sunggyu, wide-eyed and not breathing.  He blinked once, then warily stared around the room.  He looked like he was bracing himself.

            Sunggyu needed to know the truth.  “Having regrets?”

            “What?”  Suho shook his head, looking surprised.  “No, hyung, god, no.”  He glanced down, then yanked the sheet over himself, like Sunggyu hadn’t seen everything already.  “Last night.  We, ah.”  His expression was hopeful and unsure, and he rested a tentative hand on Sunggyu’s chest.  “Boyfriend?”

            “You still aren’t sure of me?  Hyung didn’t make it clear enough last night?”  Not liking that, he squeezed the side of Suho’s neck.  “Hyung loves you,” he said firmly.  “If you doubt it anymore, it’s an insult.  You don’t trust me to mean what I say?”

            “I trust you,” Suho said.

            He looked down at the sheet between their bodies.  “You need to hide from me?”

            For a second, Suho hesitated.  Then he flipped the sheet aside, baring himself again, letting Sunggyu see everything.  When he gazed into Sunggyu’s eyes, his expression was open.  “You don’t have any regrets?”

            Sunggyu kissed his relaxed, pink lips.  “Not about you.”

            Mmm, oooohhh.”  Making warm, breathy sounds, Suho coiled around him, kissing him like they had all morning to make love, grinding slowly against his cock.  Ooohhh, sunbaenim,” Suho moaned as he rubbed his way down Suho’s back.  “You make me feel so good.”

            “You felt good last night, right?”  Cupping Suho’s ass, massaging it with gentle squeezes, he kissed Suho deeply, not rushing it, not turning aggressive, flirting with Suho’s tongue.  “How do you want to feel good this morning?  What can hyung do for you?”  He wanted Suho to feel comfortable asking for things, especially when it came to sex.  He wasn’t used to being called “sunbaenim” in bed, but it was growing on him.

            “I, I need to.”  Shuddering against him, Suho panted softly.  Cupping Suho’s chin, he rubbed his thumb over Suho’s lips, watching Suho wince and grind against him.  The color in Suho’s cheeks and the way Suho finally, boldly met his eyes told him that this was important, and he knew that, for Suho’s sake, he’d agree to whatever it was.  “I have to put my mouth on something for a while.  It’s okay if you want to watch, but I have to, ah.”  Blushing, Suho licked his lips.  “I want to blow you.”

            He wanted to say that he could take care of himself later, that this morning was a time for Suho’s pleasure.  But he understood; this was Suho’s pleasure.  Smiling, he kissed Suho again.  “Do you like hyung’s cock that much?”

            Suho bit his lip.  “I’m glad that I knew how much I loved you before I saw your cock,” he admitted.  “Otherwise I might have to wonder about my motives.”

            Laughing, Sunggyu kissed him.  They did that for a while, because Sunggyu wanted to.  It felt good to kiss this pretty dongsaeng; it was a special treat to feel Suho’s hard, aroused body press and writhe against him.  He was glad that they’d said everything there was to say last night.  He was glad not to have to hold anything back for the sake of his pride.

            When Suho started groping his cock, he groaned.  They weren’t used to each other yet, and Suho’s touch was erratic, feeling him all over.  Oohhh, hyung.”  Suho stared down at him, fondling him, and he kissed Suho’s cheek, nuzzling down to Suho’s neck.  A tight grip around the base, eager rubbing all over the shaft, feathery little touches around the head.  Turned on, he nibbled on Suho’s ear.  “I want it so much.”

            “You’d better go get it, then,” Sunggyu said, kissing his neck and giving his ass another firm squeeze.  “Hyung’s not going to beg.”

            Pushing him onto his back, Suho slid right down there.  Up on his elbows, he watched, wanting to see everything.  Suho’s hand looked pale and confident wrapping around his wide, aching shaft.  Red lips parted, and Suho’s tongue snaked around the head.  It looked so wicked and so sexy that he moaned, an urgent, “Unh-hnnnhh,” sound.  Suho’s eyes flickered up, checking on him, and he dug his fingers into the bed.  “Lick it some more,” he ordered.

            Smiling, blushing, Suho looked down again, and then he licked it again.  Licked it a lot, up and down the shaft, tongue dragging wetly over his tight, sensitive skin.  Licked all over the head, tongue rubbing and caressing right where he needed it the most, making him groan.  Suho was a hard worker, dedicated, conscientious, and that pink, sinuous tongue wasn’t shy at all.

            Wanting to be closer, he sat up, and Suho glanced up again, making sure that everything was okay.  Burying his hand in Suho’s hair, he rubbed the soft strands between his fingers.  Moaning, Suho licked his erection again, and then Suho’s lips wrapped snugly around it.  Groaning, liking this development, he watched as Suho started sucking his cock.

