“I’m sorry, sunbae. I really wanted to see you tonight. It’s been a while.”
“Mmm.” It had been too long. Between Teen Top going overseas and EXO’s heavy promotions, and the last time Sehun had canceled at the last minute, L.Joe had gone too long without feeling Sehun tug on his collar. He’d been looking forward to tonight with a lot of anticipation and happiness, but with a huge sense of relief, too. He’d thought that he’d finally get what he needed, that Sehun would finally soothe all of this riotous need churning in him. Being with Sehun was cathartic; it set everything right again. In between visits, he got tense, jittery, needy. Desperate. Weird, he got weird, and he had trouble controlling it, and he hated it.
“We’ll reschedule, okay? We’ll hang out soon.”
“Do you want me to try to call later? Maybe we can talk a little.”
He shook his head like Sehun could see him. “No. It’s okay.” He craved the sound of Sehun’s voice, but he felt frustrated and, to be honest, kind of resentful. He didn’t want a phone call, he wanted a visit, in person, Sehun’s hand on his collar, Sehun’s cock in his face. If he couldn’t inhale and smell Sehun’s sweet musk, what was the point? “We’ll reschedule. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Bye, sunbae.”
“Mmm.” Hanging up, he sighed. Slumping in his seat, he let his legs sprawl out. Frowning at his phone, he wondered how long it would take before he saw Sehun again. He shuddered, his skin feeling itchy and tight. Shit, he was no good like this. Hopping up, he shoved his hands in his pockets. He’d go for a walk. Find something to distract himself with.
“You okay?” Niel asked on his way by.
“Yeah,” he said, ducking his head. “Just need a walk.” As he passed Chunji on the couch, he added, “No meeting tonight.”
“You’re kidding,” Chunji said.
Yeah. He wished.
Chunji had asked, “Bored already?” That had him puzzled, until he read what C.A.P. had sent.
Suho hyung told me that you’d take this commitment seriously. If you take your responsibilities so lightly, maybe I should take you lightly, too.
Was this a joke? He broke off one date, and all of a sudden L.Joe’s members were coming after him? Okay, it had been more than one, but this was between him and L.Joe, and L.Joe understood.
Did L.Joe not understand? Did his pet think that this was deliberate or personal? He’d never neglect his pet like this on purpose! He’d never break a date he didn’t have to! L.Joe knew that about him, they both understood how important and special this was.
He texted L.Joe first: How are you, sunbae? Have you eaten? The day seems even longer without something special to look forward to at the end of it.
Then he texted Chunji: Not bored, hyung. Too busy to be bored!
Then he clenched his teeth and texted back C.A.P. as politely as he could. I take it very seriously, hyung. My commitment to EXO has to come first, but my other commitments are important to me, too.
He’d barely set his phone down before it was pinging again with new messages.
Chunji: I hope that you’re not too busy to remember what matters. I didn’t think that you were a disrespectful hoobae or a careless dongsaeng, but maybe we’ve been too generous with you. Maybe EXO’s getting too busy for you to have any side projects or private hobbies. Maybe you don’t have time for those things anymore?
C.A.P.: Other commitments? How many do you have? Maybe it’s time to take one off of the list. It’s not good to make promises you can’t keep.
“Your face!” Kai said, laughing, prodding at his arm. “What are you reading? Anti-fans?”
Ugh. “Nothing,” he muttered. Chunji and C.A.P. had replied in seconds; L.Joe hadn’t said anything. Did L.Joe know what they were saying to him? Had there really been this big a misunderstanding? Didn’t L.Joe know anything about him?
He did take his responsibilities seriously. He’d signed up to take care of L.Joe, to be a good owner, and instead he felt neglectful. He hated it. He felt guilty every time he thought about L.Joe waiting for him. When he thought about L.Joe, it was like picturing a lost puppy in the rain, alone and miserable with sad eyes, faithfully waiting for an owner who never came.
But what could he do? He was busy, new schedules came up, things changed. He had no control over what his managers booked. He had no say in where he went or when. He was a very small part of a big group at a big company; he had to defer to others on where he went, what he wore, what he ate, and everything in between. And L.Joe knew that; L.Joe understood that as only another idol could.
