Intentions

K-pop info and glossary 

Who’s who chart of idols

This story is part of a series.

I write about men having sex with other men.  You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction.  This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.



            Sungjong opened the door to see Kai standing there.  “Hi.”  No one had said anything about any EXO members coming over.

            “Hi.”  Kai smiled.  “Can I come in?”

            “Yeah.”  He let Kai in, and as he closed the door, he shouted, “Hyungs!  Kai’s here!”

            Toeing out of his shoes, Kai asked, “Is Sunggyu hyung here?”

            Smiling, Sungjong crossed his arms over his chest, tossing his head.  “You mean that you’re not here to see me?”

            Kai grinned.  “Is that okay?  You’re not going to forgive me?”

            “Maybe.”  He kissed Kai’s soft, sexy lips, and then he said, “Wait here.”  He walked through the dorm and knocked on Sunggyu’s door.  “Hyung.  Kai’s here.”

            “Kai who?” Woohyun called from the other side of the door.

            He sighed.  “I don’t know, come and see for yourself.  He wants to talk to Sunggyu hyung.”

            He heard Sunggyu complaining and Woohyun laughing, and eventually the door opened.  Pulling on sweatpants, Sunggyu scowled at him.  “What’s he doing here?  I don’t want to see him.  Who let him in?  No one asked for permission to have visitors.”

            “It’s just Kai, he’s close with all of us, he’s had sex with everybody on our team, I-”

            “Everybody?  He hasn’t had sex with me, don’t I count in ‘everybody?’  What about L, isn’t he part of ‘everybody?’  Everybody is only five people all of a sudden, the rest of us don’t count?”

            Sungjong wasn’t even going to waste his energy arguing.  “I’ll be in my room.  Tell him to come in and see me before you kick him out,” he said, and walked away.



            Kai waited by the door where Sungjong had left him.  After a while, Sunggyu walked out, frowning at him.  “What do you want?  I know what you want,” Sunggyu said, not giving him a chance to reply.  “I’m not going to answer a bunch of questions about Young Money.”

            “Do you ever call him by his name?” Kai wondered.

            “Which name?”  Okay, that was a fair question.  “Do you want me to call you Jongin, does that suddenly make us closer than if I call you Kai?”

            “No.  Kai’s okay.”

            “He doesn’t know that you’re here,” Sunggyu said.  “He can’t, he’d be too unhappy if he knew that you were being like this.  Going around behind his back, checking up on him, wouldn’t he hate it?  Then why are you doing it?”

            “I want to know more about the guy that my leader trusts so much.”

            “Okay, three questions, and then you can screw my maknae and leave.”

            “Only three?  Really?”

            “Does that count as one and two?”

            “No, no.”  He bit his lower lip, studying Sunggyu.  “How many other people have you felt about the way you feel about Suho hyung?”

            “None.”

            “Come on, if I only get three questions, you have to give longer answers than that.”

            “Two questions left, my maknae’s getting bored.”

            “What do you like the best about him?”

            “Besides how good-looking he is?  Because I like that a lot, it’s nice to have a good-looking dongsaeng for once.”  Sunggyu frowned thoughtfully, then nodded to himself.  “I like how stubborn he is.  It can be annoying, sometimes, when he can’t let go of an idea.  But it’s good, too.  He holds onto positive ideas about love, and he holds onto positive views of people, and he doesn’t give up.  It’s good, I like that.  He believes in people and he believes in good things and he believes in himself.”

            “Would you like him so much if he weren’t EXO’s Suho?  If he were a nobody from a company nobody had ever heard of?”

            “I might like him better,” Sunggyu admitted, scratching the side of his head.  “It’s a little bit annoying, the way things are.  But I’m proud of him.  EXO has had a lot of ups and downs, and he’s kept himself together and he’s kept the group together, no matter what.”

            “You-”

            “That’s three questions, that’s enough,” Sunggyu decided.  “My maknae’s waiting, go ahead.”

            Kai gave in.  He went to Sungjong’s room.  “Hey.”  He slowly drew the door shut.  “You want to mess around a little before I go?”

            “Okay.”  Sungjong gestured him closer, sitting down on the bed.

            “What’s going on with Suho hyung and Sunggyu hyung?” Kai asked.  “Does Sunggyu hyung really like him?”

            “Yes,” Sungjong said.  “But what’s up with your leader?  What’s he after?”

            It was an unexpected question.  Kai had doubts about Sunggyu, but he hadn’t realized that Infinite might have doubts about Suho.  “He’s in love, I think.”

            “Why?  Can’t he have anyone he wants?  What’s he doing here?”