            Things had been quiet before, just some licking and moaning, but now they were both getting into it.  Really into it.  He was groaning a lot, and Suho was making all kinds of noise, slurping and groaning and whimpering.  Suho was sucking hard, and he’d hoped that his new boyfriend would give him head a lot, but he hadn’t realized how enthusiastic Suho would be.  “That’s good, Money-ah,” he said, wanting to acknowledge and encourage all of this effort.  “Hyung likes it, I want to come like this.”  He rested his hand on top of Suho’s head, liking the contact but not wanting to direct the action, wanting this to go Suho’s way.

            Unnnhh, mmphh,” Suho moaned, swallowing Sunggyu’s cock over and over again.  His hips were rolling, humping the bed.  It wasn’t subtle, this-feels-good writhing, it was urgent, vigorous motion, fucking the mattress, his perky ass bouncing.  Unnnh, hyung.”  His lips were red and wet, slick with Sunggyu’s pre-cum.  They were stretched tightly around Sunggyu’s cock, a snug ring.  The fat head of Sunggyu’s erection kept making his cheek bulge, and his lashes kept fluttering, his eyes slipping shut and then opening again like he wanted to see.  Mmmph, mmmm, ooooh.”

            Sunggyu watched avidly, fascinated by this personal, erotic show.  He’d expected it to feel good, because it was a mouth on his cock, and that was a pretty reliable way to get off.  But Suho’s greedy enthusiasm had his cock throbbing energetically.  Shit, Suho looked too handsome with a big mouthful of his erection.  He’d never expected to see beautiful, expensive, polite Young Money blow him at all, and never like this.  Not so passionately, not so hungrily.  Not so happily.  “You make it look so delicious,” he said, staring as the pink ring of Suho’s lips slid up and down his shaft.  “Does it taste good, Money-ah?”

            Groaning, Suho sucked harder, head bobbing faster in Sunggyu’s lap.  His hips rocked quickly against the bed, driving his cock into the mattress, and then he gasped, shuddering hard.  He choked, coughing and moaning all at once.  Groaning helplessly, he raised his head, and then he coughed again, spitting up a thick wad of pre-cum right onto Sunggyu’s black pubes.  “Oh, god,” he moaned, diving back on.  He was undulating, writhing sinuously, the urgency gone from his body now, so Sunggyu was pretty sure that he’d just come.  He’d also gagged himself on Sunggyu’s cock, but Sunggyu would be nice and not laugh at him.

Petting Suho’s hair, Sunggyu grunted.  All of this tight, greedy suction was working; he was going to have to come soon.  “Pretty cocksucker,” he murmured, watching Suho whimper and slurp on his cock.  When he said it, Suho writhed.  Curious, he said, “Working so hard on hyung’s big cock,” and Suho groaned, undulating.  Liking the way Suho’s hips wriggled around, he tried it again.  “You look even more handsome gobbling up hyung’s cock.  I like seeing you like this.”

Hunmmm, mmmmph, mmm.”  Making fervent, eager sounds, Suho sucked harder, like Sunggyu’s words only fueled his enthusiasm.  His back arched, shoving his ass up, and he started jacking Sunggyu’s cock as he sucked.  Fuck, he wanted it now, he was working for that cream, and Sunggyu couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“That’s it, hyung likes it,” Sunggyu panted.  Pleasure flooded him, and he gasped.  Suho’s sucking mouth demanded his cum, and he delivered it, spurting heavily, coming hard.  “Fuck, oh, Money-ah.”  Not wanting to pull, he let go of Suho’s hair, gripping Suho’s shoulder instead, and Suho swallowed noisily.

Making wet, satisfied sounds, gurgling and purring, Suho nuzzled his thigh.  Catching his breath, he rubbed the back of Suho’s neck, and Suho’s face pressed to his hip, skin hot.  Damn, that had been good.  “Hyung came hard,” he said, smiling down at Suho, feeling proud.  “I think that I chose the right boyfriend.”

Mmm.”  Sighing, Suho rolled off of Sunggyu’s lap, sprawling out on his back.  His eyes were closed, his smile dreamy, cum smeared over his muscular chest.  “I chose well, too.”

Flattered, Sunggyu smiled foolishly.  He was glad that Suho liked him so much.  “We’re going to make this relationship work,” he decided, sure of it now.

“The two of us?”  Suho opened his eyes, smiling up at Sunggyu.  “We can do anything.”  Then he blushed and wiped at his mouth.  Grimacing, he dragged his hand over it, then sat up, looking down at his chest.  “Ugh.”

“You’re very messy,” Sunggyu observed.

“This is your fault,” he accused, wiping a smear of pre-cum from his chin.

“You’re the one who wanted to put your mouth on things.”  Tipping Suho’s chin up, he licked the corner of Suho’s mouth clean, then gave Suho a kiss.  “Go wash up.  We can’t go together, you’ll only distract me, and I think that you should go first.  You need it more.”