“Maknae. Is everything okay?” Suho asked.
“He’s just pouting,” Chanyeol said.
“Aw, the little baby can’t see his L.Joe,” Baekhyun teased. “Aw, poor little baby, so sad!” Sehun clenched his jaw, wishing that he could respond but knowing that it would only get him in trouble.
“I’ll talk to C.A.P. about setting up something for next week,” Suho promised.
He was tempted to tell Suho not to bother. Thinking of C.A.P. and Chunji made him feel petulant and attacked and misunderstood. But then he thought of his pet. L.Joe needed him. L.Joe was waiting for him. Such an obedient pet; he couldn’t take his frustration out on his innocent pet. “Thanks, hyung.”
“Yeah, feels so good,” Changjo panted, driving into him.
It felt great, but it wasn’t enough. It was sex, but it wasn’t Sehun. Grimacing, L.Joe sought more sensations. He scratched his thighs, seeking pain. He covered his mouth with one hand, trying to deny himself. No, no good, none of this was right. Squirming, he wished that Changjo would just pin him down, hold him to the mattress and make him like it, throw him to the floor and force him to take it.
Their eyes met, and god, no, he couldn’t be that way with the maknae. Mortified, feeling adrift as the few options he had faded away from him, he whimpered, rubbing at his eyes. Changjo’s next thrust set off a thrilling, sparkling trail of pleasure, and he bit at his lip, conflicted, rubbing his cock. Maybe if he got off, that would help, that would be enough.
The fantasy of being forced was tempting, though, and he closed his eyes, imagining it. Imagining Sehun pushing his face to the rug while he gasped for air. Imagining Sehun slapping him across the ass, a punishing reminder to keep his hips elevated, his back arched. Imagining struggling to hold his pose while Sehun slammed into him, hard and swift. Imagining the rug harsh against his cheek and Sehun’s cock reaming him out while he begged for more.
“Ah, ah!” Pleasure spiked and he came, ecstasy and relief radiating through him. Clinging to his fantasy, he yanked on his cock, straining for a second hit.
“That’s it, there it is, keep it coming,” Changjo urged, rocking into him.
It felt good, it felt great, but it wasn’t enough. He needed more, more burn, more pressure, more intensity, more humiliation, more something. Groaning, he twisted under Changjo, hoping for a better angle, a sudden change, something, anything.
“What is it?” Changjo asked, still moving, still fucking. “Want to roll over? Want me to do something?”
Yes. No. He needed something, he had to have it, his body hurt without it, but not from the maknae, not like this. Grimacing, he twisted his nipple hard, trying to create a sensation sharp enough to get him over the edge. “Chunji, Chunji,” he panted, flailing a hand out.
“What?” Chunji asked. He was in his underwear, standing by the bed looking annoyed and impatient and completely ready to help in a way that only he could.
“Do something, I don’t care, just do something,” he moaned, squirming, frustrated, just wanting it to be over, wanting this struggle to end, wanting to feel good without it hurting like this.
“You’re not going to get weird and hate me later?” Chunji asked.
“Just do it, do it,” he panted, jerking on Changjo’s hips. “Ah, harder, maknae, fuck me harder.”