            “Where else would he be instead?” Kai asked.

            “Whatever he’s into, looks, money, celebrity, he can get it somewhere else.  If he wants a hyung, he has a whole company full of them.  What’s he doing here?” Sungjong repeated.

            “Suho hyung isn’t that shallow.”

            “So it’s like being an idol,” Sungjong said.  “You can tell who the most talented members are, because they weren’t cast for their looks.  Suho hyung must really be in love, because otherwise he’d be with someone else.”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            “Or he likes slumming it.  He likes being the best, and he likes being acknowledged for it.  So he found himself a hyung who’s not as good-looking, not as rich, not as famous, and knows it.”

            Kai frowned, turned off.  “Suho hyung doesn’t think of things that way.  He’s not that kind of person.”

            “You’re sensitive about it,” Sungjong said, gaze flicking over him.  “You only want to think the best of your leader.”

            “I’ve known him for a long time.  I know what kind of guy he is, and he’s not cold and manipulative, like you’re saying.  He’s really happy about Sunggyu hyung, it’s important to him.”  Was something else going on?  “Why do you think that he can’t like Sunggyu hyung?  What’s so wrong with your leader that Suho hyung couldn’t really like him?”

            Sungjong pursed his lips, then said, “L hyung didn’t trust Suho hyung right from the start.  He didn’t like it, he thought that something had to be going on.  And then they became close, and they acted like they were in love, and suddenly Suho hyung couldn’t do anything wrong, and everything was great.  And then Suho hyung decided that L hyung wasn’t good enough anymore, and everything went wrong, one thing after another, it all blew up.  Now, L hyung and Suho hyung are close again, and everything’s great again, but I haven’t forgotten any of it.  And I know how Suho hyung’s body was off-limits, and ‘what’s private is private,’ and everybody acted like Suho hyung was some sacred virgin.  And now he’s jumping into bed with L hyung and Sunggyu hyung and I don’t know who else.  That’s part of it, too, I don’t know who else.  We don’t get to know anything about him.  What he’s into, who else he’s been with, what’s behind all of it.  Suho hyung gets to decide who knows what, and when, and he gets to set all of the rules, and he gets to jump back and forth whenever he feels like it - - EXO and Teen Top are close, now they’re not, Infinite and EXO are close, now they’re not, Suho hyung and L hyung are close, now they’re not, Suho hyung and Changjo are close, now they’re not.  Today, Sunggyu hyung and Suho hyung are close.  Maybe tomorrow, the rules will be different again.  I’m supposed to trust him with Sunggyu hyung’s heart?  I don’t even know him.”

            It all sounded like a mess, laid out like that.  “He does what he thinks is best for everybody.  Not only for himself, for everybody.  He did a lot of that to protect EXO, to protect our reputation.  It’s not selfish.  He never wanted to hurt anybody.”

            “L hyung forgave him,” Sungjong said.  “I didn’t.”



            Onew didn’t want to do this.  He didn’t look forward to having this conversation.  He didn’t even think that it was necessary.  When he’d okayed Key and Woohyun’s private relationship, both he and SM management had checked up not only on Woohyun but on Infinite as a whole, especially on the leader.  Onew and SM already knew everything it was possible to know about Sunggyu, and his personality, and his opinions, and his sex life.  Going through it all over again seemed unnecessary and embarrassing.  But that had been years ago, and now Suho was at stake, which meant that EXO was at stake.  So here Onew was, in Infinite’s dorm, about to interrogate Sunggyu again.

            The two of them went into Sunggyu’s room and sat down, Onew on the bed, Sunggyu on the desk chair.  Then Sunggyu said, “No, not like this,” and popped back up.  He tugged Onew up and sat on the edge of the bed, then guided Onew to stand in front of him.  “Like this, you have to put me in my place.”  Tucking his hands between his thighs, he looked up at Onew.  “Okay, better.  Now, ask.”

            Onew sighed, dragging his hand through his hair to get it out of his face.  “We already did this.”

            “But you want to be sure about me.”

            “I’m already sure about you.”  As much as he liked EXO and Suho, it was nothing compared to his love for Key.  Nothing was more important than Shinee.  He’d made very, very sure that he could trust Sunggyu, and he’d kept reaffirming that, the longer they knew each other.

            “I might put Money in a bad situation.”

            “Like what?”

            “I might - - what if I break his heart?  Or I might take advantage of him and ruin his reputation.  I could bring down all of EXO, that would be bad.”

            Onew wanted to laugh.  “Are you going to?”

            “No,” Sunggyu admitted.  “But you don’t know that.”

            It felt ridiculous, looming over him like this.  Onew sat beside him and patted his thigh.  “I think Suho will be okay.”