Suho kissed him again.  Then, making a dreamy, breathy sound, Suho licked at Sunggyu’s lower lip.  “Chose so well.”

            Suho felt amazing.  Energized and optimistic.  Clear-headed and powerful.  Everything was terrific and he could handle anything.  After he’d taken a quick shower, he decided to check on Sunggyu’s members.  He made sure that everyone was up and moving; he had to drag L out of bed.  He brewed coffee and poured cereal.  Woohyun, Hoya, and Sungjong were fine, but L kept wanting to ask him about last night and tease him about Sunggyu.  Sungyeol kept finding things to do, like checking e-mail instead of getting dressed.

Dongwoo was easily distracted, so Suho kept orbiting back to him, checking on him more often than the other members.  Suho tried to solve two problems at once by having L supervise Dongwoo, but that was an amateur’s mistake; when Suho came back to check on them two minutes later, they were already on top of each other, making out.

Sungjong didn’t seem thrilled to have him around.  Hoya seemed quiet, but he couldn’t put his finger on why that didn’t sit well with him.  When Sunggyu walked into the kitchen, he said, “There’s cereal, and-”

“It’s too early to eat,” Sunggyu said.

“If you don’t want cereal, there are some leftovers from last night, I can warm something up.”

“It’s too early to eat,” Sunggyu repeated.

“You have a long day ahead of you, you’ll need energy.”  When Sunggyu just gave him a flat stare, he said, “You have to eat something,” in the patient, firm tone he used on Xiumin.

“I don’t have time.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Only a few minutes.  I have other things to do.”

“You look ready,” he said, getting a bowl and opening the cereal box.

“I don’t have my earrings on yet.”

“How long will that take you?  You could be doing that now instead of talking.”

“Why should I eat cereal when I could be getting my cock sucked?” Sunggyu asked impatiently.  “I can eat later.”

It was very possible, judging from what Suho knew about Sunggyu, that he considered that a legitimate complaint.  So spoiled.  So oversexed.  “Maybe one of your members will do that for you while you eat,” Suho suggested, taking the milk from the fridge.

“I don’t even like this cereal,” Sunggyu complained, taking the bowl he handed over.

“Then eat quickly so it’ll be over soon.”  When Woohyun walked in, Suho smiled.  “Everyone’s ready to go?”

“Almost,” Woohyun said.  “L just found out that he might see Changjo at KBS later, and he decided he has to change.”

“I can’t find my earrings,” Sunggyu said.

“I don’t have them.”  Woohyun raised his voice and called, “Maknae!”  Then he asked, “Which ones?”

“The silver ones, they’re not a cross, it’s like an X.”

“Where’d you leave them?”

“I don’t know, they made me itch so I took them off.”

Woohyun laughed.  “Then don’t put them on again.”

“They look good.”

Sungjong walked in; Woohyun said, “Sunggyu hyung needs earrings.”  Sungjong walked out again.

“Silver!” Sunggyu called.  Then he took a big mouthful of cereal and chewed contentedly.

“So.”  Woohyun leaned comfortably against the island, smiling at Suho.  “How was the sex?”

Sunggyu made a face.  “Don’t ask him about that.”

“I’m glad that Sunggyu sunbaenim let me stay over,” Suho said.  Self-conscious now, he said, “I’ll go check on L.”

“Don’t run away.”  Sunggyu shouted, “L!  Hurry up!”  When L called back, “Yes, hyung!” he nodded, satisfied, and spooned up more cereal.  Chewing, he eyed Woohyun.

“We don’t have time for that,” Woohyun said, grinning.

Sunggyu shook his head, swallowing.  “Young Money said that I have time while I eat.”

“I think that it’s Hoya’s turn.”

Sunggyu chewed contemplatively, then nodded.  “Hoya!  Hyung has something for you!”

Oh, god.  Was that - - oh, god.  He’d known that things could be very matter-of-fact inside Infinite, but was that any way to ask for sex?  “I’ll check on L,” Suho said again, hurrying out of the room.  Trying his hardest not to think about what was happening in the kitchen, he talked L into getting dressed again, and then he talked to Sungyeol while he waited for Sunggyu to, uh, finish getting ready to go.  Finally, he heard, “Kids!”  The three of them hopped up, Suho moving as obediently as the other two, and filed out towards the front door.

While the others put on shoes, Sunggyu squeezed the side of Suho’s neck, exerting affectionate pressure and smiling.  “Call whenever you want.  Hyung’s always glad to hear from you.”

It was a little awkward in front of everyone, but not awkward enough to stop him.  He hugged Sunggyu.  “Thank you for everything.”

Mmm.”  Sunggyu cupped his chin and kissed him like it was the most natural thing in the world, like they’d always kissed good-bye.  “You go first.”