Chunji crawled beside him on the bed, stretching out. When Chunji’s mouth came close to his ear, he flinched away, having second thoughts about this, but Chunji’s hand gripped his chin, holding him in place. The sudden sensation of being forced, of the situation not being entirely in his control, sent a shock of awareness through him, intensity, pleasure, and he gasped, momentarily startled into submission. “You’ve got the maknae’s big cock plowing you raw, and that’s not enough for you?” Chunji whispered. He twisted away, whimpering, denying it, but Chunji yanked his face back, fingers spearing between his lips, forcing his mouth open. Panting, gasping for air, he tried to fight it, but Chunji crammed too many fingers in, overwhelming him, forcing his jaw wide. “Look at you, so fucked up, got this gorgeous guy boning your scrawny ass and it’s still not enough for you, still not good enough,” Chunji whispered. “So desperate for cock you’ve been hunting for it all day, begging for it all week, can’t ever get enough.” Whimpering, he tried to shake his head, to disagree, to dislodge Chunji, but he felt the scrape of Chunji’s nails over his tongue, and the small, unexpected pain made him gasp, his hips bucking excitedly. “Can’t get off without your precious Oh Sehun, can you? Dependent on him like a freaking drug addict. What if he saw you like this? Impaled on some other maknae’s big, hot cock, squirming around like a crack fiend, begging for more of it, begging for him to pound you harder, and it’s still not enough, you’re still wired up craving cock, cock, cock, cock up your ass, cock in your mouth, you freaky little cock-sucking ball-licking cum-slut. Ah-ah, try to keep your cool, try to keep it together,” Chunji whispered, fingers in his throat, choking him. “Don’t let Changjo see how bad it is, you don’t want everyone to know how fucking cum-crazy you are, do you?”
Snorting, gasping, trying to breathe, L.Joe whimpered helplessly. Chunji was gagging him, and he choked, coughed, wishing that Chunji’s fingers were a big, sexy cock easing down his throat. Chunji kept talking, whispering in his ear, saying things, nasty things, crude things, lewd and obscene and mortifyingly, deliciously true things, and he whined, choking, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to ignore it, to deny it, to pretend that it wasn’t true while Changjo’s hard, deep thrusts sent him higher and higher.
“Pin his wrists for me,” Chunji said, taking his hand out of L.Joe’s mouth.
Yes, yes, he needed - - wait, “No, no, no,” he said quickly, not ready for this, not with Changjo, no.
“Ignore that,” Chunji said.
Changjo was taking hold of his wrists and yes, fuck, fuck, “No, no! No! God, no, no,” he moaned, twisting, trying to pull himself free. Changjo was stronger than he was and he felt so helpless, god, no, he couldn’t take this, his cock was throbbing and pleasure was mounting higher and higher with every second and his hands were pinned above his head, “No, no, please, don’t,” he was going to come like this, he was going to get off on this, oh, god, he didn’t want it to be like this, he didn’t want this to be what felt so good.
“Shut up,” Chunji said carelessly, smacking him across the mouth. “If I cared what you wanted, I’d ask. Stop fighting it, you’ll traumatize the maknae.”
Moaning, he submitted, mewling helplessly as pleasure flooded him. With his hands caught, he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t masturbate, couldn’t control the action, so he wrapped his legs around Changjo’s waist, trying to trap Changjo inside, to force those swift, hard thrusts deeper. “Ah, ah, please,” he moaned, writhing, moving just enough against Changjo’s hold to relish his inability to escape.
Leaning over his chest, Chunji spat on him, and then sucked on his nipple. The first bite was quick and sharp, and he jerked on the bed with a startled cry of pain. Chunji immediately went back to sucking, hard, cruel sucking that didn’t relent, and it felt so good that he undulated, tossing his head, eager to come.
“Please, please,” he moaned, closing his eyes and welcoming pleasure, his body shaken by Changjo’s pounding thrusts, his legs tightening spasmodically, eagerly around Changjo’s hips. “Please, ow!” With another shocked cry, he tried to pull away, but he had nowhere to go. Shit, Chunji’s teeth were lethal. The suction felt amazing, but now that he’d been bitten twice, he expected it again, and he cringed, tense, waiting for pain.
Chunji started nibbling. Soft little nips, sharp little nibbles, alternating, tormenting him. Squirming, he tried to get away, squealing in protest and ecstasy. His flesh felt sore, tender, and he chanted Chunji’s name in broken whimpers as Changjo’s grip tightened on his wrists. The pain distracted him from the pleasure, enhanced the pleasure, sliced through the pleasure to bring him into a brighter world, somewhere more intense, more vibrant. Chunji worried his nipple between sharp, strong teeth, gnawing on it, biting at the skin around it, and as he rose through the stratosphere, he only wished that Chunji could chew on both nipples at once.