            “You haven’t even asked me what my intentions are.”

            All right.  “What are your intentions?”

            Sunggyu frowned like he didn’t actually have an answer to the question.  He thought it over for a second.  “I think that all I want is to keep loving him.  I want to be a good hyung to him and help him with things.  He has a lot on his shoulders, he needs someone to talk to, someone he can confide in, and I want to help him, I want to be someone who’s always there for him, someone he can count on.  I want to make him laugh and make him feel good, so he can relax sometimes.  I want to enjoy him while I can.”  He nodded to himself, then glanced at Onew.  “Are there contracts to sign?”

            Onew shook his head.  “Not this time.”

            “Don’t want things in writing?”

            “Not for this.”

            “Aren’t you going to warn me not to compromise his reputation, and threaten me with nasty consequences, and lecture me about sexual responsibility?”

            “No.”  Sunggyu had been in the industry long enough, and dealt with Shinee long enough, to know about all of that already.  And everyone in Infinite went to the clinic to be tested regularly, on a strict timetable, no matter what.

            Sunggyu laughed.  “Are we finished, then?  Interrogation over?  You used to be a lot more difficult than this.”

            “I know you already, this time,” Onew said.  “And if Suho likes you.”  He smiled.  “He can have some fun, it’s okay.  Even leaders can play, sometimes.”

            “You should learn how to play,” Sunggyu advised, nudging him.  “It’ll be good for you.  Find a sexy noona and take her out.”

            “I don’t have time for that.”  And, to be honest, “There isn’t anyone, anyway.”  He hadn’t met anyone who really held his interest.

            “Your members take care of you too well,” Sunggyu said.  “You don’t have to work for it anymore.”

            “Then is that why you went out and found Suho?” Onew asked, laughing.  “Your members stopped taking care of you and you had to go find it somewhere else?  I don’t think so.”

            “My members have never been good to me,” Sunggyu argued.  “Lazy, selfish, they make me do all of the work.”

            “Oh?”  Onew glanced at the door and called, “Dongsaeng-ah!  Members!  Your leader has something for you!”

            Gasping, protesting, Sunggyu pushed at him, trying to shush him.  “What do you know about that?  You don’t know anything about that!”

            “I know everything about that!” he argued, laughing.

            “That’s private!”

            There was a knock on the door, and a tentative hand pushed it open.  Sungyeol, L, and Dongwoo crowded into the doorway.  “Hyung?”  Gyu hyung?”  “Did you-”  “You wanted to see me?”



            Sunggyu crawled out of bed, yawning.  Pulling up the sheet, he solicitously tucked in his gorgeous, naked dongsaeng, just to amuse himself with what an attentive hyung he was.  He was about to leave the room when he remembered that they had guests.  So annoying.  Grumbling to himself about how much he suffered, he put on underwear before he left the room.

            He went to pee, and then he found where he’d left his phone.  He had text messages.  He ignored most of them, but he read the ones from Suho.  There was, “Hi!  Are you staying healthy?  Taking care of yourself?  Don’t be too hard on your members, it’s easy to be in a bad mood when the weather’s like this.”  Then there was, “I have some time off this week, maybe I could see you.”  After that was, “I’ve been thinking…a lot…about you and…about what we did and…”  Then, “Sorry!  I’m sorry about that, I pushed ‘send’ accidentally, that wasn’t supposed to happen.  It sounds funny, doesn’t it, but don’t think too much about it!”

            He wanted to laugh, but he felt bad, too.  Money had to be mortified, to be caught sending something like that.  Money was the one who lectured dongsaengs about sending compromising messages.  He was sure that Money had meant to type it and then delete it, to confess to things but never send it.

            He wasn’t used to having a boyfriend, but Money wasn’t, either.  He was pretty confident that Money was happy with him, but was probably nervous, too, and flustered about having had sex so suddenly with someone new.  He’d make sure that they saw each other soon.  The more often they were together, and the more often they had sex, and the more they got used to each other, the more confident Money would feel about it.  He texted back, “Stop writing nonsense and playing on your phone.  Come to visit me soon.”

            He went back to his room, pulled the door shut, and startled himself by suddenly noticing someone crouched on his bed.  Cursing, breathless, he looked for something to throw.  Teen Top’s Changjo was on his bed, watching Woohyun sleep, like some kind of creepy stalker.  And the sheet he’d so conscientiously draped over Woohyun’s naked body was now down around the waist.  “Get out!”

            “Oh, hyung.”  Changjo smiled innocently.  “You’re here.”