He stayed still for another moment, gazing into Sunggyu’s eyes.  He kind of got lost, forgetting that he was supposed to leave.  Sunggyu was smiling at him, a small, affectionate smile, intimate and fond, and Sunggyu’s love for him was so warm, he could have basked in it for hours.  Years.  He loved Sunggyu so much, every little moment with this hyung, every interaction, was important to him.  Every look, every word, it was all significant and precious, a memory to treasure.

Chuckling, Sunggyu kissed him again.  Sunggyu let him go more slowly this time, and he felt like he was drifting away, floating on air without Sunggyu to anchor him.  It wasn’t until he’d made a soft, dreamy sound that he remembered that there were other people in the room.

Clearing his throat, he glanced around.  Sungjong looked bored; Sungyeol was grinning; L looked proud of him.  Shooting everyone a polite, professional smile, he said, “Sunbaenim,” and left.  Walking away rapidly, he bit his lip, but he couldn’t contain his happiness, and he danced a little on his way to the elevator.

            When filming ended and they were back in the van, Sunggyu checked his phone.

            A text from Suho: Will it embarrass you if I sign up for your fan sites?

            A missed call and a text from Kai: Please call me.  Or is there a time that we can meet in person?

            He texted Suho: Ew, don’t do that.  Then he texted, Okay, but don’t let anybody know that it’s you.

            He reread Kai’s text, considering.  He didn’t have to answer this hoobae’s questions or satisfy this hoobae’s curiosity.  On the other hand, he didn’t want to cause problems and create unnecessary friction.  If this hoobae had appointed himself the guardian’s guardian, then maybe Sunggyu could be patient.  Once.

            “Ah, Sunggyu hyung,” L said from the backseat.  “Changjo wants to come over tonight and talk to you, okay?”

            Aw, shit.  “How many guardians does the guardian need?” he demanded.  “I’m not answering to some other team’s maknae, no.”

            “What does he want to talk about?” Sungyeol asked.

            “Suho hyung,” L said.

            His phone rang.  Annoyed, he asked, “What?”

            “Is this Infinite’s leader, Kim Sunggyu?”

            Ah, he wasn’t live on the radio or something, was he?  Shinee leader Onew?”

            “It’s been a while since we met,” Onew said.  “Have you eaten?”

            What…  No.  Hell, no.  Groaning, Sunggyu slouched in his seat, slumping against Dongwoo.  “Is this about that hoobae?”

            “Maybe we should talk,” Onew said.

            It was inevitable, wasn’t it?  He’d better do this, or who knew what would come next?  “Just you,” he insisted.  The last thing he needed was Leeteuk or someone checking up on him.  He had nightmarish visions of Kangta and Lee Soo Man bearing down on him, asking what his intentions were.  He understood that Suho was one of SM’s prizes, one of SM’s greatest assets, and they needed to be sure that he wouldn’t put them at risk.  He should be grateful that they were sending Onew after him, and not management.  Or maybe that would be next.  “I’m busy now, I’ll call you later.”

            “Okay.  Ah, should I congratulate you?”

            Aish, embarrassing.  “We’ll talk tomorrow,” he said, and hung up.  He glared at his phone, daring it to ring again, but it was smart enough to stay quiet.

            He wondered if he should get Changjo and Kai to meet him at the same time as Onew.  They could throw a party and interrogate him all at once.  But having to talk to Onew made him even less inclined to answer to anyone else.  He wasn’t responsible for the foolish nagging of a bunch of hoobaes and kids.  Onew, okay, Onew was a friend, and a sunbae he respected, and had business concerns; if he didn’t talk to Onew, management might decide that he was uncooperative and interfere.

            He wondered if all of these questions and meetings were necessary every time someone in EXO tried to date.  Probably not.  When other members dated, management would check in with Suho, and if Suho gave it the okay, everything would be settled; they’d trust Suho’s judgment.  But now Suho was the one involved, so management tapped the next guy up the ladder.

            Now all he had to worry about was what Onew’s intentions were.  Was this going to be a friendly conversation, reminding him to be careful and issuing a couple of vague threats?  Or was this going to be a warning: thanks for your intentions, but stay away from our product?

            He’d thought that Suho wouldn’t consider him good enough.  It hadn’t occurred to him to dwell on whether SM considered him good enough.

            In their eyes, was anyone good enough?  Not outside of the company.  But maybe they’d be lenient; maybe it would be worth it to them to keep EXO’s leader happy.  He didn’t know exactly how much freedom Suho had, but it seemed like a lot, considering all of the orgies that Suho orchestrated.  Maybe it would be okay.

            He had to see Onew soon, to clear this up.  He didn’t want this hanging over him.  But the longer he put it off, the longer he could hold onto this precious time when Suho was still his.

Series page: "Let's Love"

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Copyright September 13, 2015
by Matthew Haldeman-Time