“Guess we can do whatever we want,” Chunji said. He spat on L.Joe’s other nipple, pinching it tightly and then twisting it until pain sizzled over L.Joe’s skin and he arched, crying out. “No one’s going to see the marks until the day after tomorrow. Oh Sehun’s not coming, so no one’s going to care what happens to you. We can fuck your trashy, slutty body all night and do whatever we want.” When he finally released L.Joe’s nipple, L.Joe collapsed, moaning, and he put his hand on L.Joe’s neck, lightly squeezing. “Hurry up and come. I want to take my turn.”
“Can I come?” Changjo asked breathlessly.
“Yeah, hurry. Unload it on his face, he always likes that.”
Yes, he did, he always liked it, he loved it, it felt so good, “Please, please,” he wanted it. Ashamed, he tried to hide, to turn away, but Chunji’s hand on his jaw forced his face up, forced his head straight. He squeezed his eyes shut, but when Changjo slipped out of him he groaned, feeling woozy with the desire for cum. When the first spurt plopped onto his chin, his mouth opened, his tongue flicking out, his body arching as his hunger deepened. Cum striped his cheeks and splattered over his open mouth, and he licked his lips, sucking it in, swallowing it with fiendish satisfaction.
“Roll him,” Chunji said, and while he was still licking, still moaning, Changjo pushed him onto his stomach. As his erection touched the mattress beneath him, he howled in excitement, his hips hitching. Chunji thrust inside of him, a sharp push that drove his cock against the sheets, and he came. The explosion of ecstasy left him gasping, feverish, and he rocked mindlessly, his hips rutting energetically as Chunji fucked him.
Chunji fucked him hard and for a long time, and then Changjo fucked him again, slowly, while he whimpered in his own well-fucked ecstasy, glorying in his private, sluttish hell. When Changjo finished with him, Chunji yawned and said something about food, and they left.
Alone, he stayed right where he was for a while, sore and exhausted and dripping with cum. He felt better than he had in days. Weeks, even. If he were willing to discuss any of this, ever, he’d thank Chunji effusively, but no.
After a while, he got up and took a shower. His nipple was red and sore, and he couldn’t stop touching it, fascinated by the pain, flinching at its raw tenderness. He wished that Sehun were there to toy with it.
Getting back into bed, right back into the nasty sheets he’d left, he burrowed in and texted Sehun. Good night, Oh Sehun. Sleep well.
Sehun replied right away. Sunbae, how are you? Was tonight okay?
He smiled, then bit into his lip, wondering what Sehun would think. I played a game with Chunji and Changjo. It was fun. Maybe you and I can play it sometime.
A game? Did everybody follow the rules? I don’t want you to get hurt.
His owner always took perfect care of him. Humming with pleasure, he rolled over, enjoying the delicious throb as his sore nipple rubbed against the sheet. It was a good night. Come to visit soon, okay?
Yes, sunbae. I will.
Smiling, L.Joe closed his eyes. His owner would come for him soon.
Changjo’s eyes, which had been glittering with pleasure and excitement, were now worried and confused.
“Don’t ever, ever do that to L.Joe again unless I’m there and I’m telling you to,” he ordered. Needing the message to sink in, he shook Changjo a little. “You freaky kid, are you listening to me? Don’t you ever fucking mess with him, push him around, hold him down, or hurt him like that. The second he says no or tells you to stop it, you stop it like he’s on fire. Understand?” he demanded, staring into Changjo’s eyes. “Are you listening?”
“I understand, I understand,” Changjo muttered, like life was brutally unfair and no one had ever suffered so much injustice before. Such a pouty, spoiled maknae.
“You don’t know everything you think you know,” Chunji said firmly. “If there are things you want to figure out, you figure them out by asking me, not by trying them on L.Joe and seeing how he reacts. He’s not your experiment, he’s your hyung, and if I can’t trust you like this, this will never happen again. Got it?” he demanded. “If I can trust you, maybe next time he needs it I’ll let you help. You act like an asshole, and you’ll be lucky if I let you near him again at all.” It occurred to him what he was saying, and he decided to go with it, because yeah, that was the way things were. “I mean it. You pull any shit with him, and you will never,” he jerked hard on the front of Changjo’s shirt, “have sex with him again.”