            “It’s my room.  It’s my dorm!  And that’s my lead vocal!”  He gestured vigorously, trying to shoo Changjo off of the bed.  “Up, up, get out.”

            Instead of getting up, Changjo sat down, pretending to be harmless.  “I thought that we could talk.”

            “There’s nothing to talk about.”  Was it about L?  Was something wrong with L?  “Talk about what?”  He couldn’t have this creepy kid roaming around the dorm at night.  L either had to send Changjo home without sleepovers, or start tying Changjo to the bed before going to sleep.

            “You don’t return calls?  You don’t check your texts?  You don’t bother to answer?”

            “What calls?  You never called me.”  He looked at his phone to prove it.  See, no missed calls from Changjo.  He had one from Suho, though.  Why hadn’t he seen that a minute ago?  There hadn’t been any notifications.  He glared at Changjo, advancing.  “Did you go through my phone?”

            “Too busy to answer?” Changjo asked, not flinching.  “Maybe it’s too hard to keep up with one dongsaeng when you’re so busy with another one.”

            He wasn’t playing this maknae’s games.  He wasn’t going to justify his actions or explain himself.  Woohyun was important to him, Suho was important to him, Infinite was important to him; he’d find a way to balance it all.  “I’d be surprised if you never missed your boyfriend’s text message while you were busy with one of your members.”

            “How do you feel about Suho hyung?  Is he special to you?  L hyung says that you’re in love.”

            “It’s none of your business.”

            “Can’t say it?  Is that because you’re too shy about how you feel?  Or is it because you’re not really in love and he doesn’t really matter to you?  Everybody knows how you feel about Woohyun hyung, that’s not a secret, why is this different?”

            Because he wasn’t explaining himself to some other group’s maknae, that was why.

            But if he didn’t satisfy Changjo, it would never end.  And Changjo was the kind of kid who’d cause problems.  And he didn’t want problems.  He didn’t want Suho to have problems, either.  If Changjo decided to help Suho, or protect Suho, by doing something to Sunggyu - - hell, anything might happen.  “What do I have to do, you want me to prove things?  Do I just have to tell you how I feel, or sign some paper, or do you want to see blood, what?”

            “Tell me that you love him,” Changjo said.  “Tell me you love him a lot, say you love him more than you’ve ever loved anybody else.”

            “I’m in love with Young Money.”  There.

            Changjo shook his head.  “That isn’t it.  Tell me that you love Suho hyung more than you’ve ever loved anybody else.”

            “I love Money more than I’ve ever loved anybody else.”  Even as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t right.  “Except my members.”  Okay, that was better.

            “Tell me how much you want him, how hot he is, how great he looks riding your cock.”

            What was wrong with this maknae?  “I’m not going to say things like that!”

            “Why not?  He’s not sexy to you?”

            “He-  Sunggyu cut himself off and gave Changjo a narrow look.  “You’re up to things.  He doesn’t want me to talk about him that way, and you know it.  What are you doing, trying to trap me?  Trying to catch me doing the wrong thing so you can go tell him what a jerk I am?”

            “No.  What are you going to do when he gets demanding and jealous and tells you to stop screwing Woohyun hyung so much?”

            “He’s not going to.”

            “What are you going to do when he comes over and wants to have sex with L hyung instead of with you?”

            His feelings might be a little hurt, but it was okay.  He’d console himself by screwing one of his members, instead.  “I don’t think it’ll kill me.”

            “What are you going to do when he finds someone better and dumps you?”

            “What do you think I’m going to say to that?” Sunggyu asked.  “I’ll be upset, I’m human.”

            “You’d at least get back at him, right?  For hurting you?”

            “What are you doing?” he asked.  “Why are you asking such obvious questions?  What do you want?  Or do you think that I’m so stupid I’ll tell you that I have secret plans to destroy EXO’s reputation if Money breaks my heart?”

            Changjo smiled like he’d said something funny.  “I’m just making conversation.”

            “Out, get out.”  He shooed Changjo off of his bed and out the door.  Changjo cooperated this time, and it was suddenly so easy to get rid of Changjo, he got suspicious.  “What are you up to?”

            “Nothing.”  Changjo glanced down, giving the front of his underpants a saucy look.  “Maybe-”

            “Go away,” he said, and firmly closed the door in Changjo’s face.  He locked it.  He set his phone by his bed so that he’d hear it in case Suho called, and then he crawled into bed.  He rolled onto his side and got comfortable.  Then he rolled onto his other side.  Smiling, he politely tucked Woohyun back in.  See, he was a good hyung.  He could look after all of his dongsaengs.  Even his newest one.  “I won’t call him now, he’s probably asleep, right?” he asked Woohyun.  “Right.”  He kissed Woohyun’s forehead, and then he snuggled in, tucking Woohyun under his chin.

