I write about men having sex with other men. You must be eighteen or older to read my fiction. This site is for consenting, responsible adults only.
Chen wanted a boyfriend.
It had been a nice thought in the back of his mind, for a while. It had only been a vague impulse, though, because he was an idol now, and an idol couldn’t have a boyfriend. It was too big of a risk; what if the fans found out? He didn’t want to do anything that would jeopardize EXO. There were plenty of guys that he was close to, anyway; that should have been enough.
The things Sunggyu said to him, though, and the ways that Sunggyu made him feel, stirred up this strange yearning sensation inside of him. He wanted a boyfriend. He really, really wanted one. He wanted one so badly that he tried asking Baekhyun to be his boyfriend, although after about a minute of that they both agreed that it wasn’t such a great idea.
He wanted someone to invest his heart in. Someone who would be invested back. Someone he could point to and smile at and call his boyfriend. Someone who’d make his heart race. Someone who’d call him just to say hi. Someone who’d stay on the call just to hear his voice. Someone he could go on dates with and snuggle on the couch with and talk to about anything. Someone who’d make love to him.
When the blind item came out and his social life stopped, Chen tried to see things from Suho’s point of view. He and the other members had a lot of conversations: what about Teen Top, what about Infinite, what about our sex lives, what about L.Joe and Sehun? But, in the back of his mind, a panicked voice kept asking: what about me? What about my boyfriend? He’d never found one, and now he never would. Even if he ran into the perfect guy the very next day, they’d never be allowed to date, much less call each other boyfriends, and fall asleep on the phone, and make love.
The death of his dream had only made his desire for it more intense.
As soon as his social life was back, and as soon as he was sure that he was allowed to have a boyfriend, he felt determined to find one. He didn’t want to jump at the first guy he met, but he was going to have a boyfriend, no matter what. The opportunity might disappear at any moment, and he had to hold onto a relationship while he could.
There were only a few male idols he knew in a relationship with another guy. Fewer with another idol. Even fewer with another idol from a different group. Very few in a stable relationship. He went to Shinee’s dorm to talk to Key.
Key’s first response was to laugh. “Ew! Woohyun’s not my boyfriend.” Then he looked at Chen, his eyes glittering with curiosity. “You want a boyfriend? Who?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Anyone, I think that anyone would be good at this point. But how do you make it work? I’ve seen idols try to date, and it almost never lasts.”
“Ah, it’s hard,” Key admitted. “It’s hardest when it’s someone on another team. You never see each other. You’re practicing, he’s touring, you’re promoting, he’s traveling. When you finally do see him, you’re like, ‘Oh my god, give me your penis, where has it been, I need it!’” he exclaimed, shaking Chen. Surprised, Chen collapsed with laughter. “When Woohyun and I haven’t seen each other for a while, we spend time just staring at each other. Right in the face.” He tilted his head to one side, gazing at Chen. “So that’s what you look like. He asks, ‘Were you always so pretty?’ and I ask, ‘Were you always so weird-looking?’”
Chen laughed. “Hyung! That’s terrible.”
“You have to be with someone who doesn’t need constant attention. Or someone who’s really close with other people in his life, and can get what he needs from them, so he’s not so dependent on you. Woohyun has Sunggyu hyung and his members, and I have,” Key gestured around the dorm, “these fools, so it’s okay. It’ll never work with someone who needs a lot of one-on-one time from you and a lot of attention from you, because he’ll never be satisfied and you’ll feel burdened and it’s frustrating for everybody. If you find a guy like that, run away.”
Chen nodded. “How do you know it’s the right guy? How did you know about Woohyun hyung?”
“I knew right away,” Key said. “I felt like I recognized him. And we’re the same age, so everything was comfortable. Do you want someone your age?”
“I think so.” Baekhyun was into hyungs, and Chanyeol was into dongsaengs, but Chen wanted someone he could relax with, someone he could feel equal to. “It’s nice, with someone my own age.”
“Who is there?” Key asked. “There’s L, he’s handsome. There’s C.A.P., you like his cock, don’t you? There’s Ken from VIXX, he’s funny, that’s always good.”
Chen liked all three of those guys. A relationship with each of them might be great. But he wanted someone who made him feel a way he’d never felt before. Someone like that had to be out there, right?
September 13, 2015
by Matthew Haldeman-Time