Looking furious, Changjo pulled away, scowling and backing up. “I know! I understand, I won’t.”
Chunji eyed him, trying to decide if the message had sunk in. Changjo could be trusted implicitly in some situations and not at all in other situations, and it was really important that they get this right. Changjo might be a great help in emergencies when Sehun wasn’t available, but maybe introducing someone so cunning and manipulative to domination and sadism had been a bad idea. Yeah, Chunji might have fucked up badly. Time would tell. “You want to talk about it?”
Belligerent, Changjo shook his head.
Chunji shrugged. Then, just to make sure, he added, “It’s not healthy or good to get off when someone’s begging you to stop. Don’t get weird about that.” The last thing he needed was for Changjo to decide to dabble in sexual predation for kicks.
“I’m not,” Changjo muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “If you think I can’t handle it, why’d you let me get into it in the first place?”
“Because I think that you can handle it,” Chunji said. “L.Joe told you to stop, and you wanted to stop, but you didn’t, you kept going. That’s a complicated thing, knowing when to override your impulses and when not to, and I think that it’ll be easier for you to learn that than it is for Niel and Ricky. But that’s also why I’m worried about it, because you’re that kind of person.”
Changjo studied him silently, petulantly, calculating, and he could only guess at what Changjo was thinking.
Sighing, Chunji stroked Changjo’s messy hair, then kissed him. “Come and be cute and adorable for me, and I’ll make you ramen.”
“L.Joe hyung.” Changjo kissed his cheek and the side of his neck.
Enjoying the attention, he snuggled in, content to sleep just like this. Then Changjo’s arm brushed against his sore nipple, and he gasped, flinching.
“Are you okay? Does something hurt?”
“You know. Chunji bit me,” he mumbled. Ugh, so embarrassing. “Let’s not talk about it.”
“It was weird,” Changjo confessed. “It was weird but you were so sexy.”
“Aaugh.” Rubbing his forehead against Changjo’s shoulder, he laughed. “Thank you for doing it. I hope that it doesn’t ever happen again.”
“Why not? You didn’t like it?”
“I don’t want to be that way with you.” Petting Changjo’s thick hair, he kissed Changjo’s bare shoulder, thinking about it. “It’s terrible. It’s embarrassing. I want sex between you and me to be other ways, not like that.”
“Which ways do you want it to be?”
“Fun. Easy. Friendly, simple. Like sex between friends. Where everything feels good and everything’s comfortable.”
“I like that,” Changjo whispered, kissing his neck. “L.Joe hyung.” A soft, breathy whisper. “L.Joe hyung.”
So seductive, so sensual. L.Joe closed his eyes, coiling his arms around Changjo’s neck. “Mmm.”
“Can I lick your nipples?”
“Mmm.” This intimate treatment was a sweet, welcome change from what he’d been through earlier. “Okay.”
He drifted lazily on mild pleasure as Changjo kissed his neck for a while longer. When slow, soft kisses brushed his chest, he sighed happily. Changjo kissed his left nipple first, licking its stiff little nub, and he arched a little, rolling onto his back, encouraging the attention. When Changjo licked his right nipple, he gasped, tugging at Changjo’s hair, a flash of pain breaking through.
Changjo immediately lifted his head. “Does it hurt?”
“It’s sore.” Guiding Changjo back down, he whispered, “It’s okay. I like it, it’s good, just be gentle.” When Changjo’s lips met his tender skin again, he hissed, his toes curling. “Gently,” he breathed, and Changjo lapped at his nipple, soothing it with soft, wet strokes. He shuddered, the stiffening of his cock undeniable. They stayed like that, his legs wrapping around Changjo as he shook and gasped, Changjo’s mouth wet and sweet. And then Changjo kissed downward, spreading his legs, and he arched again, and Changjo’s mouth made love to his cock, seducing and pleasing him until he floated on bliss.
C.A.P. kicked at Changjo’s leg. “So whatever you’re up to, stop it.”
“Who says that I’m up to something?” Changjo asked.
“Should we check his phone?” Chunji asked.