            Making a sleepy sound, Woohyun snuggled closer.

            He petted Woohyun’s hair until he fell asleep.



            Changjo had asked L to invite him over the next time Suho came to visit, so he did.  The first time, Changjo couldn’t get away, but the second time, Changjo showed up.  Changjo actually got there first, before Suho.  While they were waiting, they started making out, and making out turned to sex, and L gave it to Changjo hard, god, it was incredible.  When it was over, he buried his face against Changjo’s chest, just rubbing himself against Changjo’s skin, breathing in Changjo’s musky scent.  He’d come so hard, and he loved Changjo so much, he didn’t know how to take it, he just had to live with it for a few minutes and try to recover.

            He was still clinging to Changjo a while later when he heard someone at the front door.  He rubbed his cheek against Changjo’s side and brushed slow, infatuated kisses across Changjo’s stomach.  It sounded like Suho.  He ran his hand over Changjo’s hip, kissing a line to Changjo’s pelvic bone.  Everything about Changjo captivated him.

            “Hyung?” Changjo asked, tugging at his hair.  “Can I get up?”

            “Later.”

            “I kind of need to see Suho hyung and Sunggyu hyung together.  And they’re not going to let me into the bedroom, so I have to go now.”

            He didn’t want to let Changjo go.  But if anyone else understood how unbearably precious Changjo was, it was Suho.  “I’ll come with you.”

            “You can’t, you’ll skew my results.”

            Amused by that, he blinked, raising his head and smiling.  “I’ll what?”

            “I’ll be quick,” Changjo promised, scooting out from under him and hopping up.

            He curled up on his side, watching Changjo get dressed.  “Don’t take too long.”  They never had enough time together.  God, Changjo was sexy.  He licked his lips, admiring Changjo’s gorgeous, taut body until it was covered up, then admiring the quick, graceful way Changjo moved.

            With a pleased smile, smug about being admired, Changjo leaned down and kissed him.  “I’ll come right back.”

            He would’ve said that he wouldn’t miss Changjo, but it would’ve been a lie.



            Changjo!  “Where’d you come from?” Suho asked, hugging him.

            “Get away, none of this is for you,” Sunggyu said, pulling plates and dishes closer to himself on the counter.

            Changjo grinned at Sunggyu.  “You mean the food, right?”

            “Yes, I-  Sunggyu cut himself off, glared at Changjo, and said, “You’re not funny.  And I don’t have trouble sharing things.”

            Embarrassed, Suho smiled.  So foolish.  “You’re visiting L?  I - - ah, I’ll give him privacy.  We’ll catch up later.”

            “What’s left to catch up about?” Sunggyu asked.  “All he ever does is talk to you, sit around on the phone with you, meet you places.”

            “Are you jealous?” Changjo asked.

            “Are you?” Sunggyu asked.  “Everyone thinks that your boyfriend’s dating EXO’s Suho.”

            “It’s cute,” Changjo said.  “Why is your kitchen so dirty?”

            “It’s not,” Sunggyu said.  “If it is, it’s the maknae’s fault.  It’s the maknae’s job to clean up.  Or don’t you know that?”

            It was kind of messy.  Suho looked around, wondering if he could do something about it.  In his own dorm, he never did the dishes, he hated it, but it was different, here.  Maybe he’d just tidy up the-

            “What are you doing?” Sunggyu asked.

            “Just clearing off the counter,” he said, stacking plates beside the sink.

            “You’re supposed to be here to see me, not to scrub things.”

            “I can do this while you eat, I have time.”

            “You can talk to me while Suho hyung’s busy,” Changjo said.  “Sorry, I mean, Young Money hyung.”

            “I don’t want to talk to you, what are we going to talk about?” Sunggyu asked.  “How’s kindergarten?  Have you gotten a lot of coloring done?  Stacked a lot of blocks lately?”

            “We had a big history lesson,” Changjo said.  “Tell me what the 80’s were really like, hyung.  Were the dinosaurs scary?”

            Biting his lip, Suho tried not to laugh out loud.  He carefully kept his back turned as he gathered up old cans.

            Sunggyu and Changjo bickered and teased each other for a while.  Then they relaxed into normal conversation, and Sunggyu fed Changjo a whole meal’s worth of food by hand, and Suho had time to load the dishwasher and wipe down the counters.  He still hated cleaning, but it was different, when it was his hyung’s kitchen.  He liked doing something nice for Sunggyu.

            When he washed his hands and rejoined them, Changjo said, “I’ll go.  L hyung probably misses me.”

            It was really nice, a treat, to spend time with Sunggyu and Changjo together.  It almost never happened.  “Let’s go out sometime, just the four of us.”

            “No,” Sunggyu said.

            “Sure,” Changjo said, giving Suho a quick squeeze.  “L hyung would like it.”

            When Changjo was gone, Sunggyu said, “He’s up to something.”

            “He’s not up to anything.”  Suho surveyed the clean countertops, proud of his work.  “It looks better now, right?”

            Sunggyu cupped his chin and kissed his cheek.  He blushed, thrilled, embarrassed, not used to that.  “I didn’t know that you knew how to pick up after yourself.”

            He grinned.  “Don’t give away my secret, or my members will start expecting it.”



            L was asleep when Changjo went back to him.  So predictable, so funny.  Changjo stripped down and crawled back in beside him.  Tapping his nose didn’t wake him up, and neither did whispering his name, but when Changjo started kissing his neck, he moaned dreamily and rolled over, wrapping Changjo up in his arms.

            “Who’d you think I was?” Changjo asked, curious.  “When you felt somebody in bed with you?  Who else kisses you awake?”

            “I knew it was you,” L said sleepily, nuzzling his cheek.  “My members kiss differently.”  Gradually, L’s eyes opened.  “How was it?  Did you get the results you wanted?”

            “I did.”  He slid his pinky finger into L’s mouth, and L licked at it.  “The other night, when I was in Sunggyu hyung’s room, Woohyun hyung was in there, too, sleeping on his bed.  I noticed that he kept looking at Woohyun hyung.  Like, Woohyun hyung was already asleep and not doing anything, and he was halfway covered up, and Sunggyu hyung’s already seen everything, anyway.  But Sunggyu hyung kept looking at him.  Like, checking on him.  Making sure that he was still there, or making sure that he was okay, or, I don’t know, just looking at him.”

            L was still mouthing his fingers, licking them, gnawing a little.

            “I’ve seen him do that with you, too.  And it’s funny, because I was only in my underwear that night, but he only checked me out once, when he walked in, and after that, he didn’t bother.  Like he took one good look at first, but then he’d seen whatever there was to see, and he didn’t need to look again.  But he couldn’t stop looking at Woohyun hyung.”

            Mmm.”

            He loved being L’s chew toy.  Watching L’s long, sexy, experienced tongue glide over his knuckles was really turning him on.  “Do you want to suck my cock?”

            Mmm, yes,” L said.  “But finish telling me this, first.”

            He’d make it quick.  “I wanted to see if Sunggyu hyung would look at Suho hyung that much, too.  And he does.  It wasn’t exactly the same.  Woohyun hyung was naked and Suho hyung was dressed, Woohyun hyung was asleep and Suho hyung was cleaning, but it-”

            “Who was cleaning?” L asked, blinking at him.

            He laughed.  “Suho hyung.  I know!  He does, sometimes, he’s done it at my dorm, too.”

            “You’re not lying to me,” L said, like he didn’t know how to compute this information.

            Changjo couldn’t spend long on this point; he wanted to get his cock in L’s mouth.  “He was cleaning, so he was at least doing something to look at, but it was boring and kind of gross, so Sunggyu hyung shouldn’t really have wanted to watch.  But Sunggyu hyung looked anyway.  And it seemed pretty much the same, roughly.  Just every couple of sentences, he’d glance.”

            L slowly rubbed Changjo’s hand between both of his, looking puzzled.  “He looks at me like that, too?”

            “Yeah.  Maybe it’s a leader thing, to make sure that all of his little kids are safe and not acting up?  Maybe it’s because he’s so in love with you that he can’t take his eyes off of you for too long?”

            L thought about it, and then he laughed.  “Why does it seem like both of those could be true?  It might be either way, I don’t know.”

            “But he does it for Suho hyung now, too.  So that’s good.”

            L smiled at him.  “Yeah.  That’s good.”  L leaned in and kissed him, right on the mouth, nice and slow.  He felt so sexy and so wanted, he kept kissing back, getting L to stay.  Mmm.”  Finally, L pulled back.  “You don’t have to worry about Sunggyu hyung.”

            “Of course you think that.  He’s your leader, you love him.  You trust him.”

            “Can’t you trust him, too?”

            Trust Sunggyu like he trusted C.A.P.?  No.  Trust Sunggyu like he trusted Ricky?  No.  But trust Sunggyu to look out for Suho?  He thought it over, because he wanted to give an answer that L would like, but he couldn’t lie.