“No,” Changjo said, rolling to his feet and exiting the room in a flash.
The day after that was back to normal: busy as hell. His mind vacillated between focusing on work and daydreaming about Sehun’s rescheduled visit, and he forgot to track things he normally tracked. Like what EXO’s calendar looked like. So when Teen Top and EXO suddenly had to share a dressing room, he wasn’t braced for it.
Sehun looked so handsome. So tall and chic and angular, every strand of hair in place. Heart pounding, L.Joe watched him with a sort of helpless fascination, eager to see more of him and not sure how to get this happy yearning under control. At first, L.Joe followed him around the dressing room, wanting to be near to him and see more of him but not sure how to interact. Speaking with each other in public was a complicated thing, and it was so much worse with all of their members hovering around being nosey.
Then Sehun sat down between Kai and Lay. After a moment, Lay put earbuds in and Kai left, and Sehun glanced over at L.Joe. “Sunbae, it’s been a while.”
“I guess,” L.Joe mumbled. He went over and sat in Kai’s abandoned spot like he was already late.
Putting an arm along the back of the couch, Sehun turned slightly, closing the two of them off from the rest of the room. So close like this, Sehun still managed to look poised and happy and immaculate, and L.Joe wanted to caress his neck and whisper his name and come at his touch. “I missed you,” Sehun said quietly. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t see you.”
“It’s okay. Next Wednesday.” He wondered if Sehun did things with EXO to make up for too-long stretches between visits. Rough sex with Baekhyun or tying up Lay.
Sehun glanced around, a subtle flick of his eyes, then looked at L.Joe firmly. “I don’t take you lightly. I take my responsibilities seriously.”
He hadn’t known that he’d wanted to hear that, but he felt better now that it had been said. He felt reassured. Grounded. “I’m not worried.”
“Okay. Because of EXO, I can’t give as much of myself to my other responsibilities as I wish that I could. EXO has to come first, before everything else, and I don’t have enough time-”
“It’s okay,” he said, laughing. Just being with Sehun, even in the most simple way like this, made him feel good. He felt warm inside, like he did when he spent the afternoon with Angel. “I’ve been an idol for a while, I know how it is. I know EXO comes first.” Blushing, keeping his voice as soft as he could, he confessed, “But it’s nice to know I don’t come last.”
“Last,” Sehun repeated in surprise, in a whisper. “No, sunbae.” Sehun gripped his hand, and the contact was so unexpected, so fulfilling, that he had to clamp his teeth together to keep from gasping. Sehun’s other hand put a jacket in the way, between them, blocking the touch from view. “You’re my - - my responsibility.” L.Joe laughed, giddy at the thought that Sehun had almost said “pet” in public. “That’s more important than anything else. All of the rest of my life comes third, after EXO, after you.”
God, that meant so much to him. It meant so much to hear it, and he wanted to soak it all in, but they couldn’t have this conversation here. Sehun’s voice was barely audible, but they shouldn’t talk like this in public.
Sehun’s thumb rubbed across the back of his hand. “Is everything okay? You’ll be okay until Wednesday?”
He nodded. “Chunji and Changjo. The other night. Helped.”
Sehun nodded. “I’m sorry that you had to do that. I know that you don’t want to.”
“It was horrible,” he admitted. “I loved it.” He didn’t ever want to do it again, but at least he knew that he could turn to his members before he started begging strangers on the street or something. “Do you have, uh, ways you cope?”
Sehun shook his head. “It’s not the same without you. It’s not worth it.” His thumb rubbed over the back of L.Joe’s hand again like he wanted to keep feeling L.Joe’s skin. “I should go before someone notices.”
L.Joe wondered if it would ever be different from this. He wished that there were somewhere he could go where he could talk openly with Sehun. Where they could touch each other, maybe even hug, without fear of being caught. Where he could smile at Sehun the way he wanted to, completely, openly, adoringly. “You look so handsome today. Really handsome.”
Sehun smiled at him, a private and cocky smile that left him breathless with happiness. “Of course I do. I knew that I’d see you today.”
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December 6, 2014
by Matthew Haldeman-Time