            Suho trusted Sunggyu a lot.  L trusted Sunggyu a lot.  And he knew Sunggyu.  He’d known Sunggyu for years now, and he knew the kind of guy that Sunggyu was.

            Suho was important to him.  He couldn’t let just anybody be Suho’s boyfriend.

            But he knew how strict and protective and responsible Sunggyu was.  He knew the ways Sunggyu loved.  “Okay,” he decided.  “I’ll trust him with Suho hyung.  But they’d better stay together.”

            L eyed him with suspicion.  “Why’d you say it that way?”

            “Because.”  Wasn’t it obvious?  “If things get bad between them, you and I are going to end up on different sides.”

            L blinked.  Looking down, he breathed kind of hard for a minute.  When he met Changjo’s eyes again, he looked determined.  “I won’t go to war against you.  I can’t.”

            “What else do you think is going to happen?  Sunggyu hyung and Suho hyung, Dongwoo hyung and Chunji hyung, when they all start hurting each other, you and I are going to end up on opposite sides.”

            L frowned.  Chunji’s not worth going to war over.”

            “Not to you.”

            L bit his lip.

            He shouldn’t have brought it up.  He shouldn’t have said anything.  The two of them had this, now, they had this fantastic, amazing thing; he shouldn’t have pointed out that it couldn’t last.

            Inhaling, L put a hand on the back of his neck, staring into his eyes.  L’s expression was too intense, and the hand on his neck was squeezing too tightly.  “I love you.  I’m really, really in love with you.”  L’s voice shook.  “I won’t let you blow this up.”  Another inhalation; L’s chest heaved with it, and then he swallowed, still staring too fiercely into Changjo’s eyes.  “And I need you to promise me that you won’t let me fuck this up, either.  Not over that, not over what our members and hyungs do to each other.  This is us, it’s about us, it’s not about them.  You and I might get pissed off and defensive and angry and protective, and if - - when - - your goddamned visual fucks over Dongwoo hyung again, I’m going to want to kill him.  But don’t let me go too far.  Don’t let me kill this, too.”

            That was a big promise.  He wanted to ask L to tell him the part about being in love with him again.  “You’re going to have to let me pull you back.  You’re going to have to listen to me when I tell you to back off.”

            L blinked hard.  “Remind me that I asked you to.  Remind me of this conversation, remind me that I promised.  If you remind me, I’ll listen to you.”

            Maybe it would work.  “I’ll listen to you, too.”  He thought that L was someone who could get through to him when he wasn’t letting anyone else through.  Even if Suho was hurt and Chunji was crying, he’d let L slow him down.

            He couldn’t say, in that moment, how they’d make it work.  Teen Top came first; Teen Top always came first.  It wouldn’t even be an issue of choosing sides; the sides had already been chosen for them.  But L was L.  And he didn’t want to lose L, and lose everything that they had together, just because Suho and Sunggyu couldn’t keep their shit together.

            So when Suho and Sunggyu started hurting each other, he and L were going to have to rein themselves in.  Rein each other in.  And maybe that would mean not exacting complete revenge, which would be really hard, because Sunggyu would totally deserve it for crushing Suho’s heart.  But it would mean not losing L, so.  Yeah.  Sucking his cheeks in, he studied L for a second.  “Okay.  I promise that I’ll try.  I’ll try to keep the two of us together.  Even if it’s hard.”  He grabbed L’s hand, gripping it too tightly.  “I’m not freaking letting you fuck up things between us just because of Chunji hyung and Dongwoo hyung.  If you have to hate Chunji hyung, then hate him, but what’s more important?  Hating him or loving me?”

            Fire flashed in L’s eyes, but it faded as soon as it lit, and then he rubbed the back of Changjo’s neck, touching their foreheads together.  “Loving you.”  A tiny smile curved L’s mouth.  “Just remind me of that when Dongwoo hyung’s crying and I’m starting to lose my shit.”

            “I’ll remind you.”

            L hugged him, and for a minute they just held onto each other.  He was starting to believe that they might be able to survive their hyungs’ relationships.  He just had to remember, when he wanted to destroy the asshole who’d broken Suho’s heart, that the asshole was L’s leader.  And L would have to remember that the asshole who’d broken Dongwoo’s heart was his hyung.

            Normally L took a pretty dark view of relationships and thought that nothing could last forever.  But when it came to their relationship, L was willing to fight for it.  That really made him realize how much he meant to L.  And if L wanted to fight to keep them together, then he did, too.

            He hadn’t said it yet tonight, and he thought that he should.  “I love you,” he said against L’s shoulder.

            “Changjo-ah.”  L pulled back a little, smoothing Changjo’s hair.  His smile was watery but there were stars in his eyes.  “I promise that I won’t destroy Chunji’s whole life.  Just for you.”

            Changjo smiled.  “And I promise that I won’t tear Sunggyu hyung’s world apart, piece by piece.  Just for you.”

            L chuckled and kissed Changjo.  “I’d do anything for you,” he whispered, stroking Changjo’s temple.  “Anything you want.”  His voice was getting softer and softer.  “Anything to make you happy.  Anything to keep you with me.”

            L was so intense, he was a little scary, sometimes.  Changjo kissed him, to remind him that they were together, and everything was fine, and he didn’t have to get weird.  “I’ll do anything for you, too.”  He meant it.  “I-  He heard something.  Something he couldn’t believe he was hearing.  “What was that?”

            Mmm?”  L took a second, then smiled.  “Suho hyung.”

            Oh, god.  Oh, wow.  Hearing it again, Changjo laughed.  He sounded ecstatic.  It was definitely a sound that Changjo had heard before - - shit, Changjo had caused it before - - but, “Damn.  Does he know he’s this loud?”

            “You know he can’t help it.”

            Changjo had never heard Suho cry out for a hyung before.  Wow.

            “Turn the stereo on,” L said, nudging at him.  When he didn’t move, L laughed and tried to push him off of the bed.  “Do it!  He doesn’t want us to listen to this.”

            But he was saying things Changjo had never heard before.  “He-”

            Ya!”  L shoved harder.  “Do it!”

            He got up and turned on the stereo.  He turned it up loud enough to cover up all of Suho’s desperate pleading.  “I need to start screwing dongsaengs.  No one ever begs me and calls me hyung.”

            Mmm.”  Tugging him down onto the bed again, L crawled on top of him.  “Changjo-ah-”

            “No,” he said immediately.

            Laughing, L asked, “Why not?”

            “I’m not begging you!”

            L gave him a very sexy, soft, open look.  “I’ll beg you.”

            Oh, that one look, that one sentence, struck the right spot.  All of a sudden he felt breathless, his heart pounding, heat surging between his legs.  And because he couldn’t just let something good happen without angling for more, he said, “It doesn’t count if you don’t call me hyung.”

            L’s laugh was a sexy, warm chuckle, like everything felt good.  “Make me want it badly enough, and I’ll call you anything that you want.”

            God, he’d found the most amazing boyfriend ever.  “Let’s start now,” he said, pushing L over, sliding on top.

            “Not yet,” L said, rolling him over and getting right back on top of him.  “You said that I could blow you.”

            Not like he wanted to turn down a blowjob, but, “You don’t have to.”

            “I want to.”  L kissed him, tongue slipping between his lips, and when he felt L’s hand stroke over his cock, he groaned.  “Changjo-ah,” L breathed, fondling him.  God, it felt amazing.  He slicked his tongue against L’s, turned on, already aching, and L moaned, sucking at his tongue, rubbing his cock.  “I want you so much, all of the time, just like this,” L whispered.  The slow, steady stroke of L’s hand had him harder and harder with every touch, and he gripped L’s waist, trying to pull L’s body against his cock.  “Sometimes the only thing I want in the world, all I can imagine ever wanting, is you, and the way you move against me, and the way you sound, the way you feel, when you’re pushing into my mouth.”

            “God, hyung.”  He might never get used to L saying things like this to him.  But he’d been starting to learn what L needed in response.  “I’m right here, hyung, you can have me like that.  You can have me any way you want me, any time you want me.”  He ran his hands up and down L’s back, over L’s sides, reassuring them both, turning them both on.  L kept breaking off their kiss just to start again, greedy kisses, disjointed, needy, claiming him, over and over again.  “I’m here, I’m yours.”

            Jacking him slowly, working his shaft in long, slow strokes, L nuzzled against his face, mouthing his jaw, nuzzling his cheek.  “I’m yours and you’re mine,” L whispered into his hair, still jacking him, making him moan, his fingers digging into L’s back.  “I’m yours and you’re mine.”

            God, L mixed up love and sex too much, did things to his body and to his heart at the same time, put him in this intense, romantic-sexual place where every kiss felt like words of love and every whisper sounded like a mouth on his cock.  “I love you, I swear it, I love you.”

            L made a low, humming, “Mmm,” sound, and then made a horny, breathy, “Ooouuhh,” sound and slid down his body.  When L sucked down his cock, he groaned, his hips rolling, thrusting a little into L’s mouth, just a little, god, oh, it felt so good.  Moaning again, L just sucked harder.



Series page: "Let's Love"



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Copyright August 15, 2016
by Matthew Haldeman-Time